heartbroken

coin_operated_girl

Yeah you are probably right. I would like to think i meant more to him than something which he could throw away as soon as someone else showed an interest, but maybe he just got caught up in all the excitement or something. I guess something must have been going wrong for him to end it- maybe he did start to fall out of love with me and then this was what pushed him over the edge. One thing you are definitely right about though is that its better it happened now then a few years down the line.

Interestingly, i just copied and pasted a bit of the emailed to a friend and she said it seemed really weirdly written. I noticed that too and wondered if he had had a couple of drinks or was on something. Its not full of spelling mistakes or anything but something seemed a little "off". Maybe he was just really upset when he wrote it

Keeping_Motivated

Are you going to email him back? Would you tell him you are also seeing someone so that he knows you too are moving on?

coin_operated_girl

yeah i did email him back this morning. I said that i am seeing someone as well, i feel a bit guilty about it now. I'm worried i've hurt him, but i just wanted him to know that i am moving on too and that im not sitting around moping like it seems like he thinks i am. I think i wish i didn't say anything now

Lotus-eater

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

yeah i did email him back this morning. I said that i am seeing someone as well, i feel a bit guilty about it now. I'm worried i've hurt him, but i just wanted him to know that i am moving on too and that im not sitting around moping like it seems like he thinks i am. I think i wish i didn't say anything now

I'm sure he thinks the same

I don't see why you should feel guilty, he dropped you remember? Then got together with someone else.

coin_operated_girl

Yeah i know. I just think maybe i've hurt him. I mean its only been 24 hours since i replied but given he is always on his computer and emails go straight to his phone he normally replies straight away. Maybe he was just busy and hasn't had time to reply though. I mean maybe i just wont get a response at all. I didn't ask him any questions or anything but he emailed me to ask about our stuff and i said its all at my dads house (which isn't particularly close) and either we can sort through the stuff together or he can just go on his own and i'll trust him to be fair (good luck if he takes that option because my dad now hates him). So im kinda expecting him to respond with what he wants to do about that.

The more i think about it the more unnecessary i think it was of him to tell that hes seeing someone else. Like i said, he was just doing to try and help me move on but he could have asked how i was feeling first and then mentioned it if i said that im still hoping he will come back. I certainly wasn't going to say anything about the guy i am seeing had he not mentioned her. He also said that if we become friends in the future then i would find out anyway...well they might not be together in like 6 months and he wouldn't have had to tell me how soon they got together.

I guess we are both shocked and hurt that we are both seeing someone already- perhaps he is even more so because he left me, so probably thought i would be the one to take ages to get over it.

Argh, i can feel stuff is turning into a bit of a mess, i didn't want that at all

Elle7

It was unnecessary for him to tell you that he is seeing someone else. It's also incredibly egotistical of him to be thinking that you are sitting crying over him...he's telling you so you don't mope over him? Maybe he wasn't telling you to hurt you, but maybe it's worse that he honestly believes he's moving on while you are just sitting waiting for him to come home?

I think that you should end contact. If you have things to sort out, then text him with an arrangement - send him to your dads on his own, because seeing him won't do your head any good, it'll just upset you. He left you in a horrid way - let him deal with the fall out from your parents. Then don't respond to him for a bit. Let yourself actually heal, and move on, and then you can contact each other in a few months. That way it'll be clean - no reason for it to start getting messy or anyone to get hurt.

If you meet him and then keep in contact I can see this turning into a painful mess. I hope you are okay...please don't punish yourself by meeting him. Look at what he thinks of you - that you'd be sat waiting for him, crying, that he needs to tell you that he's seeing someone else so you stop waiting...stop boosting his ego, and leave him behind. I do appreciate how painful that is after so long, but you really are worth more then the point-scoring this seems to be becoming.

So, have you got plans for this week? Onwards and upwards

coin_operated_girl

In all fairness to him i certainly didn't think that i would be over him yet (ok, im clearly not completely over him but im doing better than expected). I think we both thought that i would fall into a horrible depression as i have been there before, but it turns out im a lot stronger than either of us expected. I guess it was a little patronising of him to think that im moping around whilst hes moving on. Two things surprised me are that 1. he said he has had some very rough times the past month and 2. he is now seeing someone. But i suppose that just because he ended it doesn't mean he was fine with it- and he clearly wasn't.

You're right about ending contact. I thought i was ready to be in contact but clearly i'm not. I think i would have been fine had he not mentioned about seeing someone though. He probably thought the same until he read i am seeing someone. We definitely need to give it more time (we agreed 6 months), but i think a bit of damage has already been done. I think the whole point of his email was to tell me he was seeing someone else and that he wants his stuff back- the rest of it was just filler.

I dont think i know him like i used to. I knew his friends were changing him. At least i have no idea who he is seeing. I doubt ive ever met her- if i have it would have only been once or twice so i wont remember her. Thats something at least...its not like i can compare myself to her. My friends say its probably just a rebound relationship and maybe it is as it seems like he took things so hard, but i have no right to judge because i dont think i am in a rebound relationship (at least i hope not, i would hate to use someone like that).

No plans for the week really. Ive got my voluntary job tomorrow which i am looking forward to just so i can forget about everything for a couple of hours and then the rest of the time i need to spend doing my OU work. Im so far behind now. I was supposed to do it over the weekend but didn't feel well on Sat and then i read the email from my ex first thing Sun morning so i couldn't concentrate. How about you? Are you feeling better? Did you manage to make it to the theme park?

skypie123_2

Elle7 wrote: »

It was unnecessary for him to tell you that he is seeing someone else. It's also incredibly egotistical of him to be thinking that you are sitting crying over him...he's telling you so you don't mope over him? Maybe he wasn't telling you to hurt you, but maybe it's worse that he honestly believes he's moving on while you are just sitting waiting for him to come home?

I think that you should end contact. If you have things to sort out, then text him with an arrangement - send him to your dads on his own, because seeing him won't do your head any good, it'll just upset you. He left you in a horrid way - let him deal with the fall out from your parents. Then don't respond to him for a bit. Let yourself actually heal, and move on, and then you can contact each other in a few months. That way it'll be clean - no reason for it to start getting messy or anyone to get hurt.

If you meet him and then keep in contact I can see this turning into a painful mess. I hope you are okay...please don't punish yourself by meeting him. Look at what he thinks of you - that you'd be sat waiting for him, crying, that he needs to tell you that he's seeing someone else so you stop waiting...stop boosting his ego, and leave him behind. I do appreciate how painful that is after so long, but you really are worth more then the point-scoring this seems to be becoming.

So, have you got plans for this week? Onwards and upwards

^^^^ This. Absolutely. xx

coin_operated_girl

The more i think about things the more annoyed i am getting. He also said in the email that he thinks he was generous for letting me keep some of our stuff (i think he is mainly talking about our big TV we bought together a few years ago) with out asking for any money or anything, so would appreciate if he could have some of our stuff so he doesnt have to buy everything again. I agreed that he it was generous and thanked him.

Now ive just remembered that after uni we got a flat together. I was unable to work due to ill health so we agreed that as he was working full time i would do all the cooking, cleaning, food shopping etc (i wasn't able to do it all the time, but with a bit of forward planning i could do it the majority of the time) and on top of that i gave him all my benefits money- i gave him every single penny i got. My benefits was enough to cover my half of the rent but then he had to pay for everything else like council tax, bills, food, when we went out etc. But we agreed that as he was earning and as i did what i could to make home life nice and easy for him then we would call it evens. However, he seemed to enjoy telling all his friends how he paid for everything for me which made me feel like crap (as you can imagine). I pulled him up on it a few times and he would just say that he was joking- well his friends don't know that he was joking. They didn't know that i gave him every penny i had and that i did all the housework. Anyway, when we moved out he was in a bit of a huff over the money and i agreed to give him my half of everything i hadn't paid for, which we worked out to be around £2,500. So that was all my savings, gone. I wasn't very happy about wasting my savings on something like that- i wouldnt have moved there had i known it would cost me all my savings. I know its my fault, he didn't force me to hand over the money but i guess i thought it didn't matter since he would be supporting me financially a lot over the years anyway.

Now he has got this new job he can expect to be earning £40,000 in 3-4 years time (bear in mind he is only 25) and that once he has passed his probationary period at work (1 year) his parents will be giving him £100,000 for a deposit for a flat, which he buy a 2 bedroom place and rent one of the rooms out which will pretty much pay for the mortgage. And then theres me, receiving £50 a week, unlikely to ever be able to work full time and no savings left. So yes, him letting me keep the TV and a couple of pots and pans is very ducking generous of him indeed :mad:

Edit: oh and because i gave him my savings i cant afford to carry on with my OU degree, which he is fully aware of

coin_operated_girl

I really, really regret telling my ex that i am seeing someone now. I know he was the one who ended things and that he is seeing someone now, but i think if he wasn't that bothered by it he would have responded to my email by now. I think i am more upset that i've probably hurt him than i am that he is seeing someone. I'm really worried about him, i dont want to send him back to a bad place

Maybe i'm wrong and he isn't that bothered by it. When we broke up i asked how he would feel if i was with someone else- just to see what he would say, if he said he would be absolutely crushed, then maybe he would realise he didn't want to lose me. But he didn't he said he thinks that he would be ok with it. But if i know him as well i think i do then he is absolutely crushed and i have sent him back to place that he only goes to in times of complete heartbreak and devastation.