heartbroken

make_me_wise

My advice is do whatever will ultimately make you happy. You know him better than anyone else and how he might react to recieving a letter. Whatever happens and however you handle things I wish you a happy and fulfilled future. That is what we all want afterall isn't it

coin_operated_girl

lostinrates wrote: »

I'd just like to say, instead of ''change'' I'd like to suggest you think of it as ''develop'' or ''grow''. You are lovable enough to have been loved for year, you've used resourcefulness to reach out for help, you are showing adaptability and drive, as well as a caring nature all at a very difficult emptional time. You've garnered support on a board where critism arrives easily and allowed people to ask questions that are personally difficult and challenging and have seemed to absorb what's said. You've replied to these searching posts with tact and grace.

A person who can show those qualities at a difficult juncture in life might need to grow and develop in someways, but doesn't need to ''change''.

Thank you so much, that really touched me. And i think you are right, i don't need to change, im not a bad person. I just haven't had the opportunity to develop into an adult by myself yet. I may be a little bit naive and a little bit lost but hopefully in time i will find my way and whatever happens, i will come out stronger.

I am currently feeling quite positive about the future. I am going to post the application forms off for the voluntary jobs first thing Monday morning. I am very excited to 1. get back into work, even if its just voluntary work right now (i know i need to prove myself, i have been out of paid work for 3 years and have a bit of an on-off voluntary work history. But my health has improved so much recently i know i can stick to it this time) and 2. to be doing something i love (helping other people). My ultimate goal in life is to become a counselling psychologist (back up plan: counsellor) and the jobs i have found are a step in the right direction to giving me a bit of experience in the counselling field.

I really wish i could do more than just click a 'thanks' button to everyone who has helped and supported me. It hasn't gone unappreciated.

RacyRed

lostinrates wrote: »

I'd just like to say, instead of ''change'' I'd like to suggest you think of it as ''develop'' or ''grow''. You are lovable enough to have been loved for year, you've used resourcefulness to reach out for help, you are showing adaptability and drive, as well as a caring nature all at a very difficult emptional time. You've garnered support on a board where critism arrives easily and allowed people to ask questions that are personally difficult and challenging and have seemed to absorb what's said. You've replied to these searching posts with tact and grace.

A person who can show those qualities at a difficult juncture in life might need to grow and develop in someways, but doesn't need to ''change''.

Very well said Lostinrates and I agree wholeheartedly.

coin_operated_girl wrote:

I feel like i understand now. Just saying "im going to do X, Y and Z" is easy, anyone can do that. What i need to do is prove that i have changed. That way i can say "look what i have achieved"; not "look what i might achieve". If he isn't interested then at least i will have my own life. In the mean time it gives him a bit of time to sort out his head

.

I'm so glad you understand.

coin_operated_girl

RacyRed wrote: »

Very well said Lostinrates and I agree wholeheartedly.

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I'm so glad you understand.

I got there in the end

Toto

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Thank you very much. I feel like i understand now. Just saying "im going to do X, Y and Z" is easy, anyone can do that. What i need to do is prove that i have changed. That way i can say "look what i have achieved"; not "look what i might achieve". If he isn't interested then at least i will have my own life. In the mean time it gives him a bit of time to sort out his head. I don't know if i will leave it until Xmas, i don't want to leave it too long. But i see i should sort myself out first, however long that takes and just see how everything goes.

Ive already found a couple of volunteer jobs i am going to apply for and i am hoping to meet up with someone i have spoken to online a few times to go for a pub lunch or something- we just want to find a few other people to join us to try and build up a friendship group.

Put the letter in a drawer and tell yourself you can send it in x amount of time, it might be a week, a month or a year. Then get it out and read it and ask yourself if you might be able to send a better one in another month? You have one shot at this letter thing so leave it until the latest possible time you can, so it's full of stuff you HAVE done. Don't tell yourself you can't ever send it, just leave it as late as possible.

Elle7

This thread has really woken me up...I'm in a very similar situation. Im 21, and although I used to have loads of friends through work, I have none now. My boyfriend of 5 years is currently out with his friends, and I'm sat on my own...I'm gutted he's out, to be honest, because I'm so lonely when he's gone. I can't work anymore, because of my health, and I can't get around easily. I did try to maintain friendships, but lots got in the way - illness, work changes, redundancies, pregnancies... I've looked on Meet ups, as suggested, but most of the groups seem to be people a lot older than me!

I just wanted to say that you are not alone, and it must have been so hard not to send that letter. I think you've done the right thing, though, and you certainly seem to be turning it all around. I hope you aren't too upset tonight...I'm around if you want some company.

E x

coin_operated_girl

Elle7 wrote: »

This thread has really woken me up...I'm in a very similar situation. Im 21, and although I used to have loads of friends through work, I have none now. My boyfriend of 5 years is currently out with his friends, and I'm sat on my own...I'm gutted he's out, to be honest, because I'm so lonely when he's gone. I can't work anymore, because of my health, and I can't get around easily. I did try to maintain friendships, but lots got in the way - illness, work changes, redundancies, pregnancies... I've looked on Meet ups, as suggested, but most of the groups seem to be people a lot older than me!

I just wanted to say that you are not alone, and it must have been so hard not to send that letter. I think you've done the right thing, though, and you certainly seem to be turning it all around. I hope you aren't too upset tonight...I'm around if you want some company.

E x

Sorry to hear that this thread struck a chord with you

I know what you mean about the meet ups being filled with older people. I looked at groups for shy people (just my preference), found people who had their pictures up so i could tell what sort of age they are and read through some profiles and messaged someone whose profile could have been written by me. I asked him if he wanted to do something similar with some other people to try and build up our own little group of people of a similar age and personality. He said he is up for that, so i really hope something comes from it. If you live in London you are welcome to join us

Some company would be good

Elle7

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Sorry to hear that this thread struck a chord with you

I know what you mean about the meet ups being filled with older people. I looked at groups for shy people (just my preference), found people who had their pictures up so i could tell what sort of age they are and read through some profiles and messaged someone whose profile could have been written by me. I asked him if he wanted to do something similar with some other people to try and build up our own little group of people of a similar age and personality. He said he is up for that, so i really hope something comes from it. If you live in London you are welcome to join us

Some company would be good

No, don't be sorry! You've really opened my eyes, so if you don't mind, I think I'll start this adventure with you...making new friends, and trying to get a new purpose.

I might have a look through profiles now, and see if I can find someone who lives nearby and is the same kind of age. I'm glad you found someone, and I hope you meet up soon I'm in the Midlands, so a bit far from London I think, if you are in the centre? I'm learning to drive at the minute though, I'm hoping to be driving by September.

I've got no idea what to do with myself tonight...I'm watching Odd One Out on TV and feeling very tragic

coin_operated_girl

Elle7 wrote: »

No, don't be sorry! You've really opened my eyes, so if you don't mind, I think I'll start this adventure with you...making new friends, and trying to get a new purpose.

I might have a look through profiles now, and see if I can find someone who lives nearby and is the same kind of age. I'm glad you found someone, and I hope you meet up soon I'm in the Midlands, so a bit far from London I think, if you are in the centre? I'm learning to drive at the minute though, I'm hoping to be driving by September.

I've got no idea what to do with myself tonight...I'm watching Odd One Out on TV and feeling very tragic

Yep thats fine with me

I say go for it with the meet up thing. I have been a member of that site for a while but nothing ever came of it. I went to couple of meetups but the people were generally older and they weren't for me. I found it hard to get the motivation to go to many of the meetings just because i didn't know what sort of age range people would be in. I mean i'm fine with talking to older people and everything, but i wanted to make friends with people my own age. Ive quickly learnt over the past week that "if you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you always got". I should have tried to change my situation a long time ago, but at least i am being proactive about it now. I wasn't sure if i would come across as a bit creepy or weird to the person i messaged (i mean, im basically going up to a complete stranger and saying "hi, will you be my friend"), but he completely understood and i think there will be a lot of younger people in our position who sign up to the site but don't take part because of the age thing.

Yeah i live pretty much right in the centre of London. Good luck with the driving. I went to uni in Bham and driving there was a nightmare! Fortunately i learn't to drive before i went to uni, but you have my sympathy!

I don't know what to do with myself tonight either. I've got a fair bit of Eastenders to catch up on because i have been away, but im not sure i can bring myself to watch it because me and the ex used to watch it together (now whose tragic!)

lostinrates

Ladies, its important you meet up with people your own age, I agree But, you know, I count as friends people of a wide variety of ages: and particularly have a number of friends very much older than me. As a teen I was incredibly inspired by a young hearted woman in her seventies, who was even at her age pone of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. DH and I (early thirties) are going out with some new friends in a fortnight, whose youngest daughter is our age One of my friends in her mid thrities has a weekly meal with female friends, who, incidently are aged a decade apart...round their table every week is are women aged, 24, 34, 44, 54 and 64! They have become a sort of family for each other. While the 64 year old might not like the same music or whatever ads the 24 year old they just all get on.

I'd suggest trying the meet ups that interest you because the people might be lovely in their own right, but also consider they might note that their sons/daughters/nieces/nephews are interested in something you are or whatever, and you might meet people through them.


Another idea, perhaps a book group?