heartbroken

skypie123_2

Please re read the post you wrote before your last one.
The more you talk about this guy the less he comes across as Mr Wonderful.
I don't think he has treated you well and I don't think you should be worrying about him. He certainly didn't worry about you when he dumped you like that.
Who cares if he is gutted you're seeing someone? Thats the risk he took when he dumped you and started seeing someone else!
What does he expect you to do - wear a hair shirt or something?!
You deserve better than this t@sser who frankly sounds like an immature, selfish toe-rag to me!
xxx

coin_operated_girl

I guess its just easier to talk about the bad things rather than the good. I know he doesn't come across as Mr Wonderful, but he was pretty damn perfect for me and really was an amazing boyfriend. I can't tell you how kind, supportive, generous and loving he was. Sure he had his flaws, but we all do. Maybe i just think that because i don't know any better though. I still really, really care about him. The last thing i want to do is hurt him. I know i shouldn't care about him but i still do. I promise that everyone's posts aren't falling on deaf ears and i accept that theres probably a case of slight rose tinted glasses on my part, but he really was an amazing boyfriend. If i needed him he would drop everything to help me, he spent hours at a time helping me with benefit appeals and helping me understand my OU work, he stuck by me even though i have a serious health condition (which is very commendable given our age), he always put me first and told me and showed me he loved me everyday- I could go on. He really was something special. If i find someone as half as good as him i will be lucky.

I can see why you and everyone else thinks that about him though based on what i have said, i guess i just need to vent about some of the less than perfect things he did.

skypie123_2

i really didn't mean to sound as harsh as I did and I'm sorry.
I am just annoyed on your behalf!

When I was 22 I met a wonderful guy and fell madly in love. We ended up engaged and living together and I rushed ahead and planned the wedding. I loved him like mad and he loved me but we had a series of horrible things happen to us and his friends at the time just didn't like me.
Anyway 4 weeks before the wedding we had a row and he ended it. Properly.
I was distraught and couldn't eat or sleep, ended up moving back to my parents with £2.24 in my pocket, no job, my friends lived miles away, nothing. I had absolutely nothing and no way of knowing what to do. I missed everything about him.
I ended up getting a job interview as an air stewardess and got a better (but similar job) and ended up 4 weeks after our split in London training for 6 weeks. New people, new start. I look back on that time as I had to pretty much start from scratch and some days it was like having to learn to breathe all over again.
I met and married someone else had two gorgeous children, ended up divorced 5 years ago.
2 and a half years ago I came across him on FB. Added him for old times sake. He accepted me and he had not long split from his wife. We ended up chatting but I never imagined anything more. After a few weeks he suggested we meet so I drove to see him. I was excited but not expecting much and then BAM! It was still there and we now live together as one big family and we are getting married (and properly this time!!)
I wanted you to know that sometimes it works out like that even if you don't expect it to but you are a prize and he needs to do a LOT of work to get you back if thats what happens whenever.
I know no-one knows your relationship like you two but you need to concentrate on YOU and let the future take care of itself.
xxx
(ps sorry if I've waffled!)
pps I just showed my post to him and he says I forgot to mention that I was a 'right snotty cow at times!' :rotfl:
Bottom line is it wouldn't have worked between us back then, but it does now and this might be the case for you (or it might not) but only time will tell.

coin_operated_girl

Thats ok i appreciate you can only go on what i am saying.

Wow. 4 weeks before the wedding? Ouch! Good on you for sorting your life out so quickly after splitting from your ex though, that really says a lot about your character. It seems like when people break up they either make a real effort to pick themselves up or they they just let their world crumble around them. It seems like we are the strong ones I know what you mean though, i really feel like i am starting from scratch, and i guess i am; no job, no money, hardly any friends in the area. I have been trying hard to fix all of those aspects though, but its very hard letting go of the security i had in my ex.

That is soooo lovely to hear about you and your OH. I guess its true what they say- if its meant to be then it will be! Its funny because i was talking to a friend yesterday and i said i wouldn't be surprised if we are one of those couples who find their way back to each other after X amount of years. It just seems like we have (had?) a real deep connection that was almost a bit freaky. For example if i got a random tummy cramp or something he would start getting one shortly after i did, even if i didn't say anything to him about it. It was almost as if my pain was his pain. We used to joke that when we have kids he would go through a male pregnancy with me lol.

I guess only time will tell what will happen.

...That is such a sweet story about you and your OH!

coin_operated_girl

Evening all,

Hope everyone is well.

Ive heard back from my ex now. He went camping for a week which is why is he was unable to respond quickly, because the internet connection wasn't very good where he was.

He said he isn't upset that i am seeing someone (guess he has moved on a lot quicker than i thought). He said it doesn't exactly feel great to know i am with someone else and he doesn't want to be friends on fb so he doesn't have to see pics of who i am with (ditto) but he is glad i am not on my own and thanked me for telling him that i didn't have this guy i am seeing lined up in case things between me and my ex went wrong (but added that he would never think i was like that)- i told him this because to an outsider it might look like i already had feelings for him as things happened so quickly. I still believe he didn't cheat on me and i still think he didn't have feelings for the person he is seeing whilst he was with me. I imagine things happened in a very similar way to what happened to me; he needed a shoulder to cry on and someone was there for him more than anyone else. Its probably quite natural for things to develop when that happens as you see a vulnerable side to someone and you form a deep friendship quickly.

We've talked a bit about what happened between us and i guess i was hoping he could shed some more light on why things ended so quickly. He didn't really give me an explanation, just said that he thinks he made the right decision and that he can understand why i feel like he bailed on us. I don't think he can give me a proper reason and in reality i don't think there is one, i think its just one of those things. The more i talk and think about things the more i think that what we had fizzled out very slowly over time and neither of us noticed because we were such good friends and because of the age we got together, neither of us knew any different. I think with all the changes going on in his life it took him out of our comfortable little world and he was able to see things a bit differently. I have told him that this is what i think happened to see whether he agrees (he hasn't got back to me yet), i suspect he will. It certainly explains why we have both been able to move on so quickly and why theres no hard feelings. Now that i have had time to process it, im not that bothered he is seeing someone else. I don't feel jealous and i don't feel rejected/replaced. This is quite a big thing for me because i can be quite a jealous person when it comes to my ex. Although i wouldn't do/say anything if i thought someone was trying to flirt with my ex when i was with him, i would be raging inside. I imagine that if you are in love with someone and they start seeing someone else then you would feel at least a bit jealous or bitter. So the fact that i don't can only mean one thing

Its really, really nice to hear fro my ex. Its great to be able to talk about things so honestly and to know where he stands on everything. I feel like its not the end for us- sure its most likely going to be just a friendship rather than anything else, but im ok with that. At least im lucky enough to have him in my life. Once we have got this bit of talking out the way we will leave each other alone for 6 months to do the final bit of moving on and then we will get back in contact as friends- we will probably just stay as online friends though i imagine. I honestly think both of us will be ok just being friends, it seems like we are already at that stage, but want to give it plenty of time to ensure neither of us start developing feelings again.

Its so sad to have to close this chapter of my life, i feel like i have lost a twin. I still feel sad when i think of all the things we said we were going to do but never got around to doing and when i think of all the little things that i loved so much about him that i wont experience any more.

I haven't seen the guy i am seeing in a couple of weeks as he is away on hol (so far, since we started seeing each other hes actually been out of the country longer than hes been in it lol- hence why he is still "the guy i am seeing" and not "my boyfriend") so i am looking forward to seeing him over the bank hol (we're going camping with a friend and her bf) and getting to know him a bit more and having a massive hug. In the mean time i have got an essay to write which has to be handed in next week. I just cannot find the motivation at all to do it. I will write it, but i know it wont be very good. I guess ive just given up on it because of all the stuff that has happened- i sort of see it as the enemy that has been bugging me whilst i just want to go out and have fun so i can move on from my ex. I've tried to convince myself that the sooner i get it done the sooner i can forget about it and go and have some more fun but its just not happening. I'm going to try and get a chunk of it done tonight...right after Eastenders

coin_operated_girl

so no relationship update, but, i saw my neurologist today. He said that he thinks that within 10 years time they will have come up with a cure for my medical condition. He said obviously he cant guarantee it, but he would be very surprised if they don't.

Words cannot describe how amazing it feels to think that i might get my health and my life back.

Elle7

Yay! Can I ask what you've got?

I'm suffering today too. Pretty much bed-bound and it hurts to type or move, so this won't be long. I did read what you said yesterday, and I am glad you are moving on and not hurting....just remember to keep your guard up until you are fully over him. I think the 6 month clean break is perfect - you'll probably be the best of friends afterwards, and neither of you will have secret feelings about the other.

When does new-boy come home? I'm off on my first holiday on 28th...exciting! Or scary, right now. Still...I get back the day before I will get evicted. Fun!

coin_operated_girl

I've got narcolepsy. It seems like for a long time i had chronic fatigue syndrome along side it as well (was never officially diagnosed with it as its hard to diagnose just on its own, let alone with someone with narcolepsy, but its been talked about due to some symptoms i had), which is why i have been completely unable to work. But that has gradually got better and i no longer get ill just from doing minor things so i think the CFS has gone away and im just left with narcolepsy now. So i now feel ready to work part time, but hopefully in the future, if they can cure narcolepsy then i can work full time again

Sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I'm guessing you have fibromyalgia/CFS?

I'm still hurting a little bit. I'm finding it difficult to let go of the future we were going to have. Without sounding like a gold digger i know my ex is going to be quite well off because of the good job he has and his parents going to give him a load of money for a deposit on a flat, so its quite scary letting go of that security, particularly for someone who is unable to work full time (well for now at least, who knows what will happen in 10 years). I guess i am also a tiny bit resentful that we have waited for so long to be in this position of security, and times have been very rough due to lack of money and now he is seeing someone else, she is just walking into his life when things are about to be all good. That probably sounds bad but i hope you guys will understand what i mean. And, of course i (we) have lost just all the other security that comes with being in a long term relationship. But all i can do is go with the flow of things for now.

The new-boy (lol) gets back next friday, so still another week to wait I hope you have a good hol, going anywhere nice? At least you have got a place lined up (from what i remember) to move into when you get back Did you make it to the theme park in the end btw?

Dinah93

You're not nessisarily going to be insecure though, you don't know whats around the corner, either through another relationship, a windfall or your health improving you could well have all the security you envisaged.

coin_operated_girl

Morning,

Just wondering how everyone is doing?

I'm doing ok but i'm finding things a bit harder as time goes on. I think everything (things to do with the ex, OU work, looking for jobs etc) is just getting on top of me and i feel like i am burning out a bit. I'm going away over the bank hol so hopefully that will recharge my batteries.

Not heard any more from the ex. He said he has only been home for a few days since we have split up so hasn't really had much time to respond to my emails. At first i thought "ah, thats nice his friends are taking care of him". But, i was talking to myself in the shower this morning (dont ask lol) and i realised something...who spends a month and a half 'hanging out' with their friends? A week or two, sure thats normal, but a month and a half? (he only lives a 40 min drive from them so its not like they are on the other side of the country) I think he is scared to be on his own. I think he is scared to face up to the monumental duck up he has made. At some point he is going to have to face up to it, he can't carry on like this forever, especially when he starts his new job.

My house mate thinks he hasn't got a new gf but i am sure he has. He is not one to lie and play games, but everything seems a bit "oh look at me, look how much fun i am having and look how busy i am keeping myself"...it all seems a bit false, like he is trying too hard.

Despite what it probably sounds like, i don't think i want him back, i don't feel like i am in love with him any more but i still can't stop thinking about him and analysing everything