Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

VestanPance wrote: »

nickyhutch wrote: »

So you have no control over your own actions then?

I don't understand your point.

nickyhutch

catkins wrote: »

For some people, myself and my husband included (oh and my parents and sister and brother plus some friends and relations) marriage is sacred and just because divorce is now socially acceptable does not mean we all think that the divorce rate being so high is fine nor is getting married and divorced two, three, four or even more times

That's great for you and your family, and for everyone else who feels that way. But we don't all feel that way!

VestanPance

nickyhutch wrote: »

VestanPance wrote: »

I don't understand your point.

Each one is done on ones action. Affairs don't just happen. They are wrong, so anyone taking part in one does so in the knowledge of what they are doing is morally wrong.

nickyhutch

VestanPance wrote: »

nickyhutch wrote: »

Each one is done on ones action. Affairs don't just happen. They are wrong, so anyone taking part in one does so in the knowledge of what they are doing is morally wrong.

I thought we'd established all that and generally agreed about 5000 pages ago. Just because someone thinks something's wrong, doesn't mean they wont do it anyway. Sometimes I drive at 36 in a 30 zone. Sometimes I drink more than 14 units of alcohol in a week. Sometimes I etc.etc.... you get the jist.

Oh, to live in your perfect world, where no-one puts a foot wrong.

erdd2

catkins wrote: »

For some people, myself and my husband included (oh and my parents and sister and brother plus some friends and relations) marriage is sacred and just because divorce is now socially acceptable does not mean we all think that the divorce rate being so high is fine nor is getting married and divorced two, three, four or even more times

Nothing is more sacred than a persons health and well being. If one spouses conduct is abusive, be it mental, sexual, financial, spiritual, physical it affects the health and well being of the other.

Today the suffering party has the choice to be free from abuse, unfortunately that path is not made easy by systems grounded in old fashioned beliefs and values. I repeat, nothing is more sacred than ones health.

and yes not all fall into that category before the snipers come out

erdd2

nickyhutch wrote: »

VestanPance wrote: »

I thought we'd established all that and generally agreed about 5000 pages ago.

I have told you a trillion times not to exaggerate

nickyhutch

It feels like 5000 pages!

sandraroffey

affairs are never acceptable, for whatever the reasons they say are there.

if you are married and/or seeing a married person, then you are as bad as them,

and please just remember this old saying 'when he marries the mistress, he creates a job vacancy'. he will do the same to you. just because he can.

his wife is better off without him. and quite frankly, so are you. but i think you already know that or you wouldnt be asking questions on here.

neverdespairgirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

It's not an assumption about your lover - a man who breaks his marriage vows and lies to his children so he can scuttle off to see his mistress is a lowlife. If you can't see that, well..... actually he is a very hard working decent man who makes sure his family have everything they could ever want

He might very well be hard working, but decent? At the moment, he isn't behaving in a remotely decent way. That deosn't mean he is now and forever will be a bad person through and through, but he's behaving very badly, and in a damaging and selfish way.

Everything his family want? Do you not think there's a decent chance they want a husband / father who doesn't put the wife / mother's sexual health a risk, doesn't lie and deceive them, etc?

neverdespairgirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

Yes I know deceit is wrong, and so does he, and we both feel guilty about what has happened. Neither of us are uncaring or unfeeling, even though you'll find that very hard to believe I'm sure!

Therein lies a lot of the problem. you talk about "what has happened". More accurately, it's "what we have both chosen to do". Hurricanes, accidents, fires, disease - these things happen. Affairs are choices.