heartbroken

coin_operated_girl

tesuhoha wrote: »

All I can say is sometimes you have to accept something is over. Don't contact him again. If he comes back all well and good. If not then at least in the future when you look back you will have self respect.

For me, its not about having self respect as such (that sounds bad, i just mean i don't think there is anything wrong with putting up a fight for the person you love) but i want him to come back because he wants to, not because i have talked him round.

tesuhoha wrote: »

Sorry, I won't say anymore. I'm probably annoying you.

No, you're not. Its good to hear different views and experiences.

Elle7

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Right now my gut instinct is telling me to not move on too much because he will come back. I feel like this instinct is getting weaker by the day though and i know its not a healthy way to think so i am trying my best to ignore it.

I really struggled with that. I argued to everyone that would listen that I wouldn't feel it if it wasn't true, that I just needed to wait a while. In the end I realized it's the mind's way of protecting you - it's much easier to wait then to let go.

You are doing well to try and ignore it. I wish I had some good advice, but I really struggled too...it took me a while, and a lot of distraction, and willpower.

I'd like to volunteer with animals, I think...although mental health is also something close to my heart, so I could look for positions relating to that too...is your work interesting?

CheeseCat

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

come back because he wants to, not because i have talked him round.

OP, I think thats the same reason people are saying not to send more emails as that is essentially trying to 'talk him round' and you are just tormenting yourself.

tesuhoha

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

I think you are right on this. I don't know if you have read all of my posts, but i think i said a while ago that he asked that if he ever changes his mind, even if its like a year later, can he get back in contact. I don't think he meant it to be disrespectful, but it sort of is. I'm not sitting and waiting for him and i told him that.

Good. You are coming round to the right way of thinking. Listen to your housemate. She is giving you good advice.

I did read most of your posts as my daughter has been through similar stuff. (She won't listen to me either )

coin_operated_girl

Percy1983 wrote: »

You may notice but I can look back at absolute heartbreak and laugh these days, I can laugh as I now know where I am meant to be and know she was just a distraction in the meantime.

Trust me on this, if you are meant to be together it will happen, if not one day you will look back and think 'what was all that about'.

I think it is this thought that is keeping me going. I like to think that things happen for a reason and that if it was meant to be then it will be. If not, then i am one step closer to finding the person i am meant to be with.

tesuhoha

You shouldn't have to fight to keep the person you love. Its much easier to let them go and more likely they will come back if you do.

coin_operated_girl

Elle7 wrote: »

I really struggled with that. I argued to everyone that would listen that I wouldn't feel it if it wasn't true, that I just needed to wait a while. In the end I realized it's the mind's way of protecting you - it's much easier to wait then to let go.

You are doing well to try and ignore it. I wish I had some good advice, but I really struggled too...it took me a while, and a lot of distraction, and willpower.

I'd like to volunteer with animals, I think...although mental health is also something close to my heart, so I could look for positions relating to that too...is your work interesting?

Yeah thats how i feel, if i give him time he will come back. We were meant to be so how can he not come back? But like you said, this is just my mind trying to protect me and a big part of me is aware of this. I feel like there is a constant battle in my head between he will definitely come back to its definitely over.

The work i am doing is really interesting. I am currently helping out on an allotment which was set up to provide people with mental health issues with something to get out of bed for and something to have pride in. I've always fancied growing stuff on an allotment so this is great for me. I'm waiting to start training for a befriending scheme which will be a little bit more 'mental health' focused, if that makes sense, so i am looking forward to that too.

I volunteered at a kennels a while ago and it was really good because i have grown up with dogs so i miss not having them around. I hope you find something suited to you

coin_operated_girl

CheeseCat wrote: »

OP, I think thats the same reason people are saying not to send more emails as that is essentially trying to 'talk him round' and you are just tormenting yourself.

I know, you are spot on I really need to take my own advice and starting from now i will.

tesuhoha

I must say that i do understand. When someone you love is out of touch and not contacting you and you have no way of knowing what they are thinking, whether they will ever contact you again, whether they will come back. Its so incredibly difficult.

However, stay resolute. Remember on his side of it if there is the same silence and no contact from you, he may start to feel uneasy. So keep it up girl and don't give in. Its the best you can do for yourself. (Even if you don't care about self respect). Remember its part of the fight to get him back and will be what works the best if anything will. Contacting him will not work.

You've left the ball in his court. Any further communication must come from him but if it does please don't be too keen. Even if you don't agree with playing hard to get, take it slowly. Be cautious.

coin_operated_girl

tesuhoha wrote: »

I must say that i do understand. When someone you love is out of touch and not contacting you and you have no way of knowing what they are thinking, whether they will ever contact you again, whether they will come back. Its so incredibly difficult.

However, stay resolute. Remember on his side of it if there is the same silence and no contact from you, he may start to feel uneasy. So keep it up girl and don't give in. Its the best you can do for yourself. (Even if you don't care about self respect). Remember its part of the fight to get him back and will be what works the best if anything will. Contacting him will not work.

You've left the ball in his court. Any further communication must come from him but if it does please don't be too keen. Even if you don't agree with playing hard to get, take it slowly. Be cautious.

Thanks i think this is very good advice. You are right, the ball is definitely in his court and i need to leave it up to time to get back in contact if he so wishes. Next time i get the urge to contact him i am going to post on here instead.