heartbroken

fs110

and told my Mum I'd just met the woman I was going to marry

i remember telling my mum that once. We broke up a week later. :rotfl:

Elle7

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Speaking of next steps...

How did it go?

I guess it's time to face the music!

It didn't go well. But it was my fault. I was quite happy on the way there, got the bus fine, then got there 20 minutes early. Thought I'd go and get money out for the taxi home, but couldn't find a working cash machine. Got back to outside the bar for 8, but there was no one around, and I had a panic attack. Calmed myself down and went in to the bar, still couldn't see anything 'identifying'...cue another panic attack. Thought I'd take myself for a walk, then decided to go home, but just missed the last bus.

Posted on the group wall apologizing, and someone has messaged saying they'll meet me outside next time, which might be nice. If I can bring myself to go again

My panic attacks are definately more common. I used to have one a month or so a few years ago, now I am have several a day. I feel utterly worthless today, too...I guess I've got a long journey ahead of me to feel normal, and have friends.

I was looking forward to therapy yesterday, it was my first appointment and I wanted to talk about everything, but I had to come home because someone from the house was locked out and I'd probably have been made homeless if I hadn't come and let them in, making me miss my appointment. I did cancel, so hopefully she will understand.

I'm really glad things are looking up for you, though! I can't remember if your 'date' has been or is at the weekend...if you've been, how did it go?!

E x

Tete_en_l'Air

Oh Elle, sorry to hear it went so badly! But you were so brave to go in the first place - going to meet a group of strangers by yourself is a really daunting thing to do so you should be proud of yourself for having the guts to go. Definitely get someone to meet you outside next time and it can only be easier. Please don't let it put you off. And remember the more you do things that scare you the easier they become Don't worry about cancelling on the counsellor either, bet they get it all the time. They were probably just pleased to have been told at all!

coin_operated_girl

Elle7 wrote: »

I guess it's time to face the music!

It didn't go well. But it was my fault. I was quite happy on the way there, got the bus fine, then got there 20 minutes early. Thought I'd go and get money out for the taxi home, but couldn't find a working cash machine. Got back to outside the bar for 8, but there was no one around, and I had a panic attack. Calmed myself down and went in to the bar, still couldn't see anything 'identifying'...cue another panic attack. Thought I'd take myself for a walk, then decided to go home, but just missed the last bus.

Posted on the group wall apologizing, and someone has messaged saying they'll meet me outside next time, which might be nice. If I can bring myself to go again

My panic attacks are definately more common. I used to have one a month or so a few years ago, now I am have several a day. I feel utterly worthless today, too...I guess I've got a long journey ahead of me to feel normal, and have friends.

I was looking forward to therapy yesterday, it was my first appointment and I wanted to talk about everything, but I had to come home because someone from the house was locked out and I'd probably have been made homeless if I hadn't come and let them in, making me miss my appointment. I did cancel, so hopefully she will understand.

I'm really glad things are looking up for you, though! I can't remember if your 'date' has been or is at the weekend...if you've been, how did it go?!

E x

Ah no, sorry it didn't go to plan The important thing is that you went though- and that you went into the bar even though you had a panic attack before hand. You did really well You should def go again if you feel up to it. Meeting someone outside beforehand is a good idea- its hard trying to spot a bunch of people you don't know, i had that problem with the meetups too.

Sorry about the therapy as well I'm sure your therapist will understand, it wasn't your fault.

Yeah i went out last night with my friend. I got the train back from London with him to our home town and he gave me a lift from the station. By the time he has dropped me off home and had dinner and then come back to collect me it was almost 10:00 (he doesn't finish work until 7:30), so we just went straight to the cinema and then straight back afterwards. So yeah, it was good, but didn't really get to talk to him that much. I think he was going to ask if i wanted to eat out beforehand (he asked if i have eaten already), but i had already had dinner because theres no one living in the house at the mo so theres no food here and the shops would have been shut by the time i got back, so whoops We saw Horrible Bosses btw, it was really good, i recommend everyone goes and sees it (i love a bit of Jason Bateman). He said if i want to do something tonight or fri then let to let him know.

He reminds me a lot of my ex- hes even got the same hair colour and i would say they are a similar height and wear the same sort of clothes, so occasionally i have forgotten who is he is went to hold his hand or touch his leg or something lol. Luckily i have managed to stop myself in time, otherwise that would be super embarrassing I'm still not sure what he thinks of me, but that doesn't matter, the main thing is we are just having fun. Its weird because we are both a bit quiet and awkward so i thought there would be loads of awkward silences after we have met up a couple of times but theres not, we seem to be able to talk pretty much non stop.

I feel a bit sad today. I think its being back home- theres loads of things in my room that reminds me of my ex like old valentines day cards and other little things that he has given me through the years etc. Its also the place we were last, er, intimate and where we were last happy together (before i went on hol). Its also where he told me he didn't think he wants to be with me any more

Hope everyone is ok

Elle7

Thanks for the replies, makes me feel much less alone!

Last night sounds good, and definitely seems keen on you - Are you going to arrange to do something tonight or tomorrow? He sounds lovely, whether he's a friend or a potential boyfriend, and I'm glad you are having fun.

I can understand the feeling sad...I feel quite sad today too, but you've a more valid reason...I think I'm just lonely. Do you think you are up to changing your room somehow? Maybe putting away some of the things that really remind you of him (you don't have to throw them away, just somewhere out of sight) and adding a new decoration...it might make your room feel more like yours again.

You've done amazingly well, and your life already seems to be coming back together

Percy1983

Sorry to that Elle, it might be wise to get a mobile number for a few of them just to be sure for next time.

Sounds like the 'date' went well, just a though but if I was him and interested I would just sit back and wait for you to make the move.

coin_operated_girl

Elle7 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, makes me feel much less alone!

Last night sounds good, and definitely seems keen on you - Are you going to arrange to do something tonight or tomorrow? I was hoping to go to the pub with a mutual friend tonight, so i said he is welcome to come which he said he will, i havent actually asked my other friend yet if she is free, but im sure she will be. Im seeing some people he doesn't know tomorrow, so he probably wont want to come to that, but i will def see him on sat at a party He sounds lovely, whether he's a friend or a potential boyfriend, and I'm glad you are having fun.

I can understand the feeling sad...I feel quite sad today too, but you've a more valid reason hey, you've got a valid reason too. Must be annoying that you missed your appointment with your therapist, and i know what its like to not have many friends. You did really well going to the meetup last night though, even if it didn't turn out as you planned....I think I'm just lonely. Do you think you are up to changing your room somehow? Maybe putting away some of the things that really remind you of him (you don't have to throw them away, just somewhere out of sight) and adding a new decoration...it might make your room feel more like yours again. The house i am in atm is where i grew up. My parents don't live here any more because they are going through a divorce (been separated a loooong time, just never got round to actually getting divorced lol) so the house will be up for sale soon so i need to clear all my old crap out any way. Im hardly ever here, i just came back for a party, so its not too bad, i just wasn't expecting to feel so sad when i got here. I'm not ready to throw all the stuff away that my ex gave me, but i think i will do as you suggested and just put it in a box for now.

You've done amazingly well, and your life already seems to be coming back together thanks

Percy1983 wrote: »

Sorry to that Elle, it might be wise to get a mobile number for a few of them just to be sure for next time.

Sounds like the 'date' went well, just a though but if I was him and interested I would just sit back and wait for you to make the move.

:eek:don't say that!

Percy1983

Well it is true, he will know you are a bit up and down at the minute so if he is interested he will just stick around until you are ready and the only way to know your free of your ex and want him is for him to leave it to you.

With that you might just get one of those moments where things just happen.

coin_operated_girl

Yeah, thats a fair point. Thanks for the advice. God i hate being single lol.

System

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Yeah, thats a fair point. Thanks for the advice. God i hate being single lol.

Join the club!

No really we should have a club