Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

Or the third way - actually trust your partner and believe in them?

I haven't "made myself believe" that I trust my partner - I do trust him.

So you do actually believe that leopards change their spots? or is it just camoflage till the circumstances are right again?

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

So you do actually believe that leopards change their spots? or is it just camoflage till the circumstances are right again?

Yes, I believe they can. If I'm proved wrong down the line, so be it.

nickyhutch

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I wonder if his first wife did.

So what if she did or didn't? It's my relationship we're talking about (and you're puling to bits). I'm being upfront and honest with you - you don't need to treat me like a dim, naive little girl.

eeeeeee

if it makes you happy then go for it ... you only live once .. xx

purpletoenails

Errata wrote: »

Funny how many don't leave until something better comes along, despite unhappiness, incompatibility and misery.

Perhaps it's more convenient to stay, if there are children involved, or heavy financial commitments, or maybe they would rather not be on their own.

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Conversely, I wonder how many affairs carry on because the married party is too cowardly to break it off. Especially if the affair partner starts getting heavy with threats to tell all if they are dumped.

I can't imagine this happens a lot - what's the point of blackmailing someone into staying with you if they don't want to be?

poet123 wrote: »

So you do actually believe that leopards change their spots? or is it just camoflage till the circumstances are right again?

based on this assumption, will I only be wanting to go out with married men now, as I've done it once before?

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

Yes, I believe they can. If I'm proved wrong down the line, so be it.

,
Without being rude, I think you do fall into the second category, thinking your relationship is different, maybe it is for now, but what if the circumstances were the same as they were before?or rather he thought they were. The wife is usually the last to know,, as we have seen from the OP.

Generalising, how can anyone trust someone implicitly who has lied ad cheated and sneaked around? Why are they different now?

poet123

purpletoenails wrote: »

based on this assumption, will I only be wanting to go out with married men now, as I've done it once before?

Perhaps not "only" but having done it once, if you had assurances it would end well I think you may well be more inclined to do it again, yes.

nickyhutch

purpletoenails wrote: »

Perhaps it's more convenient to stay, if there are children involved, or heavy financial commitments, or maybe they would rather not be on their own. I think people do stay because of the kids, a lot of the time.

I can't imagine this happens a lot - what's the point of blackmailing someone into staying with you if they don't want to be?

based on this assumption, will I only be wanting to go out with married men now, as I've done it once before?

Of course you will - you're a harlot, now, my dear, and a leopard NEVER changes its spots! Women - lock up your husbands!

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

,
Without being rude, I think you do fall into the second category, thinking your relationship is different, maybe it is for now, but what if the circumstances were the same as they were before?or rather he thought they were. The wife is usually the last to know,, as we have seen from the OP.

Generalising, how can anyone trust someone implicitly who has lied ad cheated and sneaked around? Why are they different now?

You are being rude. I don't think we are any different from most couples.

For now? He's been here 8 years.

How can I trust someone who's lied, cheated and sneaked around? I know him better than you, so find it quite easy. Why shouldn't he be different now? Do people never change? He also trusts me, despite my having been a "leopard" in my past.

Errata

purpletoenails wrote: »

Perhaps it's more convenient to stay, if there are children involved, or heavy financial commitments, or maybe they would rather not be on their own.

A marriage isn't a convenience to stick at for as long as it's convenient to do so.