Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

gettingbackontrack

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't have that attitude
Yes, you do. You show no concern for a betrayed woman and her children and claim it's nothing to do with you.

actually he is a very hard working decent man who makes sure his family have everything they could ever want
A liar who scuttles off to his mistress instead of spending time with his children on a weekend? Doesn't sound "decent" to me. And how, exactly, do you know what his family want? I suppose he's spun you a few yarns that you swallow hook line and sinker because it excuses - in your own mind -your behaviour.

I have plenty, thank you It's a pity you don't show some respect for his wife. How you dared to place yourself alongside her in terms of your relationship with this man is beyond me. What brass neck, what utter disregard for another.

I appreciate that you don't know me personally, but its not really right to judge someone's character based on one small aspect of their life.
But morality is a very important part fo who we are. If we lie and cheat in one form of life, we do in others. And this man is a liar - and you know.
After all, if I was to judge some of the people who have posted on this thread, based purely on what they have written, then I might think they were quite unpleasant people.[/QUOTE]
I suppose that last comment was aimed at me. I won't be lectured to by the likes of you. You disgust me - I might have a small amount of respect for you if you acknowledged that you are a marriagebreaker who is enabling and encouraging a man to lie to his wife and children but I suspect that's beyond the realms of possibility.

You can tell me he's a wonderful man til you're blue in the face but he's a liar and a cheat and if you can't see that, then I pity you. But not as much as I pity the poor woman whose husband said he would be faithful to her forsaking all others.

I feel sorry for your children. What sort of morality they grew up with, heavens knows.

basketcase

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Well yes, obviously life expectancy is an average. However, let's say we take the middle ages where a third of all people died under the age of 1. It was still a case that if you managed to make it past that you'd be dying around the 50-55yr mark....so over 20 years earlier than today.

I don't find it terribly realistic that, say, a couple meeting and marrying at the age of 22 will still be together and have never strayed by the time they get to 72. Obviously there will be the odd couple who do - but most? Highly unlikely. I even see that as a natural thing rather than awful thing; people change a lot over the course of time - particularly 50 years - and they want different things. What's unrealistic is this bull$hit quasi-religious ceremony which people subject themselves to that holds them up to ideals which are neither biologically normal, nor realistic on any other level.

Whilst I uphold your right to have that view, I'd rather you didn't phrase it quite so offensively. If you're not religious, that's your choice. To hold that it's unreasonable is a valid point of view. Calling other people's ideals bull$hit because you don't share them really isn't what MSE is about, surely. (Well, except for DT!)

basketcase

purpletoenails wrote: »

No need to resort to name calling

I agree! Whether or not you agree with what's being said.

nickyhutch

purpletoenails wrote: »

I appreciate that you don't know me personally, but its not really right to judge someone's character based on one small aspect of their life. After all, if I was to judge some of the people who have posted on this thread, based purely on what they have written, then I might think they were quite unpleasant people.

I couldn't have said this better.

This thread is getting nasty and personal again.

gettingbackontrack

One thing I will say for the OP's lover, though - he's very clever. He's groomed her into the perfect mistress - sits meekly waiting for him to show up when he can wriggle out of family commitments, daren't challenge him on hid double life in case it "puts him under pressure" and "spoils the days!" (!) and swallows every line about his family life. He's very good at the married lover bit - I wonder if this is the first time he's done it?

purpletoenails

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't have that attitude
Yes, you do. You show no concern for a betrayed woman and her children and claim it's nothing to do with you. I think you are being more 'holier than thou' than I am to be honest

actually he is a very hard working decent man who makes sure his family have everything they could ever want
A liar who scuttles off to his mistress instead of spending time with his children on a weekend? Not accurate at all Doesn't sound "decent" to me. And how, exactly, do you know what his family want? I suppose he's spun you a few yarns that you swallow hook line and sinker because it excuses - in your own mind -your behaviour. He has no need to 'spin me yarns'

I have plenty, thank you It's a pity you don't show some respect for his wife. How you dared to place yourself alongside her in terms of your relationship with this man is beyond me. What brass neck, what utter disregard for another.

I appreciate that you don't know me personally, but its not really right to judge someone's character based on one small aspect of their life.
But morality is a very important part fo who we are. If we lie and cheat in one form of life, we do in others. And this man is a liar - and you know. I lead a very useful life, and help others on a regular basis. As I said before, you cannot judge my character based on one aspect of my life.

After all, if I was to judge some of the people who have posted on this thread, based purely on what they have written, then I might think they were quite unpleasant people.[/QUOTE]
I suppose that last comment was aimed at me. I won't be lectured to by the likes of you. You disgust me - I might have a small amount of respect for you if you acknowledged that you are a marriagebreaker who is enabling and encouraging a man to lie to his wife and children but I suspect that's beyond the realms of possibility. no it wasnt aimed specifically at you, but the tone of your reply is extremely aggressive, judgemental and yes, unpleasant, so make of that what you will

You can tell me he's a wonderful man til you're blue in the face but he's a liar and a cheat and if you can't see that, then I pity you. But not as much as I pity the poor woman whose husband said he would be faithful to her forsaking all others.

I feel sorry for your children. What sort of morality they grew up with, heavens knows.

Please do not bring my parenting abilities into this - it has nothing to do with the situation whatsoever. My children are well bought up and well adjusted, and are kind hearted, helpful and hard working young people.

gettingbackontrack

nickyhutch wrote: »

I couldn't have said this better.

This thread is getting nasty and personal again.

A great many people think an adulterous affair is nasty - especially one without a shred of remorse or conscience.

And a thread announcing that someone is a mistress who wonders whether she's getting enough from the relationship is bound to get pretty personal. I expect the lied-to wife and children would feel pretty personal if/when they found out they have been betrayed.

nickyhutch

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't have that attitude
Yes, you do. You show no concern for a betrayed woman and her children and claim it's nothing to do with you. PTN meant that she doesn't have a holier-than-thou attitude to match yours.

actually he is a very hard working decent man who makes sure his family have everything they could ever want
A liar who scuttles off to his mistress instead of spending time with his children on a weekend? Doesn't sound "decent" to me. But you don't know him, so can't say with any accuracy. And how, exactly, do you know what his family want? I suppose he's spun you a few yarns that you swallow hook line and sinker because it excuses - in your own mind -your behaviour.

I have plenty, thank you It's a pity you don't show some respect for his wife. How you dared to place yourself alongside her in terms of your relationship with this man is beyond me. What brass neck, what utter disregard for another. You can put your point across without sounding so nasty and bitter, you know.

I appreciate that you don't know me personally, but its not really right to judge someone's character based on one small aspect of their life.
But morality is a very important part fo who we are. for some. It's not the be all and end all for some. If we lie and cheat in one form of life, we do in others. Woah! What do you base that huge, sweeping generalisation on?And this man is a liar - and you know.
After all, if I was to judge some of the people who have posted on this thread, based purely on what they have written, then I might think they were quite unpleasant people.[/QUOTE]

I suppose that last comment was aimed at me. I won't be lectured to by the likes of you. You disgust me - At least she hasn't stooped to making comments like that. I might have a small amount of respect for you if you acknowledged that you are a marriagebreaker who is enabling and encouraging a man to lie to his wife and children but I suspect that's beyond the realms of possibility. If I were PTN, I wouldn't care how much respect a person like you seem to be from your posts had for me.

You can tell me he's a wonderful man til you're blue in the face but he's a liar and a cheat and if you can't see that, then I pity you. But not as much as I pity the poor woman whose husband said he would be faithful to her forsaking all others.

I feel sorry for your children. What sort of morality they grew up with, heavens knows.

And that last line is the lowest of the low. What sort of morality? What sort of manners were you taught?

basketcase

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

One thing I will say for the OP's lover, though - he's very clever. He's groomed her into the perfect mistress - sits meekly waiting for him to show up when he can wriggle out of family commitments, daren't challenge him on hid double life in case it "puts him under pressure" and "spoils the days!" (!) and swallows every line about his family life. He's very good at the married lover bit - I wonder if this is the first time he's done it?

Whilst I can see where you're coming from, I agree with Nicky - people on both sides of the argument are starting to get offensive again.

Pity because otherwise valid and interesting points are getting lost.

nickyhutch

gettingbackontrack wrote: »

A great many people think an adulterous affair is nasty - especially one without a shred of remorse or conscience.

And a thread announcing that someone is a mistress who wonders whether she's getting enough from the relationship is bound to get pretty personal. I expect the lied-to wife and children would feel pretty personal if/when they found out they have been betrayed.

Thinking an adulterous affair is nasty does not give a complete stranger the right to judge a person's whole life and personality on one aspect of it, and go on to make nasty, personal comments.

The wife would have a right to get personal - you don't. I think PTN has got the jist of what you think and has replied; you're not going to mellow towards her or agree with her, so why continue to post?