Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

POPPYOSCAR

clearingout wrote: »

There's a lot of financial point in marriage, particularly long marriages where pension sharing and houses with a ton of equity feature quite often. Contrary to popular opinion, I think marriage is actually quite difficult to get out of but at least there is a legal system there to support those who's exs try and bully and manipulate into getting the lion's share of a lifetime of marriage. My ex and I had a ton of equity and we'd had to agree who got what, I'd have got nothing at all and three children would never have seen their mother!

I can think of one friend who's 15 year relationship broke down and she ended up with nothing at all - some of it her own fault for not acting as quickly as she might have done or without legal support - but most of it down to the fact you can treat people awfully without the benefit of a certificate and get away with it.

This to me is the only point I can see of being married.

I cannot see the point of words in the marriage ceremony such as 'til death us do part' and 'for better or for worse' when there is such a thing as divorce.

neverdespairgirl

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Marriage comes from days when we all lived to our mid-30s if we were lucky. Now we live to our late 70s or even late 80s. It's a very rare couple who stay married and happy, with no infidelity on either side, for 50-60 years.

Average life expectancy shouldn't be confused with the age people lived to.

The average life expectancy at birth might have been, say, 37. But very few people probably died at that age! To get to 37, they'd probably survived several episodes of childbirth (women) and weren't in the first flush of fighting youth (men) and had survived a mixture of illnesses (both).

The average of 37 is weighted by a large number of infant deaths.

Welshwoofs

clearingout wrote: »

I can think of one friend who's 15 year relationship broke down and she ended up with nothing at all - some of it her own fault for not acting as quickly as she might have done or without legal support - but most of it down to the fact you can treat people awfully without the benefit of a certificate and get away with it.

Why did she end up with nothing at all....did she have nothing of her own going into the relationship? Did she earn/acquire nothing of her own during it?

Welshwoofs

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Average life expectancy shouldn't be confused with the age people lived to.

The average life expectancy at birth might have been, say, 37. But very few people probably died at that age! To get to 37, they'd probably survived several episodes of childbirth (women) and weren't in the first flush of fighting youth (men) and had survived a mixture of illnesses (both).

The average of 37 is weighted by a large number of infant deaths.

Well yes, obviously life expectancy is an average. However, let's say we take the middle ages where a third of all people died under the age of 1. It was still a case that if you managed to make it past that you'd be dying around the 50-55yr mark....so over 20 years earlier than today.

I don't find it terribly realistic that, say, a couple meeting and marrying at the age of 22 will still be together and have never strayed by the time they get to 72. Obviously there will be the odd couple who do - but most? Highly unlikely. I even see that as a natural thing rather than awful thing; people change a lot over the course of time - particularly 50 years - and they want different things. What's unrealistic is this bull$hit quasi-religious ceremony which people subject themselves to that holds them up to ideals which are neither biologically normal, nor realistic on any other level.

gratefulforhelp_2

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I've got pairs of shoes that are older than some of the marriages which people on this thread are holding up as the zenith of matrimonial bliss

How many people have claimed that?

It is pretty funny and true about shoes, but you can't get to your ruby wedding anniversary without being married 2, 3, 4, 5 years...et.c first, can you?

And one's chances aren't helped if your DH/DW gets with someone who wants to prise him/her from the marriage.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I cannot see the point of words in the marriage ceremony such as 'til death us do part' and 'for better or for worse' when there is such a thing as divorce.

The point is, that we aspire to "'til death us do part", not that we always achieve it.

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

The point is, that we aspire to "'til death us do part", not that we always achieve it.

Some do, some don't. And if your OH "gets with" someone else, chances are they are in the "don't" camp, so do you want them anyway? Why would you want to stay til death you do part with someone who's cheated on you?

VestanPance

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Marriage comes from days when we all lived to our mid-30s if we were lucky. Now we live to our late 70s or even late 80s. It's a very rare couple who stay married and happy, with no infidelity on either side, for 50-60 years.

I disagree. Maybe you know many people with low morals and that sort of attitude, but I know of many happy long term couples that have been faithful to each other.

One reason I've decided to never date again is the attitude and opinion of folk like yourself. How can you get involved with anyone who could hold an attitude such as that?

purpletoenails

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

And one's chances aren't helped if your DH/DW gets with someone who wants to prise him/her from the marriage.

I don't really think anyone could be prised from a marriage, unless they wanted to be. After all, everyone has free will and they don't have to do anything they don't want to do.

gettingbackontrack

purpletoenails wrote: »

After all, everyone has free will and they don't have to do anything they don't want to do.

Including sleeping with a married man. How can you live with this tissue of lies? Do you have any sense of right and wrong? Do you lie to your children like he does to his? What sort of a man does this? (Answer - a low-life but while there's a willing woman, there's a man who'll lie to the people he professes to love). What sort of simpleton thinks this man is worth having?

Shameful situation.

purpletoenails

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

Including sleeping with a married man. If you'd read the thread properly you will know that we have only slept together a handful of time in all the time I've known him How can you live with this tissue of lies? Do you have any sense of right and wrong? Yes, of course I do Do you lie to your children like he does to his? What sort of a man does this? (Answer - a low-life but while there's a willing woman, there's a man who'll lie to the people he professes to love). You don't even know him, so I don't think you can really make that assumption What sort of simpleton thinks this man is worth having? I do, and presumably his wife did at some point or she wouldn't have married him.

Shameful situation.

No need to resort to name calling