heartbroken

coin_operated_girl

CheeseCat wrote: »

I really really hope that you're doing all this for you and not just so you hope you can show your ex bf that you've changed. Don't keep thinking about how you wish he could see what changes you're making - make them for you!:D

Also, even if you get in another relationship you should really make an effort to keep the friends you build up - one weekend a year away from your bf wouldn't have been that much to attend these yearly parties and you might make more friends from going!

There was nothing more annoying with some of my old friends than the fact that when they got in a relationship I wouldn't see them for dust, yet when they were on their own they wanted to do things socially all the time - like us friends were just their stopgap. A relationship shouldn't be all consuming

Good luck with your meet up!

I can see why it looks like that, but i am making the changes for myself. I cant just never have any friends or do anything, but at the same time, i do still wish my ex would see that i am changing. Hopefully over time i will stop thinking like that.

I know, it was terrible of me to do i think with my medical condition i feel into a rut of "oh i cant do that, i might get tired" because it was easy. I mean my ex would always encourage me to go but i just never took the initiative to do it. I would make up excuses like its far away, it will be expensive to get there, the travelling will make me tired, everyone will be drinking and i can't drink for health reasons etc.

Although, to be fair, up until very recently, the travelling would have made me quite ill, which was another reason not to go. After my holiday i am fairly sure that this isn't such a big problem for me now (which is why i feel ready to work), so the way i see it, with my condition i am always going to be more tired than everyone else, and i may never be able to work full time, but as long as i don't feel ill then there is nothing stopping me from trying things now

CheeseCat

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

I can see why it looks like that, but i am making the changes for myself. I cant just never have any friends or do anything, but at the same time, i do still wish my ex would see that i am changing. Hopefully over time i will stop thinking like that.

I know, it was terrible of me to do i think with my medical condition i feel into a rut of "oh i cant do that, i might get tired" because it was easy. I mean my ex would always encourage me to go but i just never took the initiative to do it. I would make up excuses like its far away, it will be expensive to get there, the travelling will make me tired, everyone will be drinking and i can't drink for health reasons etc.

Although, to be fair, up until very recently, the travelling would have made me quite ill, which was another reason not to go. After my holiday i am fairly sure that this isn't such a big problem for me now (which is why i feel ready to work), so the way i see it, with my condition i am always going to be more tired than everyone else, and i may never be able to work full time, but as long as i don't feel ill then there is nothing stopping me from trying things now

It is very very early on though, isn't it, so you're bound to be thinking about him alot.. you'd have previously been thinking about him alot as you'd share things with him. Those feelings will lessen I think. But you'll feel great with yourself knowing that you got out there, made an effort and joined groups, met friends etc - your confidence will come on in leaps and you'll realise more that you don't need someone else there to egg you on.

I hope you didn't take my post as a dig - it was more supposed to make you think that you should enjoy making some good friends and continue those friendships when you do find someone else, which you will eventually (but don't worry about that for now!)

Its easy to avoid situations, I occasionally have to snap myself out of thinking "but i'm tired/I might not enjoy it/etc" and GO to things :rotfl:and always end up enjoying them alot more than I thought. Now you are in more of a position to enjoy the party I bet you'll have a blast.

For what its worth and I am just a name on an internet forum I know - I think you are doing incredibly well!

coin_operated_girl

CheeseCat wrote: »

It is very very early on though, isn't it, so you're bound to be thinking about him alot.. you'd have previously been thinking about him alot as you'd share things with him. Those feelings will lessen I think. But you'll feel great with yourself knowing that you got out there, made an effort and joined groups, met friends etc - your confidence will come on in leaps and you'll realise more that you don't need someone else there to egg you on.

I hope you didn't take my post as a dig - it was more supposed to make you think that you should enjoy making some good friends and continue those friendships when you do find someone else, which you will eventually (but don't worry about that for now!)

Its easy to avoid situations, I occasionally have to snap myself out of thinking "but i'm tired/I might not enjoy it/etc" and GO to things :rotfl:and always end up enjoying them alot more than I thought. Now you are in more of a position to enjoy the party I bet you'll have a blast.

For what its worth and I am just a name on an internet forum I know - I think you are doing incredibly well!

Its ok, i didn't think you were having a dig at me. I appreciate people telling me the truth rather than just saying what they think i want to hear and i know what you said was true.

And thank you very much.

lostinrates

Just checking in to see how you are today.

IO don't know if you realise how well you really are doing. Good for you.

I agree though, with the others. Though its hard, it sounds as if its time to move forward from your ex, not to contact him. Its been a good end, as these thngs go, that's something to be very proud of: it says something good about both of you. I think it would be a shame to sour that, or to make harder than it already is to move on. You are being wonderfully proactive and I applaud you for it.

I'm back from a not trerribly far away chum (met through MSE) and I'm shattered! Not just because of my particular illness but because I avpoid going too far too often. Because, like tou, I don't work I can build this in to the weeks regime, Cooking in advance for supper tonight means I don't have to toil more on that now, likewise housework.

coin_operated_girl

lostinrates wrote: »

Just checking in to see how you are today.

IO don't know if you realise how well you really are doing. Good for you.

I agree though, with the others. Though its hard, it sounds as if its time to move forward from your ex, not to contact him. Its been a good end, as these thngs go, that's something to be very proud of: it says something good about both of you. I think it would be a shame to sour that, or to make harder than it already is to move on. You are being wonderfully proactive and I applaud you for it.

I'm back from a not trerribly far away chum (met through MSE) and I'm shattered! Not just because of my particular illness but because I avpoid going too far too often. Because, like tou, I don't work I can build this in to the weeks regime, Cooking in advance for supper tonight means I don't have to toil more on that now, likewise housework.

Thank you for your kind words. I am proud that that we had such a "good" break up, i think it says a lot about us as couple and i really don't have a bad word to say about him. In some ways i think it would be easier if we had a horrible breakup and i hated him, but in the long run i know i will be glad things ended so nicely.

I think im going to some comic book convention in London on Sunday with a couple of people. Its really not my scene at all, i'm by no means a geek (although i do love slightly geeky men), but right now i'm just trying not to turn down any opportunities that come my way. Which, quite frankly is pretty much all i used to do.

Its good that you are able to get out and about even though you aren't working (hope that doesn't sound patronising, its not meant to). Cooking in advance/ready meals are a godsend when you suffer from an illness that makes you extremely tired after a day out aren't they? I love cooking and hate ready meals, but i always have to keep some in the freezer just in case i'm having a bad day.

CheeseCat

Hey, don't knock us comic book geeks

LFCC?

coin_operated_girl

CheeseCat wrote: »

Hey, don't knock us comic book geeks

LFCC?

Lol, sorry

I have no idea what LFCC is, but i think what i am going to is 'something' comi-con, so im going to say yes

CheeseCat

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Lol, sorry

I have no idea what LFCC is, but i think what i am going to is 'something' comi-con, so im going to say yes

LOL Sorry - London Film and Comic Con (i've heard people call it comi-con)

Have a look in advance, you might be into something/someone who is there
http://www.londonfilmandcomiccon.com/

(am jealous by the way!) and I agree on the slightly geeky boys front

Hope you have fun!

coin_operated_girl

CheeseCat wrote: »

LOL Sorry - London Film and Comic Con (i've heard people call it comi-con)

Have a look in advance, you might be into something/someone who is there
http://www.londonfilmandcomiccon.com/

(am jealous by the way!) and I agree on the slightly geeky boys front

Hope you have fun!

Ah yes, that looks like the one. The fact that it has 'film' in the title makes me feel a little better to know that its not just comic books. I had a look at the site (thanks for the link), I'm not convinced its for me, but its worth a try, will get me out of the house anyway

coin_operated_girl

I couldn't sleep. I just keep thinking about how i want to tell him i have changed...just in case.

I have written him a letter where i explained everything and i told him there is no pressure to reply. I don't know if i am going to send it yet or not, but i feel like i may regret it if i don't. I can see now that i relied on him for everything and that is not a healthy way to live. I know it has been less than a week but i really feel like i have changed my whole outlook on life and how i would be in a relationship and maybe, if he wanted to, it might just work. I know you guys are saying not to get back in contact and a part of me agrees with that, if he has fallen out of love with me then this isn't going to change a thing, but a bigger part of me thinks i can't let 6 years go without one last try