Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

superbabe612

Can an affair ever have a happy ending?
It's got as much chance as a monogamous relationship.

A partnership is about love, trust, communication, and a whole lot of other stuff. A couple could be hindered by all sorts of obstacles through life, whether or not they have a choice in the decisions they make or what befalls them.
My first 'relationship' was many moons ago, I was 12, and my then boyfriend two-timed me not once, but twice. Not a good start to my love life! Many failed relationships followed, some faithful, some not - some on my part, some not.
My current/latest/last/forever relationship started as an affair; I was unhappily married, I fell in love with a man who was recently separated after being cheated on by his then wife. It took a long time for us to trust another person again, let alone ourselves. It's not been easy. But we both wanted to try.

Yes, I had trust issues too! I felt betrayed by my now ex-husband, who promised to love me forever but broke that promise. The vow to love and to cherish comes before the forsaking all others bit. Being loved and feeling loved is as important to me as fidelity, if not more.

I've been on all sides of the fence - cheated on, cheated with, cheated by, and it hurts every time.

VestanPance

superbabe612 wrote: »

Yes, I had trust issues too! I felt betrayed by my now ex-husband, who promised to love me forever but broke that promise. The vow to love and to cherish comes before the forsaking all others bit. Being loved and feeling loved is as important to me as fidelity, if not more.

Did you tell him you felt that way? Did he even have the slightest clue you felt unhappy? The fault lies with you in that scenario, not him. You tell him how you feel, if you can't work out the problem then you break up and move on.

Jumping in to another's arms and blaming the betrayed is laughably weak.

superbabe612

VestanPance wrote: »

Did you tell him you felt that way? YES Did he even have the slightest clue you felt unhappy? YES The fault lies with you in that scenario, not him. You tell him how you feel, if you can't work out the problem then you break up and move on. WE DID

Jumping in to another's arms and blaming the betrayed is laughably weak.

Only if you're judgemental and you don't know the circumstances.

cheepskate_2

You tell him how you feel, if you can't work out the problem then you break up and move on. WE DID
.[/QUOTE]


think you are contradicting yourself here. , did you not say in a previous post that this relationship was due to an affair?

It really difficult to fix problems in a relationship when one of the party's has someone else waiting in the wings.

To blame the cheated on partner for your affair is just laughable.

VestanPance

superbabe612 wrote: »

Only if you're judgemental and you don't know the circumstances.

That's not what you said in your first post.

Wickedkitten

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm sure she didn't set out to 'snare' this guy and, imho, is less at fault than the married man whom she's seeing.

I agree with this bit, but at the same time imo if you enter into a relationship with someone and you find out they are already in a relationship with someone, if you choose to continue on with that you're just as much to blame.

superbabe612

VestanPance wrote: »

That's not what you said in your first post.

Not really. I told my ex how I felt. We couldn't work out the problem. We broke up. We moved on. But I was already in love with someone else.

My ex-husband conned me and my parents out of £'000s. He forged my signature on legal documents. He committed VAT fraud and mortgage fraud. He traded illegally. He coerced me into getting into debt to the tune of £100,000 to fund his business. I left my career in banking to work for him for £3 an hour with very little time off in 10 years. I worked until 10pm while in labour with our 2nd child and went back to work 2 days after she was born.
He went out drinking five nights a week and left me to look after our toddler and baby on my own. I had post-natal depression and was chased by creditors for home and business.

You're right, I was laughably weak.

VestanPance

superbabe612 wrote: »

Not really. I told my ex how I felt. We couldn't work out the problem. We broke up. We moved on. But I was already in love with someone else.

My ex-husband conned me and my parents out of £'000s. He forged my signature on legal documents. He committed VAT fraud and mortgage fraud. He traded illegally. He coerced me into getting into debt to the tune of £100,000 to fund his business. I left my career in banking to work for him for £3 an hour with very little time off in 10 years. I worked until 10pm while in labour with our 2nd child and went back to work 2 days after she was born.
He went out drinking five nights a week and left me to look after our toddler and baby on my own. I had post-natal depression and was chased by creditors for home and business.

You're right, I was laughably weak.

None of those are excuses to have an affair, which is what you said you did. Although I'm surprised you could find the time!!

Sounds like he was a scumbag that you shouldn't have got involved with in the first place.

1echidna

VestanPance wrote: »

None of those are excuses to have an affair, which is what you said you did. Although I'm surprised you could find the time!!

Sounds like he was a scumbag that you shouldn't have got involved with in the first place.

for some it is always the victim's fault innit?

cheepskate_2

superbabe612 wrote: »

Not really. I told my ex how I felt. We couldn't work out the problem. We broke up. We moved on. But I was already in love with someone else.

My ex-husband conned me and my parents out of £'000s. He forged my signature on legal documents. He committed VAT fraud and mortgage fraud. He traded illegally. He coerced me into getting into debt to the tune of £100,000 to fund his business. I left my career in banking to work for him for £3 an hour with very little time off in 10 years. I worked until 10pm while in labour with our 2nd child and went back to work 2 days after she was born.
He went out drinking five nights a week and left me to look after our toddler and baby on my own. I had post-natal depression and was chased by creditors for home and business.

You're right, I was laughably weak.

So in 10+ years it didnt bother you that much, well not enough to go solo.
Only when you had secured a new relationship to jump to did it really p*ss you off enough to jump ship.

From all your posts you seem to put blame onto others , the ex , for everything- justifying everything.

No one makes you do something. You made choices yourself for your family, now because you have a new beau , its easy to blame elsewhere.

You and the ex were both in a relationship, thus both contributed to the problem.

Some people like to be seen as a victim, no matter what