heartbroken

blue_suzy

his mother called me last night to say she had the all clear from the hospital[kidney problems]she doesn't have his number,we both ended up in tears,i text him to let him know, no reply.also i was refused to have our mortgage in my sole name because of affordability,even though i pay it.he still says he wants nothing from me and is going to see a solicitor himself to give up any rights on our home. don't know how long i can afford to stay here on just my income.he says i have done nothing wrong and he cares but doesn't love me,its he that has changed,he says there is no one else, so i cant understand why he wont come home, he has applied to the council for his own place but is way down the list he says he cant afford to rent a private property,i:(m very confused,what does he want, he just works all the time,7 days a week,for what ! sorry for long post just need to vent.

blue_suzy

incidently we have been married 7 years in September, 14 years in total, is it the itch,or mid life crises,who knows,but whatever, it has wrecked my life as i knew it.

coin_operated_girl

Sorry that everyone is having a tough time at the moment. Wow fs110, i bet your boss loves you...at least you will have extra money to spend on having fun and forgetting about her

Glad your MIL is ok Suzy. I think its so unfair that someone can just change like that. I know people are constantly changing but when you're in a couple you feel like you are changing together don't you, and then all of a sudden, out of no where, they inform you that you aren't. It doesn't sound like there is anyone else to me, it sounds like he just doesn't feel the same way any more and he feels really bad/guilty about leaving you so is trying to make things as easy as possible for you by agreeing to give you rights to your home etc. Thats sort of what happened with me and my ex but on a much smaller scale as we don't own a home- he said i can have all of the stuff we bought together like our big TV etc. It was written all over his face that he felt so incredibly sorry/guilty about making all these promises to me about being with me forever and then breaking them that i know he was just trying to make things easier for me.

I don't really feel like i have much 'right' to say this to you because me and my ex were only together for 6 years and weren't married/didnt own a home together, but it may feel like your life is wrecked now, but you will move on. Its probably impossible to think about that right now, but you will one day.

blue_suzy

we have had a massive falling out by text tonight,i have told him exactly what i think of him.my first husband left me for dead ,and i said i would have preferred that ,at least you can heal.what he has done is cruel,and i don't know how to get over that.i feel so much stronger now,he can get stuffed,its not about material things,i have told him i am leaving home and i will tell the bank where he works.sorry, mad now,i am putting the ball in his court i have had enough of being nice.i will post tomorrow when i have calmed down, goodnight all you nice people.

coin_operated_girl

How are you feeling today Suzy? Glad you are feeling stronger now and good for you for not taking any crap from him

I hope everyone else is doing ok as well. I just want to thank everyone again for all the advice and support given to me. I have a little update...I'm seeing that guy i like now I know its quite soon after breaking up with my ex, but i think ive mentioned throughout most of this thread that whilst its really sad that we broke up and that it still doesn't feel real because i thought we were going to be together forever, a part of me has felt "ok" with the breakup. I guess maybe the relationship came to its natural end and he wasn't the one. Me and the guy im seeing now have spoken about it over the weekend because he was worried it was too soon for me and i said i dont think its too soon- i still love my ex but i dont think im in love with him and i know i wouldn't take him back if he ever asked (if i did it would be for all the wrong reasons; because we have a history together not because i'm in love with him)- but i want to take things slowly and he said he thinks thats a good idea, so yeah, we'll just see how everything goes. He is going away on holiday on Fri and my housemate who ive gotten to know quite well recently is going away as well, so this will be my first weekend alone since the breakup. I think i will be ok though, a few weeks ago i would have been really worried how i will get through it, but i dont feel like that now- i mean i might get bored, but i dont think im going to spend the weekend crying over my ex.

Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Percy1983

That sounds great, it does sound like he was sitting back and waiting as I thought, from what you say he seems a nice guy so don't ever be affraid to say stop/slow down.

To be honest this doesn't sound too much like a rebound and you seem to be with him for the right reasons so never worry about it.

If it feels right it probably is.

Elle7

Congratulations!

He sounds like a really nice guy, and you sound really good together I'm due to meet someone I spoke to on Meet up in a bit, just for a drink. Have a horrible headache but I think I'll force myself...

I'll also be moving next month. I'll be living with 5 other people...I don't know any of them, but they are all supposed to be about my age. Absolutely petrified, but no choice. I'm trying to take strength from you guys and your success, and I'm hoping I'll get through it okay. Not sleeping well because of nerves so far.

I hope everyone's doing okay

coin_operated_girl

Thanks guys He is really nice. He met my housemate yesterday and every time he turned his back to her she would give me a thumbs up and mouth "hes so cute" - shes a bit strange As soon as he left she came running up to tell me how lovely she thinks he is and how i have her approval to date him lol...shes like 15 years older than me so i think she likes to look out for me, especially after the breakup.

Thats great you are going to meet up with someone Elle. I hope it goes well, is it someone from the group you tried to attend last week? Let us know how you get on. I met some people from that website on Sat. There was just 4 of us (one person didn't turn up) but i think we got on quite well so we are going to plan something again sometime and hopefully expand our little group a bit.

I'm glad you have got your housing situation sorted out. I'm sure your housemates will be really nice, it will be a good way to make some new friends as well I lived with quite a few random people now and have yet to meet anyone i don't like so i'm sure it will be fine.

coin_operated_girl

Heeeey,

Hope everyone is well.

I know i should probably let this thread die now and i will do soon, but its still helping me to write everything down even if no one reads my posts.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said that she and everyone else thinks i seem like a different person since my ex left me. Apparently i seem a lot more confident and chatty. My house mate said this to me last week as well so i guess maybe its true...i certainly feel a bit more confident. At first i didn't understand why this was. My ex made me very happy but it seems like he didn't bring out the best in me. I don't wish to trash talk him because he is still very important to me and i still believe he was a brilliant boyfriend but there are two words which have come up regularly when talking about him since we spilt; controlling and overprotective. I must admit, throughout the relationship i sometimes thought he was a bit too controlling. Not in a horrible way, he always encouraged me to try and make new friends and join clubs etc, so its not like he didn't want me to have my own life, but it was almost like he thought he knew what was best for me so tried to push me in the right direction. Its like he was so scared that something bad would happen to me (probably because of my past and my current health condition) that he created this protective bubble and didn't want me to step out of it and nor did i because it was nice and safe. He tried to support me in any way possible and ended up doing too much for me and i guess i became withdrawn and relied on him to do everything. Now we aren't together i am forced to stand on my own two feet and carve my own life. Its scary, but fun.

I'm feeling a bit down at the moment. As superficial as it sounds, when i was with my ex one thing i knew i didn't have to worry about is money. He is going to start a well paid job soon and he was going to buy a flat and always said that once he buys his own place i wont need to worry about working whilst im studying (im doing a part time degree) so i can really concentrate on that- although its only part time, it takes up a fair amount of my time due to my health condition, i only have a limited amount of energy. Now that i think i am able to work a bit the plan was to get a job, any job, and not really worry about having a proper career until ive finished studying. But that security is gone now and i feel a bit lost. Ive been applying for loads of jobs but i know in my heart i can't do them as they are full time. I cant really live on a part time wage in the long term, but i dont know if i'll ever be able to work full time so i guess thats quite scary. The only part time jobs i can find are bar/shop work. Whilst there is nothing wrong with that kind of work, i dont want to do it in the long run. I guess i just feel like my life has been put on hold and i'm going no where. The plan with my ex was always to get any type of job whilst i finish my degree (got another 2 years left). By that time we will probably want kids and i would be a stay at home mum. Then once they are a bit older i would do a part time masters and then get my own career on track once that is finished. But now all that is not going to happen i feel like i need to go straight into a career otherwise i am just treading water and wasting my life- i mean i am 24 years old and i am no where near getting to where i want to be. I guess i am worried as well that it will put any future relationships under a big strain as i cant really afford to do anything and it might put people off if they know they have to financially support me right from the start. I mean the guy i am seeing now doesn't seem too bothered by it, but i wouldn't blame him if he got sick of having a gf who cant really support herself.

Anyway, back to my ex. I guess i always thought he was the strong one and that i needed him, but i think actually its the other way around. I think he needs me. I think he likes to be in control and likes to be the hero. He used to be very good friends with a group of people he knew since primary school (in fact, he was going to be one of the peoples best man at their wedding). One day they had an argument (nothing major) and they never spoke again. Then he cut his ties with some other friends who he used to be very good friends with for no real reason. Whilst he has got a new group of friends i don't think they are particularly good for him and it doesn't seem like he has much in common with them so i can see him suddenly stop talking to them too. My family have told me that they found him very rude and i always found him rude to this parents (he was never, ever rude to me but i have always thought that if he ever treats me like he treats his parents he would be out the door). It sort of seems like he is not particularly bothered about making the effort with people and i think if he is not careful he will end up alone.

Its a side of him that he never showed to me, but i saw when he was with other people. I just hope he doesn't let this side come out even more now that i am not with him.

I don't really know what the point of this message is, im just rambling... trying to get my thoughts in order.

elantan

Percy1983 wrote: »

Funnily the 7 year itch was mentioned last night as we are soon approaching 7 years together, as it is we stil can't keep our hands off each other so it might take longer with us, how about a 11 year itch?

were nearly 24 years together and still struggle to take our hands off each other ... but we have also been through hell and back sadly so ....