Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

nickyhutch wrote: »

I do see what you're saying, but you are generalising.

That';s what conclutions based on research statistics do....they suggest likely hood, very rarely absolutes!

VestanPance

nickyhutch wrote: »

So every daughter of a philanderer turns out to cheat? And every woman who cheats is the daughter of a philanderer? I do see what you're saying, but you are generalising.

No I was making an observation, not stating it as an outright positive result.

Going on stats I guess I move in a very unstat friendly place as the divorce rate would be almost null.

neverdespairgirl

lostinrates wrote: »

In cidentally, I remember reading once research that people who had been in families where divorce happened were more likely to divorce. Its a bit of a meanlingless stat, because oit gives no basis as to joy and experience with in those relationships... DH's dad is thrice married, but widowed from his second wife, my husband's mother.

On that basis, I'm hopeful. OH's parents were married once, to each other, until they both died. My parents have been married once, to each other, and still seem to like each other a lot. My grandparents were once-only, death-til-them-parted, and as were OH's, apart from his grandfather, who was a widower when he married OH's granny.

nickyhutch

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

On that basis, I'm hopeful. OH's parents were married once, to each other, until they both died. My parents have been married once, to each other, and still seem to like each other a lot. My grandparents were once-only, death-til-them-parted, and as were OH's, apart from his grandfather, who was a widower when he married OH's granny.

The only couple in my family to have divorced are my Mum and Dad. Both sets of grandparents had nearly 60 years of marriage before they died. My Dad had 4 aunties and an uncle on his Mum's side - all but one aunt (a spinster) married until they died.

erdd2

VestanPance wrote: »

This is incorrect or old information. In Scotland after two years of seperation a divorce will be granted, even if contested by the other party.

My words were..."Scotland does not grant divorce decree until all marital matters are formally agreed between the parties" and thus is indeed correct. I did not refer merely to any contesting matter.

erdd2

VestanPance wrote: »

One thing that's interesting is many who argue for divorce, affairs etc seem to come from broken parental relationships and know many other who also divorce and have affairs at will. I grew up without knowing anyone who had divorced, and as I approach 40 I'm the only divorcee in my circle of friends.

I knew of one, but knew none, divorcees until my own and no adultery by either party. I argue for divorce in that I wish my feuding parents had protected me from regular violent outbursts and trips to A & E but I do not advocate divorce if resolution can be found.

Welshwoofs

VestanPance wrote: »

As for 'till death do us part' being wrong, well if you believe that you should never get married in the first place.

Marriage comes from days when we all lived to our mid-30s if we were lucky. Now we live to our late 70s or even late 80s. It's a very rare couple who stay married and happy, with no infidelity on either side, for 50-60 years.

One thing that's interesting is many who argue for divorce, affairs etc seem to come from broken parental relationships and know many other who also divorce and have affairs at will.

I don't argue for divorce...I think people are totally crazy to get married in the first place. Unless you happen to be religious (and I'm an atheist), what exactly is the point of marriage? I've got pairs of shoes that are older than some of the marriages which people on this thread are holding up as the zenith of matrimonial bliss

1echidna

It is interesting some of the words used here - cheat, adulterer, philanderer - still have power to wound, but often there is little beyond the words and ultimately they are only words.

nickyhutch

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Marriage comes from days when we all lived to our mid-30s if we were lucky. Now we live to our late 70s or even late 80s. It's a very rare couple who stay married and happy, with no infidelity on either side, for 50-60 years.

Exactly.


I don't argue for divorce...I think people are totally crazy to get married in the first place. Unless you happen to be religious (and I'm an atheist), what exactly is the point of marriage? I've got pairs of shoes that are older than some of the marriages which people on this thread are holding up as the zenith of matrimonial bliss

I'd agree with this too (except I'm married!).

clearingout

There's a lot of financial point in marriage, particularly long marriages where pension sharing and houses with a ton of equity feature quite often. Contrary to popular opinion, I think marriage is actually quite difficult to get out of but at least there is a legal system there to support those who's exs try and bully and manipulate into getting the lion's share of a lifetime of marriage. My ex and I had a ton of equity and we'd had to agree who got what, I'd have got nothing at all and three children would never have seen their mother!

I can think of one friend who's 15 year relationship broke down and she ended up with nothing at all - some of it her own fault for not acting as quickly as she might have done or without legal support - but most of it down to the fact you can treat people awfully without the benefit of a certificate and get away with it.