heartbroken

mummyroysof3

im so sorry you are going through this

the only thing i can offer advice on im afraid is the OU, have you enquired about finacial support? my hubby works and earns a low wage and i dont work and we both have been entitled to full funding, its worth looking into

take care of yourself x

coin_operated_girl

Percy1983 wrote: »

To be honest I don't think he has cheater either and what you about this new group of friends you are right it would have happened eventually.

If its not meant to be then so be it.

I actually finnished a relationship once which nobody could understand why at the time. As it is I was seeing a loverly girl, we got along great all was fine, but after a few months I had a niggling feeling something wasn't right despite everything being great and when a friend asked why I was thinking of splitting with her my answer was ' I could spend the rest of my life with her, but she isn't the one'. Now this all seemed an odd thought at the time but 18 months after that I met the women I am going to marry and it ends up she is a friend of said ex, now if I didn't break off the relationship at that point here is 2 problems it could have caused. 1, I could still be with said ex and would have met my wife to be, 2, wife to be accepted a short relationship with her friend as nothing too serious, if it had gone on longer it may have been a problem.

My point is everything happens for a reason even if it isn't clear exactly why at the time.

Things will get easier, just keep the good memories and in time you will add more good memories without him.

Thanks its nice to hear other peoples stories and its nice to know that some of you don't think he cheated. I know none of you know him so you all you can do is form an opinion based on what i have said, but there are some things that i just cant put into words like the devastation on his face and his body language that tells me he didn't cheat. I can tell straight away when he is lying and i know he wasn't being dishonest.

coin_operated_girl

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

im so sorry you are going through this

the only thing i can offer advice on im afraid is the OU, have you enquired about finacial support? my hubby works and earns a low wage and i dont work and we both have been entitled to full funding, its worth looking into

take care of yourself x

Thanks, i think i have looked into this before but i am not eligible because i already have a degree.

kdenty

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

I think one thing that is really bothering me about my future is the uncertainty of it all. I always knew that with him i was going to be OK. He is one of these people that you just know is going to be successful. He is just about to start a new job that is very well paid and hard to get into. This time next year he is planning on buying his own flat in London as his parents are giving him a load of money. As selfish and as superficial as it sounds, i am gutted that this security has been taken away from me. It is very unlikely that i will ever be able to afford a place on my own as i doubt i will ever be able to work full time due to ill health. I am half way through doing an Open Uni degree and i have no idea how i am going to fund the rest of it now that i dont have the luxury of living rent-free whilst earning some money (that was always the plan, get a lodger to practically pay for the mortgage for a few years, by that time the ex would be on very good pay). There is no one i can ask for to borrow money from- the ex always said that if i needed some for my OU course he would give it to me.

The future is never certain and you really can't learn to depend on someone else for your own future happiness.

He could have strung you along a few more years and then moved on leaving you with a lot less chance of sorting your own life out and in even great financial difficulty.

You need to be in control of your own future. It may be more difficult going it alone but at the end of the day how will you ever get a job if he has to be there to hold your hand every step of the way.

coin_operated_girl

kdenty wrote: »

The future is never certain and you really can't learn to depend on someone else for your own future happiness.

He could have strung you along a few more years and then moved on leaving you with a lot less chance of sorting your own life out and in even great financial difficulty.

You need to be in control of your own future. It may be more difficult going it alone but at the end of the day how will you ever get a job if he has to be there to hold your hand every step of the way.

I know what you are saying is true but it is still hard. I think over the years i probably have become a bit too dependent on him and, as you say, leaned on him for my own happiness. I'm just going to have to try and use this experience as even more determination to get what i want from life. I know that i will be able to get a job without his help, but i think you are right, he has been there to hold my hand for a lot of other things. I can see that i relied on him way too much, but he was always happy to help and was so supportive that i think it just happened without me realising.

CheeseCat

For what its worth, I don't think it sounds like he cheated either.

I have been in his shoes - a 4 year relationship and I felt so terrible but I just didn't love my ex the same way I used to and it took me a long time to even admit it to myself before I could tell him. Nobody else was involved, feelings can just change sadly - especially as you were so young when you got together, people can grow apart or change so much over a period of years and just want different things.

I think once you break up (whether the one doing the breaking up or the one sad its over) you go through a stage of wanting to find yourself, self improvement in a way. He's probably changing his profile picture as a 'fresh start' - and its really not a big deal... mine changes almost daily.

I hope you feel better soon and think about how to expand your social circle

coin_operated_girl

So far i haven't done nearly as much crying as i thought i would. I still don't think it has properly hit me and i don't think it will for another week or so, when i properly start to feel lonely.

I just feel so numb in my mind and body. My muscles feel weird. Its like i can feel and am aware of each separate muscle in my body. They feel heavy and it makes it hard to move. It almost feels like its not my body. I constantly feel sick and its a real struggle to keep food down. And im so tired that as soon as i sit down i feel like i am about to fall asleep, yet when i go to bed i cannot sleep. I don't lie awake thinking about things, i pretty sure i don't think about anything, but i still can't sleep. I'm so exhausted and i don't really feel like the emotional pain has even began to hit me yet.

Money_maker

This too shall pass... and you will come out of the other side feeling stronger. Hope the pain eases soon.

Just wanted to add how impressed I was with the level of support from posters on this thread - all credit to you lot for helping coin operated girl get through this whatever time of day or night as she pours out her heartbreak x

Lotus-eater

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

So far i haven't done nearly as much crying as i thought i would. I still don't think it has properly hit me and i don't think it will for another week or so, when i properly start to feel lonely.

I just feel so numb in my mind and body. My muscles feel weird. Its like i can feel and am aware of each separate muscle in my body. They feel heavy and it makes it hard to move. It almost feels like its not my body. I constantly feel sick and its a real struggle to keep food down. And im so tired that as soon as i sit down i feel like i am about to fall asleep, yet when i go to bed i cannot sleep. I don't lie awake thinking about things, i pretty sure i don't think about anything, but i still can't sleep. I'm so exhausted and i don't really feel like the emotional pain has even began to hit me yet.

It's just your mind coping with the loss.

You need to move on a little bit, buy a few clothes (doesn't have to be expensive) buy some makeup, have a makeover, change a bit. This is the new you now. The better you that can do whatever you want. Start a dating website profile?

First thing to do is to change your sig. He got rid of you, that was his choice, but that's the way it is, it's his mistake and he will live to regret it, by which time you will be well settled and happy. You will, you might not think it now, but you will.

coin_operated_girl

Money_maker wrote: »

This too shall pass... and you will come out of the other side feeling stronger. Hope the pain eases soon.

Just wanted to add how impressed I was with the level of support from posters on this thread - all credit to you lot for helping coin operated girl get through this whatever time of day or night as she pours out her heartbreak x

I agree, i really do appreciate it, i dont know what i would do without the support on here. Thank you so much everyone