Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

janninew

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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I thought I had read every post but I must have missed the one where the Op says he does this.

You should know there are obviously some mind readers on here!

VestanPance

nickyhutch wrote: »

!!!!!!? Says who? Who out you in charge of deciding what a person should or shouldn't put up with? You would put up with all that, would you? That sounds like the basis for a happy relationship, does it?

No, but at some point you may be able to understand the very simple concept of relationships not overlapping.

If all what she posted is true she should have removed him from her life many years before. After that she would have been 'free' to have a relationship with any other person who has not committed themselves to another. Hardly rocket science.

It's a rather simple concept. Unhappy, try and resolve it. If that is not possible split up and then you are free and single to go looking for a new relationship.

suited-aces

nickyhutch wrote: »

!!!!!!? Says who? Who out you in charge of deciding what a person should or shouldn't put up with? You would put up with all that, would you? That sounds like the basis for a happy relationship, does it?

I sure as hell wouldn't put up with it. I'd turf him (or her in my case) out and resume my love life as a single man. Still wouldn't have an affair though.

nickyhutch

VestanPance wrote: »

No, but at some point you may be able to understand the very simple concept of relationships not overlapping.

If all what she posted is true she should have removed him from her life many years before. After that she would have been 'free' to have a relationship with any other person who has not committed themselves to another. Hardly rocket science.

It's a rather simple concept. Unhappy, try and resolve it. If that is not possible split up and then you are free and single to go looking for a new relationship.

You might, one day, understand the very simple concept of everyone not being the same. Some people don't have the issues with overlapping relationships that you very obviously do. Some people do, some people don't. Simple concept.

She was "free" to have a relationship with someone else whenever she wanted to - nobody owns their partner. Whether she ended the relationship "officially" by chucking him out or leaving isn't the relevant bit - in here head and in her heart the relationship was over so she felt "free" to start another.

VestanPance

The two of them sound very well suited in that case.

lostinrates

wageslave wrote: »

Who am I to judge anyone when I fell so very short of my own self-imposed standards

who are any of us to judge a person? No one, we all do wrong often, or at least I do. Yet we have to in society to have any shape and support. Sometimes this goes wrong, you've spoken of that very heinously in the past, and sometimes it goes right. I can think how you shamed people to the good.

Thinking of ''judgement'' terms, what if someone did it to the Brat in the future?

wageslave

nickyhutch wrote: »

Well, thank you for the nice bits

When you say "lifestyle" you make it sound like I go out and pick married men up every weekend. Remember, my "choices in life" that you dislike are one thing that I've done twice. In 41 years. There is a lot more to me, and I guess that you would like it on the whole. I'm nice, I do a job helping people (esp. children), I'm a wonderful (and proud) Mum, a good wife, a dutiful daughter, I always, always, always help when asked, and I always, always, always give the benefit of the doubt. And apparently I'm f uck off funny :A

I have a very good friend who is very, very religious. She always says she hates what I did (did, not do), but that she loves me because I have more than made up for it in how I live my life no

"other women's leavings"? Gosh. It really doesn't feel like that.

You are not a stupid woman.

There are a lot of very hurt, not so very bright women posting on this thread.

You are not one of them.

And yet what you did was wrong. And so beneath you.

And if that wasn't enough, and I am reading this thread correctly, you did it again.

Explain to me, because I am really faltering here. Why someone like you would settle for so little.

Were they all loaded? That I could and can understand.

!!!!!! made you content always to be second best

nickyhutch

wageslave wrote: »

You are not a stupid woman.

There are a lot of very hurt, not so very bright women posting on this thread.

You are not one of them.

And yet what you did was wrong. And so beneath you.

And if that wasn't enough, and I am reading this thread correctly, you did it again.

Explain to me, because I am really faltering here. Why someone like you would settle for so little.

Were they all loaded? That I could and can understand.

!!!!!! made you content always to be second best

So little? Someone like me? I don't know what you mean by that. I'm faltering too.

I don't understand why you think I've "settled". I'm very happy, and I was first time round. They certainly weren't loaded; first husband had (has) a good job but worked all the hours god sends for it. My now OH earns less than me, which is bu99er all I'm a bit cross that you think I'd be attracted to someone based on what they earn.

I'm honestly not second best - on the contrary, they chose me. I'm NOT gloating there, haters - just pointing out that I'm not second best.

POPPYOSCAR

janninew wrote: »

You should know there are obviously some mind readers on here!

There most certainly are!!!!

To know that the Op boyfriend tells his wife that he loves her and that he means it - what a skill - they could make millions from it!!!

wageslave

lostinrates wrote: »

Thinking of ''judgement'' terms, what if someone did it to the Brat in the future?

I'd have their head on a plate.

But what if the brat was the other woman?

I would seriously hope she wouldn't be, I hope I have taught her to value herself more.

But if it was the brat and she was sitting at the end of her iphone, living in hope.

I'd have her by the throat. And she would expect me to.

I haven't invested a lifetime in a child to see her settle for less

Everyone has the right to come first in the most important relationships in their life. The idea of my daughter doing the second hand rose thing doesn't bear thinking about

And you have, very cleverly answered the OPs question.

If she was my daughter, or yours, or any one of ours.

What would we advise?

If the OP was talking to her daughter, what would she advise