Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

gettingbackontrack

purpletoenails wrote: »

I think you are being more 'holier than thou' than I am to be honest
I haven't slept with a married man. So I can take the moral high ground.

no it wasnt aimed specifically at you, but the tone of your reply is extremely aggressive, judgemental and yes, unpleasant, so make of that what you will
Ithink you need a wake-up call and if you find the truth unpleasant, that's not my fault. You're the one who is happily engaged in an affair which involves two children and an inncoent woman being lied to an betrayed. I think it's about time you opened your eyes to that fact - this is not a fairy tale. Someone is going to be hurt and you're wide -eyed "it's nothing to do with me" act doesn't wash. It's EVERYTHING to do with you.

You won;t admit that your lover is betraying his family. He has given you every line in the adulterer's handbook and you believe him. If it's true, it will be the first time ever.

But I suspect that nothing will affect your opinion - you seem to think you are innocent and the only people who deserve to be happy are you and your lover. I wonder if you will feel the same if he does the same to you at some stage.....

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

Please do not bring my parenting abilities into this - it has nothing to do with the situation whatsoever. My children are well bought up and well adjusted, and are kind hearted, helpful and hard working young people.

Lets hope they have a sense of right and wrong. Though I'm not sure where they would get that from.....

purpletoenails

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

One thing I will say for the OP's lover, though - he's very clever. He's groomed her into the perfect mistress - sits meekly waiting for him to show up when he can wriggle out of family commitments, daren't challenge him on hid double life in case it "puts him under pressure" and "spoils the days!" (!) and swallows every line about his family life. He's very good at the married lover bit - I wonder if this is the first time he's done it?

It's not like that at all, neither do I 'sit meekly' waiting for anything. However, I am realistic about what he is able to do given the situation and there's no point me making unrealistic demands of him.

erdd2

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't have that attitude
Yes, you do. You show no concern for a betrayed woman and her children and claim it's nothing to do with you.

actually he is a very hard working decent man who makes sure his family have everything they could ever want
A liar who scuttles off to his mistress instead of spending time with his children on a weekend? Doesn't sound "decent" to me. And how, exactly, do you know what his family want? I suppose he's spun you a few yarns that you swallow hook line and sinker because it excuses - in your own mind -your behaviour.

I have plenty, thank you It's a pity you don't show some respect for his wife. How you dared to place yourself alongside her in terms of your relationship with this man is beyond me. What brass neck, what utter disregard for another.

I appreciate that you don't know me personally, but its not really right to judge someone's character based on one small aspect of their life.
But morality is a very important part fo who we are. If we lie and cheat in one form of life, we do in others. And this man is a liar - and you know.
After all, if I was to judge some of the people who have posted on this thread, based purely on what they have written, then I might think they were quite unpleasant people.[/QUOTE]
I suppose that last comment was aimed at me. I won't be lectured to by the likes of you. You disgust me - I might have a small amount of respect for you if you acknowledged that you are a marriagebreaker who is enabling and encouraging a man to lie to his wife and children but I suspect that's beyond the realms of possibility.

You can tell me he's a wonderful man til you're blue in the face but he's a liar and a cheat and if you can't see that, then I pity you. But not as much as I pity the poor woman whose husband said he would be faithful to her forsaking all others.

I feel sorry for your children. What sort of morality they grew up with, heavens knows.

One thing I will say for the OP's lover, though - he's very clever. He's groomed her into the perfect mistress - sits meekly waiting for him to show up when he can wriggle out of family commitments, daren't challenge him on hid double life in case it "puts him under pressure" and "spoils the days!" (!) and swallows every line about his family life. He's very good at the married lover bit - I wonder if this is the first time he's done it?

These two posts together appear to give powerful and passionate reasoning and although will not appear that way to others....they , IMO demonstrate the hurt and complexities that adultery creates. :T

gettingbackontrack

nickyhutch wrote: »

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

What sort of manners were you taught?

I was taught not to sleep with another woman's husband - then make light of it.

Lies are always wrong and liars are not decent people.

nickyhutch

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

purpletoenails wrote: »

I think you are being more 'holier than thou' than I am to be honest
I haven't slept with a married man. So I can take the moral high ground.

no it wasnt aimed specifically at you, but the tone of your reply is extremely aggressive, judgemental and yes, unpleasant, so make of that what you will
Ithink you need a wake-up call and if you find the truth unpleasant, that's not my fault. You're the one who is happily engaged in an affair which involves two children and an inncoent woman being lied to an betrayed. I think it's about time you opened your eyes to that fact - this is not a fairy tale. Someone is going to be hurt and you're wide -eyed "it's nothing to do with me" act doesn't wash. It's EVERYTHING to do with you.

You won;t admit that your lover is betraying his family. He has given you every line in the adulterer's handbook and you believe him. If it's true, it will be the first time ever.

But I suspect that nothing will affect your opinion - you seem to think you are innocent and the only people who deserve to be happy are you and your lover. I wonder if you will feel the same if he does the same to you at some stage.....



Lets hope they have a sense of right and wrong. Though I'm not sure where they would get that from.....

Once again, nasty and unnecessary. There's really no need.

nickyhutch

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

nickyhutch wrote: »

I was taught not to sleep with another woman's husband - then make light of it.

Lies are always wrong and liars are not decent people.

Were you taught not to be nasty, rude an unpleasant?

gettingbackontrack

nickyhutch wrote: »

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

Were you taught not to be nasty, rude an unpleasant?

I haven't been. I think sleeping with another woman's husband is nasty, rude and unplesant.

I won't sit back let people dismiss adultery as a bit of fun and try to excuse it. There are innocent children and a wife in this scenario. What have they done to deserve being betrayed?

And they can't stand up for themselves because the OP's lover hasn't got the guts, decency and honesty to tell them the truth.

erdd2

basketcase wrote: »

Whilst I can see where you're coming from, I agree with Nicky - people on both sides of the argument are starting to get offensive again.

Pity because otherwise valid and interesting points are getting lost.

Hear hear :T

gettingbackontrack

nickyhutch wrote: »

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

Once again, nasty and unnecessary. There's really no need.

But it's all right for you to call me nasty and unpleasant and rude, is it?

Name calling OK on one side but not the other?????

nickyhutch

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

nickyhutch wrote: »

I haven't been. I think sleeping with another woman's husband is nasty, rude and unplesant.

I won't sit back let people dismiss adultery as a bit of fun and try to excuse it. There are innocent children and a wife in this scenario. What have they done to deserve being betrayed?

And they can't stand up for themselves because the OP's lover hasn't got the guts, decency and honesty to tell them the truth.

You have been.

Nobody's dismissing it as a bit of fun - quite the contrary, it's no fun for anyone involved and the OP is asking for advice, not to be pulled to bits by people who've been burned in similar situations previously.