Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

wageslave wrote: »

Have you ever been the first wife? No, why?

Your a wife now. Would your husband leave unless forced? I doubt it very much; again, why?

I am honestly not having a go at you. I know - you're trying to understand and I'm not explaining very well

If your husband was unfaithful what would you do? Keep him of kick him to the kerb? Out like a shot.

His first wife choose to fu ck him off. If she had wanted him he would still be with her. That's my definition of second best First husband - definitely not the case. Second - she was having a fling of her own, so sort of.

The wife always wins if she wants too.

But you know that

Oh God. I really don't know (believe) that.

nickyhutch

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

But you appear to have an unfortunate tendency to be part of that.

<shrug>

Up to you. You certainly appear to be able to rationalise it to yourself.

Tendency? I've done it twice, for God's sake.

Shrug indeed.

nickyhutch

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Thanked by nickyhutch and purpletoenails. So they apparently have absolutely no sympathy for the emotional distress of the abandoned wife. Because you can tell that just from words on a screen. That tells me more about their self-satisfaction than any of their self-justifying posts ever could. If and when they get/got what they want, they have no concern whatsoever for the wake of destruction they leave behind. Nice. You're wrong, but you'll never see it.

Hard not to be bitter when your life turns upside down and you feel the rug has been pulled from under you, sometimes after many decades of being half of a couple, and thinking everything was fine.

Hard not to be bitter - I know. I watched my Mum for years being bitter. She finally took hold of herself and let herself meet someone else and has never looked back.

I have already talked about why I'm not overly sympathetic about the 2 exes so wont go into it again. I was more concerned about the kids (second time) and put everything I could into making things as painless as possible for them.

neverdespairgirl

wageslave wrote: »

Mostly men are kicked out. It is women who end relationships

The wife always wins unless she doesn't want to

In some cases, the wife probably thinks that she's won in letting them have each other......

nickyhutch

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

In some cases, the wife probably thinks that she's won in letting them have each other......

Well in that case, we would all have that happy end, wouldn't we? I think I've already said OH's ex moved her fella in after 3 or 4 months, and married as soon as the divorce went through.

POPPYOSCAR

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Thanked by nickyhutch and purpletoenails. So they apparently have absolutely no sympathy for the emotional distress of the abandoned wife. That tells me more about their self-satisfaction than any of their self-justifying posts ever could. If and when they get/got what they want, they have no concern whatsoever for the wake of destruction they leave behind. Nice.

Hard not to be bitter when your life turns upside down and you feel the rug has been pulled from under you, sometimes after many decades of being half of a couple, and thinking everything was fine.

I know it is not easy - but for your own sake you have to get over the bitterness and move on or it could ruin your life and even make you ill.

Horrible things happen to people all the time - it is not right, but to me its all part of life. I am also a great believer in everything happens for a reason.

I also think that if you remain bitter it shows and will come across to those that you meet and this could also have a detrimental effect on your life.

Can I ask how long has it been since it happened to you?

neverdespairgirl

nickyhutch wrote: »

Well, thank you for the nice bits

When you say "lifestyle" you make it sound like I go out and pick married men up every weekend. Remember, my "choices in life" that you dislike are one thing that I've done twice. In 41 years. There is a lot more to me, and I guess that you would like it on the whole. I'm nice, I do a job helping people (esp. children), I'm a wonderful (and proud) Mum, a good wife, a dutiful daughter, I always, always, always help when asked, and I always, always, always give the benefit of the doubt. And apparently I'm f uck off funny :A

I don't doubt all that is true. I'm sure I've said before, having an affair, on either side, doesn't make a person a doomed, evil person.

But it does represent bad behaviour. And to my mind, it's far worse being the cheating spouse than the "other person", but being the other person is still the wrong thing to do, because it involves a conspiracy to betray and deceive.

So if a man's cheating, then he's the one who is lying, cheating, and betraying. But it is still wrong, in my view, to be part of that.

VestanPance

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

But are you happy?

You do not come across as being very happy in your posts.

Happy with some things, not with others. Such is life. One thing I'm not is stupid enough to make the same mistake twice.

purpletoenails

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I do think it very sad that some people who have been cheated on cannot move forward with their lives and remain so bitter. It is not a healthy thing.

I am so glad I was not bitter and went on to meet the love of my life who 26 years and two children later we are as much in love now as when we first met.

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Thanked by nickyhutch and purpletoenails. So they apparently have absolutely no sympathy for the emotional distress of the abandoned wife. That tells me more about their self-satisfaction than any of their self-justifying posts ever could. If and when they get/got what they want, they have no concern whatsoever for the wake of destruction they leave behind. Nice.

Hard not to be bitter when your life turns upside down and you feel the rug has been pulled from under you, sometimes after many decades of being half of a couple, and thinking everything was fine.

It was the highlighted bit I pressed the thanks for.

nickyhutch

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I don't doubt all that is true. I'm sure I've said before, having an affair, on either side, doesn't make a person a doomed, evil person.

But it does represent bad behaviour. And to my mind, it's far worse being the cheating spouse than the "other person", but being the other person is still the wrong thing to do, because it involves a conspiracy to betray and deceive.

So if a man's cheating, then he's the one who is lying, cheating, and betraying. But it is still wrong, in my view, to be part of that.

Right. That bad behaviour of mine is over, and has been for 7 years. I'm not doing it any more. Everyone involved has moved on so what gives you, a stranger, the right to harangue me about it now? Yes, it was wrong. Yes, it was bad behaviour. It is not persistent. Do I have to sit on the naughty step forever?