Done something really stupid in past - now its coming back to bite me - HELP!

mountainofdebt

bigproblem wrote: »

PADDYS MUM - i have told my work the situation, unfortanetly we do not have cctv etc, but all of the exterior doors are key code locked, so he shouldnt be able to get into the building - whether he starts waiting for me after work is another matter.

Don't want to frighten you OP but it has been known for people to tail gate someone as they enter the building, especially at lunch time, so theoretically they don't need to know the entry code.

Happened in an office that I worked at once where a father was looking for a manager who had had a go at his daughter ...funny thing was he was in completely the wrong company building

GlynD

OP the only answer here is to go to the police. They WILL take it seriously. The 1997 Protection from Harrassment Act was brought in for just this very reason - stalking. That's what's happening to you. With the police on his back the guy would be foolish to try and contact you again. Perhaps the police will take him to court and injunct him? I know they'll arrest him if he continues and he will be charged with a criminal offence and could go to prison. This is an extremely volatile and dangerous situation. Act now and don't delay.

scooby088

There was a panorama programme on a while ago dealing with stalking and one person on their went to the police got everything recorded and even had cctv as evidence, the stalker physically attacked his victim, she had to move away in the end as the court fines and police didn't deter him from breaking into her house or even following her.

The police interviewed say there is a national policy but most police officers don't know how to deal with situation, i just hope the OP gets the stalking situation sorted and no matter how i feel she has acted i don't want to see her come to any harm.

GlynD

January20 wrote: »

It's funny isn't it? One person starts criticising the OP strongly, harshly and then suddenly it's a whole pack of people having a go! It's vile and cowardly, this pack mentality! Is it helpful? No! And it's so unfair because nobody can say for sure that they would not do something (anything) wrong!

OP, have you been to the police? Or a solicitor? have you changed your sim card?

I am not having a go at OP. I've recommended she contact the police and quickly to protect herself from a potential attacker.

paddy's_mum

scooby088 wrote: »

no matter how ... she has acted i don't want to see her come to any harm.

No, and neither do I which is why, having given my strong and probably sharply put opinion about the stupidity which led up to this sorry situation, I too have gone on to urge that the OP protect herself from further harassment. It seems to me that right now, the breakdown of her relationship must come second to her personal safety.

Is anyone reading this who can do those clever blue link thingies and put up good advice for dealing with stalkers?

That might be of a lot more use than continuing to belabour the treachery point, which I'm quite sure the OP has already got!



PS Glyn - I don't think anybody meant you in particular. It was just the timings of the different posts meant that January's came up right after yours and didn't actually relate to your sensible comments at all.

Pollycat

January20 wrote: »

It's funny isn't it? One person starts criticising the OP strongly, harshly and then suddenly it's a whole pack of people having a go! It's vile and cowardly, this pack mentality! Is it helpful? No! And it's so unfair because nobody can say for sure that they would not do something (anything) wrong!

OP, have you been to the police? Or a solicitor? have you changed your sim card?

I don't have a 'pack mentality'.
I have my own opinions.
Even if I were the only person posting on a thread with a particular veiwpoint on a subject, it's my right to air that opinion.

My first post on this thread was in disagreement to post #33 about the OP's fiance's reaction to the news she'd been economical with the truth about the 'friends' she'd been meeting.

My second was about something the OP said in 2 posts about whether her fiance was aware that she still had contact with the person she had an affair with that I viewed as contradictory.

I do think she should do something about the stalker but I also believe that she has brought this on herself to a degree.

I can safely say that I would never lie to my OH and tell him that I was seeing friends when I was having a cosy meal in a bloke's house that I'd previously had an affair with.

I can safely say that I've never had an affair behind my OH's back.

I base my replies on my own experiences.

At what point in this thread do you feel the 'pack mentality' kicked in?

make_me_wise

bigproblem wrote: »

Can understand completely why some of u have been so harsh, but I'm really not the kind of girl who makes a habit out of things like this. I have never cheated before or since the 1 incident and I would never intentionally 'play' two guys off (i was always straight with the guy that nothing would ever happen again) and my fiance knew I still had some contact with this guy, as we were still working together at one point.

I know what I've done is v bad, but I haven't just 'decided' this guy is annoying me and that's why I'm mentioning 'stalking' - his behaviour is odd, however u look at it - who downloads pics of you from websites, finds you on other forums, studies your wedding dress, threatens to turn up to your wedding (with the sole intention of causing a scene) and then yesterday turned up at my work? (i had deliberately changed shift, so wasn't there) I'm sorry but all that's not normal.

Am going to police this afternoon, but am worried that like several of you, they will not take it seriously, as it sounds like I have led him on etc, but I have to report him, as I'm actually getting scared now.

:wall:

I love the bit about 'I have never cheated before or after the 1 incident'. Cheating doesn't have to involve shagging someone. You deliberately went behind your fiances back to still see the guy you cheated on him with. Can you really not see that you are the type of girl who makes a habit out of messing blokes about. This is all getting a little boring, especially as your story keeps changing :doh:

Any normal person does not stay in contact with, go for dinner with, or have anything to do with 'an affair', when they are supposedly rebuilding a relationship they have once bought to its knees. I think you are a tad delusional.

The police do have better things to do than sort out your tangled love life. You have behaved really immaturely and don't like it now one of the blokes you have been playing wont back off.

For your safety I hope the police consider wasting some of their much needed resources and get this guy to back off. Personally I think they would be wasting their time. You will be back in the same mess in no time. Your responses to the posts on here suggest that.

make_me_wise

January20 wrote: »

It's funny isn't it? One person starts criticising the OP strongly, harshly and then suddenly it's a whole pack of people having a go! It's vile and cowardly, this pack mentality! Is it helpful? No! And it's so unfair because nobody can say for sure that they would not do something (anything) wrong!

OP, have you been to the police? Or a solicitor? have you changed your sim card?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Just because people on here express opinions you dont agree with January20 does not mean we have a 'pack mentality'

I find it funny how when some people on this forum read posts they dont agree with, they feel the need to call the posters vile, cowardly and suggest they belong to a pack and are being unfair.

Your post, that I have quoted above just makes you come across as self righteous and unable to consider other peoples points of view.
This forum would be pretty pointless if we all just came on here and said things the OP wants to hear. Or things that keep you happy

abacus73

January20 wrote: »

It's funny isn't it? One person starts criticising the OP strongly, harshly and then suddenly it's a whole pack of people having a go! It's vile and cowardly, this pack mentality! Is it helpful? No! And it's so unfair because nobody can say for sure that they would not do something (anything) wrong!

Oh great, now they allow kids on here with no idea how to debate and share opinion :wall:

Think you might be on the wrong forum.. try this www.cbeebies.com

Pollycat

Steady on, chaps.

Is this a pack mentality I sense going on here? :rotfl: