heartbroken

coin_operated_girl

Hi guys,

Elle, did you manage to make it to your theory test? I hope it went well if you did.

blue_suzy wrote: »

hi everyone hope your all OK,stayed the night with my best friend last night had a few drinks and slept like a log.my mind is a bit clearer now and im not crying anymore, just keeping myself busy,im going back to work on Monday need some normality,waiting for a decision from mortgage people fingers crossed, and my sister has said she will join income with me to put a new application in if this fails,hes coming for the rest of his belongings on Sunday morning i asked if we could talk,he says he has about 30 minutes before he has to get off,cant be bothered with him now. sister and daughter made my tea yesterday i didn't eat much but it was the first hot meal in 3 weeks,feel much better today just need to sort my life out.sorry for the long post.

I think you are doing really well- keep it up. I think the best bit of advice given to me by lots of people was to keep busy and then you wont even have time to think about your ex. Its true, i would go out sometimes and come back and realise i hadn't thought about him all day.

You're right to say that you cant be bothered with him now. If he is only going to give you 30 mins of his time then he isn't worth your time.

Its great that you have such a supportive family

candie_gill wrote: »

Would just like to add for one reason or another some people get the 'seven year itch' which basically is when the lust of the relationship disapears and they begin to panic something is wrong. I did this when i had been with my partner for a while, but for some reason i felt trapped but couldnt be without him. I came to the conclusion that i love him very much, but dont have that excitement anymore- but that whoever i should end up with i would always get to this stage in a relationship as its normal and things do evolve over time. I accepted that although i enjoy the attention from other men on a night out as its nice to know i still have sex appeal.. i wouldnt want to be with anyone else. My partner is my soulmate and i stopped chasing rainbows and the relationship anxiety faded. Many people are under the false illusion that a relationship should be filled with lust and excitement and if not you dont love the other person- but thats just not the case. I think many people go through life chasing rainbows and move on everytime they reach this stage- it must be a very lonely place to be as you could never quite find peace.

I have also been on the receiving end of this previously with an ex and left pregnant and he cut contact- it was a horrible time, i didnt eat or sleep and every waking thought was consumed by him. The best thing you can do is not let them mess you about, refuse to accomodate their insecurities and if you mean anything to them they will realise it

I often wondered whether it was a case of the 7 year itch (well, 6 years for us) and because of our age he didn't know what to do or think and fled. There was definitely a sense of panic from my ex i think because of how he broke up with me...i still believe he will one day regret leaving me.

I have been doing a lot of thinking again these last few days and i feel really happy and confident. My house mate said that she has noticed that i have a glow about me now and that my ex wouldn't even recognise me because i am like a completely different person. I can see now that i wasn't happy before, i thought i was but i wasn't. I wasn't unhappy either, i was just nothing. This is in no way a reflection on my ex, he did make me happy, but i couldn't see that i wasn't happy within myself. When my ex broke up with me i knew i had to get out there and do things others i will end up in a bad place, so that is what i did and now i have a new love for life. Its such a shame it took the brake up for me to see this, because had i seen it before then maybe we wouldn't have broken up- i mean who wants to be with someone who doesn't do anything, isn't confident and is quite frankly boring. It might sound like i am being harsh on myself but im not. I can't help that i didn't see all of this sooner. It was no ones fault, its just the way my life went. Now i know this i can stop it happening again.

You know when you are like half asleep and you cant control your thoughts? well i keep waking up thinking about my ex and then i feel sad and then i think about this new guy and feel excited and then i think about my ex and i feel guilty. I guess its because if i ever do start dating this new guy then i will take away something special that me and ex had (only being with each other) and i'll never be able to get that back. I know its stupid because my ex probably wont want me back, but i guess maybe i'm not ready to 100% let go of him and what we had.

I haven't seen my friend since sunday when we laid in bed chatting for hours but since then we have been texting several times a day, everyday. They are also getting pretty flirty, so most of the time i have got a big stupid grin on my face He is going away next week for 2 weeks which i think will be a good thing because we probably wont have any contact during this time which means i can take some time out for myself and think about whether i want to get into another relationship just yet. If i decide i do i will take the plunge and ask him. I'm now confident that he likes me and i guess after sunday he is confident that i like him too which is why he is being quite flirty now, but as others have said, he might not want to say anything just in case its too soon for me and it pushes me away- so i guess its up to me.

When i met my ex i was not attracted to him at all. As i got to know him i quickly began to fall for him, but i didn't really have much of that excitement you get when you meet someone you like...i felt so comfortable with him i felt like i had known him all my life, everything just felt so right and natural for us. That might sound a bit boring, but i loved that, it felt like we were soul mates or that i had known him in another life or something. So this whole getting excited whenever i get a text from my friend and then grinning for the next 20mins is all new to me lol, its very strange.

Anyway, im blabbering...remember folks "sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together"

blue_suzy

i am going to my friends house tonight again she has joined loopy love dating we had such a giggle last night i didn't even think about him,my sister took me for breakfast in a cafe this morning and i spent the day with her.he just text me to ask if he can get some tools tomorrow and i said i thought you were coming Sunday!he said he is so, i put whatever.anyway all you lovely people out there how do i thank you for your posts i cant see a thank you button x

coin_operated_girl

Just wondering how everyone is doing today. Its been a month today since my ex left me so i feel like crap and have been doing a lot of crying. I miss him so much

blue_suzy

oh i really feel for you,im going through it too,i like you thought he was my soul mate,thought we would be together forever, and i want him back.but the sun is shining and we have to keep busy,i feel like im waiting for him to come to his senses,and everything will be OK,i know we wont ever be the same again.its so sad.lots of hugs you may feel differently tomorrow.

coin_operated_girl

blue_suzy wrote: »

oh i really feel for you,im going through it too,i like you thought he was my soul mate,thought we would be together forever, and i want him back.but the sun is shining and we have to keep busy,i feel like im waiting for him to come to his senses,and everything will be OK,i know we wont ever be the same again.its so sad.lots of hugs you may feel differently tomorrow.

Yeah i know how you feel. I'm not sitting around waiting for him, but i feel like, as you say, he will come to his senses and come back...I know i am just kidding myself though, but its hard not to think like that because we were going to be together forever, or so i thought. It still doesn't feel real- its like he's just gone away on holiday or something. Its been the longest month of my life. On the one hand i can't believe its been a month already, but on the other it feels like i haven't seen him in years

Tete_en_l'Air

Hi COG, sorry you're having a down day. It's nine months today since my ex dumped me, I'm surprised that I didn't even realise that til I saw your post and looked at the date. But that's not to say I'm OK - I'm annoyed at myself for still being this upset after so long, I don't want to get to a year and feel like I haven't moved on at all. I'm trying to shake that certainty that we're meant to be and like you say he'll come to his senses because I have to face that it's not going to happen.

I'm probably not making you feel any better! But honestly you are doing great - so much better than I did. You're allowed to have off days but try not to get bogged down in them. Big hugs, and to you Suzy x

coin_operated_girl

Thanks, i guess i'm just feeling lonely today. To make things worse our anniversary was on the 5th as well (of Oct though, not Aug), so i think the 5th of each month is going to be a mix of emotions for me for a while, particularly as i was pretty sure he was going to propose on our anniversary this year (he had said a couple of things that made me think he was planning something for our anniversary when normally he doesn't even remember his own birthday (lol), so i thought it must be something big/important + the fact he asked me to get my engagement ring finger measured a while ago + the fact that he said a couple of things which suggested that he was planning on us being married around this time next year).

I'm feeling a little bit better now. Ive got quite a busy weekend ahead of me including meeting up with some people i dont know from meetup.com to hopefully make some friends and i'm meeting up with the guy i like.

Sorry for the reminder! Hope i didn't bring back any bad memories. Its the most bizarre feeling in the world that the one thing you thought was an absolute certainty has been taken away isn't it? Do all the little things that remind you of your ex stop bothering after a while? because right now everything reminds me of mine and its hard to imagine everything not reminding me of him as we did everything together (if that makes sense).

Don't be annoyed with yourself though, you can't help the way you feel- the fact the you didn't even realise its been 9months is really positive Hope you and everyone else has a really good weekend

Tete_en_l'Air

You just can't understand them can you? Why would he be saying all that sort of thing and then suddenly about-turn? Me and my ex had just moved in together three months earlier - why do that if you're not sure? It was so horrible having to move back home again so soon, I wondered what the neighbours must have been thinking, because I know what I would have been thinking: "that didn't last long, you'd have thought they would have known!"

The little reminders... at first they were everywhere - put my gloves on, I remember buying them together on one of our first dates... get an email with a voucher for a restaurant, we always used to make use of those... etc etc etc. Gradually you get used to it and it's not the first thing you think and now I only stop in my tracks when I discover something new, like picking up a notebook and finding something he jotted in it ages ago - but not so much with the everyday things anymore no.

Try and have a relaxing evening, and it sounds like you have a fun weekend ahead! Good luck with the meetup people, I joined that site about ... 8 months ago but haven't plucked up the courage to go along to anything yet!

coin_operated_girl

Oh no, that must have been awful for you. Just when you think things are about to get better because you are taking the next step they go and chicken out

Its nice to know the reminders get easier, because right now EVERYTHING still reminds me of him.

Im a bit nervous about going to the meetup thing, but i organised it so i kinda have to go lol. I have been a couple of times a while ago to other ones and whilst i didn't particularly make any friendships out of it it was still nice to meet new people. Have you got any plans for the weekend? My housemate is dragging me to some Irish pub she goes to on Sunday (shes been really good and is making me get out of the house). Its full of drunk old people- its the kind of place where if they like you then its good, if they dont like you they will stare you out of the pub... i'm probably the youngest there by about 20 years, but they seem to like me so its good fun

fs110

Ive had a pretty down week too. Not sure why been thinking about ex so much, was doing ok for a while.

Been working 12 hour shifts all week to try to forget about her. This cant be healthy. (but it is 'moneysaving' :rotfl:)