Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

erdd2

purpletoenails wrote: »

Despite some of the more hostile posts, I have found this thread has helped me to clarify my thoughts and kept me focused over the last few weeks. I'm an eternal optimist and generally see the best in every person and in every situation, so reading some of the replies has made me think more realistically about this relationship and the long term implications it could have for everyone involved.

I for one am glad to read this and admire your staying power regards the thread :T....not the affair for which I have stated previously I do not judge you or anyone but still have my views and opinions to which we are all entitled

wageslave

I have followed this thread with interest. Read every post, shook my head, scandalised at some. Nodded approvingly at others.

It is easy on a internet forum to see everything as black and white. Here I am not troubled with the shades of grey that colour my life.

Can an affair end in happy ever after?

The brutal truth is it up to his wife. She, in her ignorance, controls your life. You have given her that power.

She says when he can phone you, visit you, be there for you.

And she will ultimately decide whether you will be together.

The choice is not and never will be yours.

You are asking the wrong people to answer your question. What do we really know?

Ask his missus............

lostinrates

wageslave wrote: »

I have followed this thread with interest. Read every post, shook my head, scandalised at some. Nodded approvingly at others.

I bet you shook your head at mine thinking I should pull my horns in

erdd2

wageslave wrote: »

I have followed this thread with interest. Read every post, shook my head, scandalised at some. Nodded approvingly at others.

It is easy on a internet forum to see everything as black and white. Here I am not troubled with the shades of grey that colour my life.

Can an affair end in happy ever after?

The brutal truth is it up to his wife. She, in her ignorance, controls your life. You have given her that power.

She says when he can phone you, visit you, be there for you.

And she will ultimately decide whether you will be together.

The choice is not and never will be yours.

You are asking the wrong people to answer your question. What do we really know?

Ask his missus............

Refreshing take and IMO needs reiterating!

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

Despite some of the more hostile posts, I have found this thread has helped me to clarify my thoughts and kept me focused over the last few weeks. I'm an eternal optimist and generally see the best in every person and in every situation, so reading some of the replies has made me think more realistically about this relationship and the long term implications it could have for everyone involved.

thinking about your op and the happiness question, you know, even if it ''ends'' it can end happily for you . You obviously have clarified to yourself what more you need for a happy relationship, and there are some wonderful men available.

I really hope you do find greater fulfilment along with happiness.

wageslave

lostinrates wrote: »

I bet you shook your head at mine thinking I should pull my horns in

Not even a little bit.

Nothing you ever say or do could be less than perfect in my eyes.

You are my friend and my friends are always, always right

lostinrates

wageslave wrote: »

Not even a little bit.

Nothing you ever say or do could be less than perfect in my eyes.

You are my friend and my friends are always, always right

Awww, I think you're pretty awesome too.

Shame I'm anti affairs and you don't like girls, huh?:D

(apologies to others esp Purpletoenails, I just rarely see this poster online often these days )

POPPYOSCAR

Errata wrote: »

It's good to see the thread has helped. One thing that's never been paid much attention to is the frequency of your meetings with him. Seeing him as infrequently as you do leaves a vast amount of space for the meetings to be 'stage managed' and bear little resemblance to an exclusive relationship between two people. The infrequency also greatly lessens the ability of either to develop any depth of intimacy.

It seems to me that he's already made a decision about how frequently he wants to see you because he's doing it and has been from the start. I can't see a comfortably off, succesful business man with children at fee paying schools doing anything to jeopardise that set up. He's happy with it, or he wouldn't continue with it.
You've said he loves you. Is that because he's told you he loves you? Have you understood he says the same words to his wife every single day - and means them.

I thought I had read every post but I must have missed the one where the Op says he does this.

wageslave

lostinrates wrote: »

Awww, I think you're pretty awesome too.

Shame I'm anti affairs and you don't like girls, huh?:D

(apologies to others esp Purpletoenails, I just rarely see this poster online often these days )

I am pretty much anti affairs too. I don't believe you can build any kind of lasting happiness on top of someone elses misery.

But honestly what do I know?

I had an affair once. I slept with my very best friend once (ok twice).

Sex is like booze. No one ever just had one drink. Trust me, whatever you catch them doing, it was NEVER the first time. It is just the first time they got caught.

I committed aldutery twice and yet it is not the sex I remember. I remember his hand resting on mine, rubbing my fingers. I remember him hugging me tight.

Who am I to judge anyone when I fell so very short of my own self-imposed standards

Bogof_Babe

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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I thought I had read every post but I must have missed the one where the Op says he does this.

The OP wouldn't know, but the odds are in favour of at least some token affectionism between them.

Even in the height of my OH's obsession with OW he was still acting loving towards me. It probably WAS an act at that stage, but he wasn't going to give the game away by cold-shouldering me, was he?