Done something really stupid in past - now its coming back to bite me - HELP!

Sambucus_Nigra

Schwade wrote: »

I think it is no use judging her now. She already knew what she did was wrong.

Does she? It seems she only has a problem when the ex starts stalking her.

Having dinner with the bloke that you cheated on your man with - very cosy.

pug_in_a_bed

why not email your local station,so you can include all the emails and texts.

Maybe showing that to your partner will help a bit.

best of luck

Errata

It's a funny thing, when a bloke chases aftrer a woman who fancies him it's wonderful, if she doesn't it's stalking.

paddy's_mum

But, in all seriousness, the OP may well be in real danger and in her shoes, I'd be round to the local Police station as fast as I could go.

There seems to be little point in working out desperate tactics to get the fiance back if, in the meantime, the other bloke has left the OP dying in a ditch somewhere.

OP - for your own sake, I hope you can find a way to come through this - perhaps like many of us, you will look back with grief and sadness but learn from it and be a wiser, more understanding and compassionate person. Good luck.

Money_maker

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Does she? It seems she only has a problem when the ex starts stalking her.

Having dinner with the bloke that you cheated on your man with - very cosy.

All does sound as though she's enjoyed having her fiance plus one on standby 'just in case' - particularly as she was even going to leave her fiance for him.

Keeping on good terms with ex's is fine except when they are an affair and your partner can't even stand to hear their name. Having dinner with them - what would her OH thought if he'd seen them together?

More to this than meets the eye but reckon the fiance is well shot of her.

Nic2011

Errata wrote: »

It's a funny thing, when a bloke chases aftrer a woman who fancies him it's wonderful, if she doesn't it's stalking.

Regardless if you have asked someone to stop contacting you and they continue to do so it is harrassment - which is a criminal offence.

You only need two separate occurences for it to be harrassment - take the evidence to the police
www. legislation .gov.uk/ukpga/1997/40/contents
sorry not allowed to post links yet as a new user but join it up!!!

and keep records - written down in a diary in pen - not on a computer because this can be changed!!

bigproblem

Can understand completely why some of u have been so harsh, but I'm really not the kind of girl who makes a habit out of things like this. I have never cheated before or since the 1 incident and I would never intentionally 'play' two guys off (i was always straight with the guy that nothing would ever happen again) and my fiance knew I still had some contact with this guy, as we were still working together at one point.

I know what I've done is v bad, but I haven't just 'decided' this guy is annoying me and that's why I'm mentioning 'stalking' - his behaviour is odd, however u look at it - who downloads pics of you from websites, finds you on other forums, studies your wedding dress, threatens to turn up to your wedding (with the sole intention of causing a scene) and then yesterday turned up at my work? (i had deliberately changed shift, so wasn't there) I'm sorry but all that's not normal.

Am going to police this afternoon, but am worried that like several of you, they will not take it seriously, as it sounds like I have led him on etc, but I have to report him, as I'm actually getting scared now.

Pollycat

bigproblem wrote: »

Can understand completely why some of u have been so harsh, but I'm really not the kind of girl who makes a habit out of things like this. I have never cheated before or since the 1 incident and I would never intentionally 'play' two guys off (i was always straight with the guy that nothing would ever happen again) and my fiance knew I still had some contact with this guy, as we were still working together at one point.

I know what I've done is v bad, but I haven't just 'decided' this guy is annoying me and that's why I'm mentioning 'stalking' - his behaviour is odd, however u look at it - who downloads pics of you from websites, finds you on other forums, studies your wedding dress, threatens to turn up to your wedding (with the sole intention of causing a scene) and then yesterday turned up at my work? (i had deliberately changed shift, so wasn't there) I'm sorry but all that's not normal.

Am going to police this afternoon, but am worried that like several of you, they will not take it seriously, as it sounds like I have led him on etc, but I have to report him, as I'm actually getting scared now.

I really dislike posters changing their story or adding to it when they have been given a (often deserved) hard time in response to
their described 'dilemma'.

So which is it, bigproblem?
Did your fiance really not know you were still seeing this bloke as per your first post (below)?

Or is it as you say in your latest post (above) that your fiance knew you still had some contact with this guy?

bigproblem wrote: »

Fast forward a few years, and im still in contact with the 'other guy' but purely on a platonic footing (nothing at all has happened since i made the choice to stay with my bf) but my bf didnt know i still see him at all, which was stupid i admit, but i thought it would prevent any more upset - we really were just friends.

I've actually lost any sympathy with you, but I would like to know if your fiance is OK.
Strange you've not mentioned him in your latest post.

And, yes, I do think you probably led this other guy on - whether it was subconciously or deliberately I don't know.

paddy's_mum

bigproblem wrote: »

yesterday turned up at my work?

You might be wise to involve your HR officer at your place of work. Apart from anything else, the 'bloke' has no right to be turning up at the employer's premises and the employer has the power (and indeed, in my eyes, the obligation) to help to protect you by ordering him to leave and not return.

The HR officer may also have the means (cctv perhaps) and ability to substantiate the fact of his visit to your workplace which may well help support your evidence when you tell the Police. It may be enough that a uniformed officer warns the bloke that he is harassing you and that any more incidents will lead to criminal charges being levied against him.

All of this distress will inevitably affect your ability to work (at least in the short term) and so an added benefit might be that a little tolerance is shown rather than your foreman (or whoever) complaining that you seem out of sorts just lately and what the dickens is going on.

I think you are absolutely right that this is not normal and to be somewhat scared. If you were my daughter or sister, I would be very worried on your behalf. I do hope that you will seek advice and take the appropriate steps to protect yourself.

Good luck.

Bloomin_Freezing2

bigproblem wrote: »

Can understand completely why some of u have been so harsh, but I'm really not the kind of girl who makes a habit out of things like this.

Yes you are, you continued to see him on more than one occasion.


I have never cheated before or since the 1 incident and I would never intentionally 'play' two guys off (i was always straight with the guy that nothing would ever happen again) and my fiance knew I still had some contact with this guy, as we were still working together at one point.

Knowing you both worked in the same building and tolerating the fact you may possibly bump into each other at a coffee machine, and being fine with you having cosy dinners at his house are something else!!

I know what I've done is v bad, but I haven't just 'decided' this guy is annoying me and that's why I'm mentioning 'stalking' - his behaviour is odd, however u look at it - who downloads pics of you from websites, finds you on other forums, studies your wedding dress, threatens to turn up to your wedding (with the sole intention of causing a scene) and then yesterday turned up at my work? (i had deliberately changed shift, so wasn't there) I'm sorry but all that's not normal.

Am going to police this afternoon, but am worried that like several of you, they will not take it seriously, as it sounds like I have led him on etc, but I have to report him, as I'm actually getting scared now.

I really hope your fiance is ok, hope he comes to his senses and cancels the wedding, how could he be expected to still want to marry you? I hope the other bloke loses interest too so all 3 of you can separately get on with your on lives and never contact each other again. I have zero respect for people who cheat on their partners, i'm afraid you have brought this upon yourself, you have lead him on, i'm sure he thought that even though you were saying 'no', the fact you continued to see him without your OH's knowledge gave him one up on your OH, and he thought he'd be able to win you over.

Oh and saying you were 'going out with a friend' when it was with the affair guy is not telling the truth!!


Karma is gonna bite you on the backside one day.