Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

gratefulforhelp_2

nickyhutch wrote: »

Some do, some don't. And if your OH "gets with" someone else, chances are they are in the "don't" camp, so do you want them anyway? Why would you want to stay til death you do part with someone who's cheated on you?

It's the some don't people who cause the problems.

If you interview people on their wedding day, what proportion do you think are really expecting to get divorced some day?

purpletoenails wrote: »

everyone has free will and they don't have to do anything they don't want to do.

I wonder if you will confront your lover with this statement when he says he can't leave because of x,y,z?

cheepskate_2

nickyhutch wrote: »

Why would you want to stay til death you do part with someone who's cheated on you?

Turn it around.......Why would anyone want to go with this type of person.

By the way, when a man is sleeping with a mistress, he is also cheating on her, just because she knows doesn't make it any different.

He also lies to the mistress just as much as he lies to the wife. If both mistress and wife got together, i bet both stories would not add up.

gettingbackontrack

You have slept with him - whether once or 1,000 times, you have slept with him. It doesn't make it less repellent or you less culpable whether it only happened once. You knew he was married, you didn't care and you still don't care. I don't knwo how you dare come on here with a holier than thou attitude.

It's not an assumption about your lover - a man who breaks his marriage vows and lies to his children so he can scuttle off to see his mistress is a lowlife. If you can't see that, well.....

Re whether he's worth having, his wife presumably thought he was loyal and truthful when she married him. You KNOW he isn't either of those things - you must have very little self-respect to be happy to be his bit on the side while he lies and schemes at home. Grow a backbone and show some decency.

I could use worse names. Have a little sympathy for his betrayed wife and children and stop being so selfish.

clearingout

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Why did she end up with nothing at all....did she have nothing of her own going into the relationship? Did she earn/acquire nothing of her own during it?

It's a long story but essentially, he got her to agree to taking out an extra loan against their home which he pocketed and then walked out to live with his new girlfriend (who he then married). This plunged the house into negative equity. Obviously, she now owes the negative equity to the mortgage company (as does he) as it was repossessed (another long story). She got taken for a ride with a solicitor who told her what she wanted to hear (and I suspect, an unsympathetic judge) in trying to deal with it through the courts. Of course, she did walk away with furniture (and children) but that's nothing compared with the debt she now owes. She lost her job as she worked for his business, although this wasn't a long term issue.

I think more people (usually women) than you can imagine lose this much when relationships break down. I certainly made my ex husband's dreams my own when I married him and supported him in his business ventures. I lost all that when he went off with his girlfriend - she was his book-keeper and of course, helped him hide money. My settlement wasn't a bad one - but it should have been better and I will be paying back a debt I took out in my name for the business for at least the next 5 years. It was invested in the business but had I known he was s******g his book-keeper, I obviously wouldn't have done what I did! Some would suggest I was stupid for doing that in the first place, but let's face it, when you're married you're married and you beleive yourself to be working for the common good and a better future. I certainly didn't sacrifice what I did to have my husband's girlfriend running around in a sports car paid for by a company I helped to establish whilst I struggle to feed our children!

I think for those who have never been there, it is hard to imagine just how devious a person can be when they shift into leaving mode and decide that they deserve everything which means the other person needs destroying at all levels as part of the process. Guilt is a very powerful and destructive emotion.

PS It is fair to say my ex has had a few problems since deciding not to work with me anymore. The company has since disappeared (and not legally I might add - it is facing compulsory strike off by Companies House) and it was me who did all his tendering so whilst the girlfriend may have been good at hiding money, she certainly didn't replace me in her abilities to bring it in! I have a good laugh about that!

cheepskate_2

[QUOTE=clearingout;4570288

(and children) ![/QUOTE]

Your friend altho it looks like she has been shafted , has got the best things in the world.

Money and new girlfriends can go just as easily as they came, children are yours forever..

erdd2

cheepskate wrote: »

Money and new girlfriends can go just as easily as they came, children are yours forever..

Hear hear :T

seven-day-weekend

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

You have slept with him - whether once or 1,000 times, you have slept with him. It doesn't make it less repellent or you less culpable whether it only happened once. You knew he was married, you didn't care and you still don't care. I don't knwo how you dare come on here with a holier than thou attitude.

It's not an assumption about your lover - a man who breaks his marriage vows and lies to his children so he can scuttle off to see his mistress is a lowlife. If you can't see that, well.....

Re whether he's worth having, his wife presumably thought he was loyal and truthful when she married him. You KNOW he isn't either of those things - you must have very little self-respect to be happy to be his bit on the side while he lies and schemes at home. Grow a backbone and show some decency.

I could use worse names. Have a little sympathy for his betrayed wife and children and stop being so selfish.

I wish I could thank this more than once.

purpletoenails

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

It's the some don't people who cause the problems.

If you interview people on their wedding day, what proportion do you think are really expecting to get divorced some day? Everyone marries expecting it to be for keeps, but I'm sure people are aware that there is a reasonable chance it may not last forever.



I wonder if you will confront your lover with this statement when he says he can't leave because of x,y,z? No because if he doesnt feel able to leave, for whatever reasons, then thats up to him

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

You have slept with him - whether once or 1,000 times, you have slept with him. It doesn't make it less repellent or you less culpable whether it only happened once. You knew he was married, you didn't care and you still don't care. I don't knwo how you dare come on here with a holier than thou attitude. I don't have that attitude - but there are more than a few people posting that do

It's not an assumption about your lover - a man who breaks his marriage vows and lies to his children so he can scuttle off to see his mistress is a lowlife. If you can't see that, well..... actually he is a very hard working decent man who makes sure his family have everything they could ever want

Re whether he's worth having, his wife presumably thought he was loyal and truthful when she married him. You KNOW he isn't either of those things - you must have very little self-respect I have plenty, thank you to be happy to be his bit on the side while he lies and schemes at home. Grow a backbone and show some decency.

I could use worse names. Have a little sympathy for his betrayed wife and children and stop being so selfish.

I appreciate that you don't know me personally, but its not really right to judge someone's character based on one small aspect of their life. After all, if I was to judge some of the people who have posted on this thread, based purely on what they have written, then I might think they were quite unpleasant people.

CH27

How do you know his family have everything they want or need?
Because he says so?

He's hardly going to portray himself in a bad light to you is he?

erdd2

purpletoenails wrote: »

I appreciate that you don't know me personally, but its not really right to judge someone's character based on one small aspect of their life. After all, if I was to judge some of the people who have posted on this thread, based purely on what they have written, then I might think they were quite unpleasant people.

I believe this could be applied to many threads on the forum :eek: