heartbroken

coin_operated_girl

Thats good that you are forcing yourself to go into situations which you know you might make you uncomfortable (sorry, that wasn't meant to sound patronising). My Dad's partner is a counsellor and every now and then she sends me links to sites she thinks i might find interesting (because i want to go into the counselling field). Anyway, she sent me a link to this site the other day on CBT (i assume thats the therapy you will be having) i thought possibly you might find the anxiety section interesting...although maybe you know all this stuff already. http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anxiety.htm

Volunteering to work with guide dogs sounds awesome.

I'm ok today i think, i woke up really missing me ex but im ok now. Its weird but it sort of feels like a whole life time ago that i was last with him, its been a very long 3 and a half weeks. Last night was good, im going back to the pub tonight (my parents house is in a small village so theres nothing to do here but go to the pub) to catch up with a couple of friends who i haven't seen in about 2-3 years, so that should be good. I miss having a social life.

blue_suzy

hi ive been reading all your posts,im 51and my husband of 14 years started working away a couple of nights a week, so i thought then he tells me he doesn't know if he loves me, he was very very upset i thought we were soul mates we have been through so much together i have cried begged and pleaded for him to love me again,he just says he cant think.then last week i put his phone on charge and the message lit up goodnight sleep tight babes.i went into a blind panic and went into the bedroom and threw him out i am devasted,he says he isn't seeing anyone and doesn't know where the message came from.he says i can have the house and we only communicate by text i cant sleep or eat i love him so much but he has gone and i don't know what happened.this was 2 weeks ago i text ed him this morning to ask if it is over and he said yes we have to move on. sorry for the long post i wont contact him again now just sorting the house stuff out before he changes his mind,we had a pact that if one of us cheated we would walk away with nothing.

Elle7

Sorry, I've had a bad few days. It looks like homelessness is looming, and my driving isn't going as well as planned - my instructor has gone a bit odd, and I'm quite scared to be in a car with him now. I'll have to at some point...he'll want a reason.

I hadn't seen that link, I'm going to explore it now. Thank you I haven't really had any help so far, so everything is appreciated.

How was your weekend?

deedee71

blue_suzy wrote: »

hi ive been reading all your posts,im 51and my husband of 14 years started working away a couple of nights a week, so i thought then he tells me he doesn't know if he loves me, he was very very upset i thought we were soul mates we have been through so much together i have cried begged and pleaded for him to love me again,he just says he cant think.then last week i put his phone on charge and the message lit up goodnight sleep tight babes.i went into a blind panic and went into the bedroom and threw him out i am devasted,he says he isn't seeing anyone and doesn't know where the message came from.he says i can have the house and we only communicate by text i cant sleep or eat i love him so much but he has gone and i don't know what happened.this was 2 weeks ago i text ed him this morning to ask if it is over and he said yes we have to move on. sorry for the long post i wont contact him again now just sorting the house stuff out before he changes his mind,we had a pact that if one of us cheated we would walk away with nothing.

Blue Suzie

So sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. You must get some legal advice about your house etc as a verbal agreement about walking away with nothing means nothing!

There are plenty of threads on here you can get information on re joint bank accounts, switching bills to your name. Are there kids involved?

I know you're having a terrible time, but some things like finances need clear thinking.

coin_operated_girl

blue_suzy wrote: »

hi ive been reading all your posts,im 51and my husband of 14 years started working away a couple of nights a week, so i thought then he tells me he doesn't know if he loves me, he was very very upset i thought we were soul mates we have been through so much together i have cried begged and pleaded for him to love me again,he just says he cant think.then last week i put his phone on charge and the message lit up goodnight sleep tight babes.i went into a blind panic and went into the bedroom and threw him out i am devasted,he says he isn't seeing anyone and doesn't know where the message came from.he says i can have the house and we only communicate by text i cant sleep or eat i love him so much but he has gone and i don't know what happened.this was 2 weeks ago i text ed him this morning to ask if it is over and he said yes we have to move on. sorry for the long post i wont contact him again now just sorting the house stuff out before he changes his mind,we had a pact that if one of us cheated we would walk away with nothing.

Oh, im so sorry to hear that, how awful. As horrible as it sounds, at least you know its over for good now and you will slowly be able to move on. My advice would be to keep yourself busy as possible and maybe see your GP if you are having sleeping. I also found that soup was the best thing to eat if you are having trouble keeping food down. I'm so sorry you are going through this, feel free to use this thread to vent if you want.

Elle7 wrote: »

Sorry, I've had a bad few days. It looks like homelessness is looming, and my driving isn't going as well as planned - my instructor has gone a bit odd, and I'm quite scared to be in a car with him now. I'll have to at some point...he'll want a reason.

I hadn't seen that link, I'm going to explore it now. Thank you I haven't really had any help so far, so everything is appreciated.

How was your weekend?

Oh no, more bad news Obviously i don't know your situation surrounding your potential homelessness but have you looked in to getting housing benefit? or if there are any short term shelters that you could stay in? The CAB should be able to help. If you want any advice on housing benefit then i may be able to help...i've become a bit of an expert on housing/sickness benefits these past few years.

How has your driving instructor gone a bit odd (if you dont mind me asking)? have you paid for a block of lessons or do you just pay for one lesson at a time? When i was learning to drive i paid for a block of 20 hours. A few lessons in to those 20 and my instructor turned horrible. He would actually shout and scream at me if i did anything wrong. I stuck it out for the remainder of the time i had paid for and once those 20 hours were up i found another instructor. He was seriously scary. I didn't want to tell my instructor that i thought he was horrible (looking back i should have done something about it but i was only 17), so i just told him that i cannot afford to pay for any more lessons due to personal reasons.

My weekend was good thanks. Went to a party and caught up with a few old friends. The guy that i liked was there and he stayed at mine afterwards as he lives too far away to walk and i was able to offer him a bed to sleep in (not my bed!). In the morning i went to check he was ok and i got into bed with him and we started talking about random things, then we had a little nap together, and then talked some more for a couple of hours. We also had a cheeky little cuddle (that was it, seriously). So yeah, i think we're definitely at that weird stage where we both like each other but he probably doesn't want to say anything because he probably isnt sure if im ready and i dont want to say anything because i'm scared- i should have said something at the party after i had a bit of dutch courage but there wasn't loads of people there and we were all sitting around in a big group talking so i didnt get a chance to talk to him on my own.

But yeah, its all relatively trivial compared to what you and other people are going through at the mo. I'm guessing you didn't have a very good weekend?

deedee71 wrote: »

Blue Suzie

So sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. You must get some legal advice about your house etc as a verbal agreement about walking away with nothing means nothing!

There are plenty of threads on here you can get information on re joint bank accounts, switching bills to your name. Are there kids involved?

I know you're having a terrible time, but some things like finances need clear thinking.

I agree, you should be able to get a lot of support on here about what to do next. Ive never been through that before so i can only suggest going to the CAB.

I hope things start getting better for everyone

Percy1983

Sounds promising with this 'friend' as I say don't worry about it and just go with it (which it seems you are doing).

Seems we have more heartbreak on the thread, please nbody feel this is a bad thing, all on this thread have been through it at some point so you have come to the right place.

Now just to highlight how life goes on, I did a bit of shopping and watched the F1 this weekend.

donner_kebab

Hello everyone

Has spent the day reading this thread from start to finish and am very glad as am finding it very helpful.

Back in June my partner of 5 years upped and left and told me he hadn't felt anything for me since Xmas and that was it end of! He moved out and I have to see him everyday as we work in the same office. It is horrible.

The thing which gets me the most is how he never wanted to try and make it work. Cut a long story very short, his dad got ill at the start of the relationship and this changed everything. He got very depressed and then obsessed with cycling every day, I think to have something to focus on. I did EVERYTHING and I do mean EVERYTHING around the home etc as had some warped idea that if I let him basically live a single life and see me when he was free (which wasn't often!) he would find happiness and then be happy with me.

I have been a total fool and really thought he was the guy I would marry and have children with etc. I am 31 now.

I still have this numbness even now and so badly want it to go away. It will be 2 months very soon and the pain is still there...still heartbroken now.

Glad to hear there are peeps going through the same so we can try and help each other along the way. I have never been on my own ever...before him was a 7 year relationship immediately before and before that (weeks before) was a 2 and a 1/2 year one...scary but probably much needed time alone!

xxx

blue_suzy

hi i spoke to the mortgage people today to have his name taken off,they have refused because they say i don't earn enough, i wouldn't mind but i pay all the bills anyway.im going to the solicitors tomorrow to see if there is another way around it, he his adamant that he will sign anything.im not going to text him anymore and i don't even have an address for him.i asked his brother by text for his house number so i can send his post and he hasn't replied, so i will take a drive past in the morning.

blue_suzy

sorry but also the only bill he paid was the phone bill and he ended the contract last week,he knew he was going.all the bills are in my name just have the joint mortgage.

Tete_en_l'Air

donner_kebab wrote: »

The thing which gets me the most is how he never wanted to try and make it work.

...

I have been a total fool and really thought he was the guy I would marry and have children with etc. I am 31 now.

I had that - he'd made his decision and that was it, no discussion. It was so hurtful - there were two of us in that relationship and yet I had no say whatsoever, horrible.

I'm 29 and thought the same, your whole future gets taken away doesn't it? At the time it happened I envied people with kids whose marrieges had broken up because at least they had their kids and I might never have any now, but I've stopped thinking like that so much now so I guess I'm healing a bit.

It's been five months since my relationship ended for good and I still get upset about it almost every day I'm annoyed at myself because I wasted three years with him and here I am wasting yet more time weeping and wailing over him but what can you do?

Hope you're doing OK Suzy, can you not get a guarantor or something for the mortgage? I really hope you don't have to move if you're able to pay all the bills as it is. That must be horrible to think he cancelled the phone before speaking to you - hope you're OK.

C-O-G, sounds quite promising with the new fella, you're right not to rush things though I think