Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

euronorris

nickyhutch wrote: »

If we need to apologise, it's not to you or anyone on here, though, is it? We're having a discussion, not a cleansing confessional.

I understand that, but when talking on a public forum about this sort of thing, without showing any remorse, is obviously going to upset people and give across the impression that you (not you in particular) simply don't care about the other person/people.

Wickedkitten

catkins wrote: »

Thankfully it does not affect me. It is however a sad reflection of society in this country. Marriage should be taken more seriously especially if there are children. I know enough adults with trust issues and other problems due to their parents divorcing (sometimes more than once).

Also if you can't make 2 or 3 marriages work why keep getting married, just makes a mockery of marriage.

Your parents' attitutude to marriage must have affected your views on marriage. My parents have been married once - for almost 60 years, I have been married once for over 30 years, my sister has been married once for over 30 years, my brother has been married once for over 30 years

My parents have been married now for almost 35 years and growing up they were constantly fighting like cats and dogs and then disappearing off into the bedroom.

My mum met my dad when he was still married to his first wife and had kids that he left for her and she has thought that he is going to do it again ever since. She's correct.

I was married once for 2 months when I was 21 but then I met my current partner a year after that and we have been together for the past 11 years although we aren't and have no intention on getting married.

nickyhutch

euronorris wrote: »

I understand that, but when talking on a public forum about this sort of thing, without showing any remorse, is obviously going to upset people and give across the impression that you (not you in particular) simply don't care about the other person/people.

But we're not here to make you feel better, or to give an impression especially, are we? We're here (on this thread) to answer OP's question, and answer all the criticism we get for not quite managing to attain the high standards of morality that others do.

erdd2

euronorris wrote: »

I know, but that wasn't the point we were discussing. It was whether or not the affair was justified. Which it wasn't.

That is your view to which of course you are entitled and thank goodness as there have been some excellent points raised and promulgated.

Nicky, as well as others have taken a verbal bashing on this thread expressing their views and experiences and I hope OP has been helped in some way with her "dilemma".

Yes the topic has strayed and been reigned in, however purple has stayed with it which leaves me for one thinking she does not want the suggested move/new thread.

erdd2

BugglyB wrote: »

I do wonder whether this thread has perhaps run its course now

Who makes that decision? Please, this is a genuine question but respect it could be read otherwise

Pollycat

Wickedkitten wrote: »

I agree with this bit, but at the same time imo if you enter into a relationship with someone and you find out they are already in a relationship with someone, if you choose to continue on with that you're just as much to blame.

I can see where you're coming from, but if I ever found out my OH was having an affair I know who I'd put most (if not all) the blame on.

And it wouldn't be the other woman.

superbabe612

Sorry but I don't know how to quote multiple posts.

Cheepskate - You and the ex were both in a relationship, thus both contributed to the problem.
Exactly!

Euronorris - 'Hey, yeah, I messed up. I'm sorry. I won't be making the same mistake again!'.
I can't say my marriage was a mistake because I have my 2 beautiful daughters. I can't say my affair was a mistake because it's made me happier than I ever was before. But I have learnt from experience that I am emotionally stronger than I ever thought I could be, and I'm with a man because I love him, not because I'm afraid to leave.

Nickyhutch - I think the "anti" team has become the most unpleasant in their comments.
Definitely!

euronorris - I know, but that wasn't the point we were discussing. It was whether or not the affair was justified. Which it wasn't.
Your opinion is that it wasn't justified. My opinion is that it was

I think the problem we're having here is that a lot of people are talking about affairs they had, or were involved in, with no sign of remorse. I accept that people f'ck up, and make bad choices, but this doesn't mean that no apology, remorse, or sympathy for the hurt party(ies) is required.

You obviously missed my first post: I've been on all sides of the fence - cheated on, cheated with, cheated by, and it hurts every time.

It's 10 years since I left my ex and it still hurts now. It hurts to think of how he treated me, it hurts to think of how I treated him.
Don't presume that you can tell from a few posts in a forum, that someone isn't remorseful. I'm still scared of my ex. I'd love to say to him, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put up with all your crap, and I should have left you before I fell for someone else." But I'm scared of what he'll do or say so I just keep quiet. Guess I haven't learnt from my mistakes after all! :eek:

gratefulforhelp_2

nickyhutch wrote: »

As I said pages ago, this is all just opinion. No-one here is going to change mine and I'm not trying to change anyone else's or defend my stance. I think the "anti" team has become the most unpleasant in their comments.

This was in a post which included a quote from me. If you are aiming this comment at me, then please tell me what I have said to you that is "unpleasant" bearing in mind this is an unpleasant topic...

Or is it unpleasant because some people disagree with you?

I think I'm right in saying the only person to use the word "harlot" is you?

euronorris

nickyhutch wrote: »

But we're not here to make you feel better, or to give an impression especially, are we? We're here (on this thread) to answer OP's question, and answer all the criticism we get for not quite managing to attain the high standards of morality that others do.

No Nicky, I never said we are. I was just trying to explain why people are reacting the way they are.

Whether you agree with it or not, some people were bound to react that way. You have the choice to pacify them, continue as you are or stop responding. It's up to you.

I tried option 3, but didn't last and am now trying to be more objective.

erdd2

superbabe612 wrote: »

I'd love to say to him, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put up with all your crap, and I should have left you before I fell for someone else." But I'm scared of what he'll do or say so I just keep quiet. Guess I haven't learnt from my mistakes after all! :eek:

I sent my ex a letter stating

For every bruise/piece of hurt you gave me, you made me stronger and for that I thank you.

The !!!! thought I was complimenting him!

Sorry to go off topic there :eek: