heartbroken

tesuhoha

By the way, the sort of hard to get I mean is not the messing the man around way that Percy described.

tesuhoha

I remember reading a comment about Kate Middleton and Prince William.

'She agreed to a break.' Wise girl.

I think its very true, the saying that if you have to let a person go you should let them. If they truly love you they will come back to you.

Percy1983

tesuhoha wrote: »

I know you hate the idea of playing games and as I say it goes against all your instincts but once you are in a relationship you can relax a bit and only bring it back into practice if things start going wrong. The good relationship is the object in all this where you can be yourself but you have to get into this position.

Firstly I don't mean to come accross as arguemental, I really don't understand you thinking.

To me I was perfectly relaxed while single, perfectly relaxed when I met my other half and I have been perfectly relaxed ever since.

No games, no stress.

tesuhoha

I'm sorry I realise I am saying stuff that you don't want to hear but I've been reading this thread from the start and you are hurting and it seems to be all on his terms.

tesuhoha

Percy1983 wrote: »

Firstly I don't mean to come accross as arguemental, I really don't understand you thinking.

To me I was perfectly relaxed while single, perfectly relaxed when I met my other half and I have been perfectly relaxed ever since.

No games, no stress.

Yes, I know but I'm not talking about playing mind games and messing a man around. I'm talking about being a bit elusive to make him more interested and giving him the thrill of the chase.

Ok that may not be you but would you have liked it if your other half had jumped on you and been all over you from the start. I'm not saying thats how the OP behaves but I am just trying to point out how men do not like being pursued by women.

coin_operated_girl

maggie_12 wrote: »

Hi there, I was just reading through what you said about the medication working better and you had plans to find a job when you returned from holiday..........please do not put this or any of your life on hold. I know the person you love is important but when he's saying he doesn't know if he loves you anymore and as you say, that's not really fixable, then you carry on with your plans! It's a shame you felt so positive when you left on holiday and returned to that! At the end of the day, no matter WHAT is going on in his mind or WHAT he may/may not have done, people in a relationship should be supporting each other and protecting each other's feelings.......he is doing the complete opposite of this.

I ended a 7 year relationship a few years ago (someone that I couldn't imagine living without) because he stayed in a hotel one night less than half a mile from our house! I found the receipt and like you, he swore he was not with anyone else and I believed him. Turns out he just needed a night away from me to 'think' - I made the decision process very easy for him and called the relationship off. We had run out of steam, we were young when we met and our lives were going in different directions.

In difficult situations, especially ones of the heart, ask yourself just one question 'What does my gut instinct tell me to do?'

Good luck honey x

I guess your situation is fairly similar to mine. I mean, i dont feel like our lives were going in different directions, if anything, i thought we were growing closer and closer to each other. But i don't what he is thinking. As he is about to start a new job & move to London maybe he feels like we are going in different directions or just that he wants to be single as he starts this new chapter in his life. Perhaps, as you say, we just simply ran out of steam. Do you mind me asking, was it a tough decision for you or was you very sure that you were doing the right thing? did you ever regret it in the weeks after the breakup?

My dad is very angry at my ex right now. He thinks that it is awful that he left me straight away when i got back from my sisters wedding, especially after he had asked me to get my engagement finger measured not so long ago. But i don't see it like that. I think he was trying to protect me. He cannot help the way he feels and he didn't want to string me along and try and pretend everything was ok when it wasn't. I would have been able to tell that something was wrong, i could already tell just from his texts when i was away. So to wait a while to dump me would have prolonged the hurt for me and i would have been angry that he didn't tell me sooner. I'm glad that if it was going to end that he did it ASAP rather than leave it a while.

I am still going ahead with my plans for getting a job etc, if anything the breakup has given me that extra push i needed, plus im glad to have a distraction.

Right now my gut instinct is telling me to not move on too much because he will come back. I feel like this instinct is getting weaker by the day though and i know its not a healthy way to think so i am trying my best to ignore it.

tesuhoha

All I can say is sometimes you have to accept something is over. Don't contact him again. If he comes back all well and good. If not then at least in the future when you look back you will have self respect.

tesuhoha

Sorry, I won't say anymore. I'm probably annoying you.

coin_operated_girl

tesuhoha wrote: »

I'm not talking about playing games. Its about loving yourself and having respect for yourself. I know that it goes against your basic instincts but it does actually work. One of the things it says in the book (The Rules) is that men will not admit that they like a challenge and if asked they will say no. But it does actually work. He may say that he doesn't like playing games but the secret is he should not be aware that is what you are doing. As far as he is concerned you are enjoying life and are no longer interested in him (even if you are).

Not meaning to be cruel but trying to contact him and letting him know you are there for him hasn't worked so far has it? No it hasn't, i know i shouldn't have got back in contact, but thats it now, i'm not doing it any more

My daughter used to say the same as you (she is 25) about how she would not play games because I was always telling her to play hard to get. Then all her friends were reading the rules and she said she wished someone had told her about it when she was 16!

With your boyfriend, I think he has it all his own way. If for instance when he said to you that he thought he was no longer in love with you, if you had said 'fine, lets have a break for a while - I've got a very busy weekend coming up anyway' and immediately left with no further contact, he most likely would have been wondering why you were busy, who you were with. At the very least he would have had more respect for you and the chances are he would have phoned you. You may not like playing games but if you want to be with that guy, isn't it worth a shot?

I think I am going to have problems convincing you to change your mind about this but let me tell you about my own experience when I was young. I went out with this bloke, I chased him because I liked him. He finished with me. I begged him to stay and he ran even faster. So I thought, blow it, he's not worth it. I met someone else within two weeks. This guy saw me in the pub with him. He came running back begging me to take him back. (I still said no because he had had his chance). He continued to ask me for ages. This reminded me of something my house mate said to me this morning. She said that where she is from (Algeria) they have a saying "If you follow him, he will run away from you. If you run away from him, he will follow you"

I know you hate the idea of playing games and as I say it goes against all your instincts but once you are in a relationship you can relax a bit and only bring it back into practice if things start going wrong. The good relationship is the object in all this where you can be yourself but you have to get into this position.

Think about an attractive man - he's so used to girls falling all over him - he's going to be interested in the one who doesn't. Because he will think she is different, she is the one. Your boyfriend is probably thinking that he can do what he likes then he is pretty sure that in a year or so if he feels like it you will take him back. This is showing a lack of respect for you. I'm not explaining myself very well. That is why I recommended that book to you. Maybe you should read it and then decide if you still feel the same way.

I think you are right on this. I don't know if you have read all of my posts, but i think i said a while ago that he asked that if he ever changes his mind, even if its like a year later, can he get back in contact. I don't think he meant it to be disrespectful, but it sort of is. I'm not sitting and waiting for him and i told him that.

Percy1983

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Right now my gut instinct is telling me to not move on too much because he will come back. I feel like this instinct is getting weaker by the day though and i know its not a healthy way to think so i am trying my best to ignore it.

You may notice but I can look back at absolute heartbreak and laugh these days, I can laugh as I now know where I am meant to be and know she was just a distraction in the meantime.

Trust me on this, if you are meant to be together it will happen, if not one day you will look back and think 'what was all that about'.