Done something really stupid in past - now its coming back to bite me - HELP!

NickyBat

i don't see the point in having a go at you, what is done is done but i do have to say you have been very ecenomical with the truth to your fiance.
You knew that it was wrong to be meeting up with this other guy that's why at the time you told your fiance you were "seeing friends".
if you were serious about salvaging your relationship (although i think it's probably past that now) you should have already been to the police and now be concentration on finding / speaking to your fiance.

Percy1983

As I said before as a male it I would really stuggle to forgive and forget with this.

As you say you haven't been leading the other guy on, it seems you have even if that wasn't the intention, but going back into you fiances shoes I would be certain you have been leading him on in some form.

To put it this way if he posted on here with this story I will admit my advice would be get out and you have had a lucky escape.

As I say I don't wish bad on anyone and do hope this figures out for you, but be prepared for the fact this maybe the end.

jetta_wales

If my OH had done the things you have I sure as hell wouldn't marry him.

You have shown him that you are capable of cheating on him. Then after him forgiving you you have gone on to show him that despite that you can still contently decieve him purposefully and repeatedly for years.

He'd be a fool to marry you now.

bigproblem

Pollycat wrote: »

I really dislike posters changing their story or adding to it when they have been given a (often deserved) hard time in response to
their described 'dilemma'.

So which is it, bigproblem?
Did your fiance really not know you were still seeing this bloke as per your first post (below)?

Or is it as you say in your latest post (above) that your fiance knew you still had some contact with this guy?



I've actually lost any sympathy with you, but I would like to know if your fiance is OK.
Strange you've not mentioned him in your latest post.

And, yes, I do think you probably led this other guy on - whether it was subconciously or deliberately I don't know.

In answer to your question, my fiance knew that we still worked in same place, so yes he knew we could bump into each other, but no he did not know i continued seeing him out of work, so i havent changed my story as both applies, but yes i did deceive him, by not telling him about seeing him outside of work.

I do not doubt that i deserve what has happened as far as my fiance is concerned, as yes i have betrayed him and do not want or expect any sympathy for my actions as far as he is concerned (i know i am to blame, and have never tried to wriggle out of that fact.) I havent mentioned fiance, as he has still not been in contact and will not answer calls/texts, but i do know from a friend that he is 'ok.'

But at this moment in time, my priority (as i am giving fiance space) is too stop this other guy harrassing me, even if i did lead him on (which if i did was certainly not intentional) that is no excuse for his behaviour now. Before i cut contact i told him nicely (and then later not so nicely) to leave me alone, i told him i was going to the police and yet he turned up at my work, that cannot be considered normal behaviour surely?

PADDYS MUM - i have told my work the situation, unfortanetly we do not have cctv etc, but all of the exterior doors are key code locked, so he shouldnt be able to get into the building - whether he starts waiting for me after work is another matter. But i am going to the police today, so hopefully, he will then take it seriously that he cant just follow me around.

Errata

i am giving fiance space

No you're not - he's walked out on you. Given that you don't seem to understand the difference, I wonder how much of the 'stalking' you understand.

Schwade

Errata wrote: »

No you're not - he's walked out on you. Given that you don't seem to understand the difference, I wonder how much of the 'stalking' you understand.

Come on, this is a bit harsh.

Yes, he walked out on her. And yes, she is not contacting him so giving him space. And yes, she is now suffering the consequences.

And there is a other guy who is doing all these things now which I would consider stalking. Yes, she shouldn't have lead the other guy on but he is now at a point of stalking after clear instructions not to do it from her.

I hope you are not mixing up personal experience with her facts.

At the end, there are two issues to tackle. Her fiance, and this other guy who is stalking her.

If she was my daughter or sister, I would say the exact same things.

scooby088

The other guy see's you as his girlfriend for a simple explanation and by continuing to have a friendship with him even after the affair you gave him a sign of maybe something would happen again. He is behaving oddly but he has professed his love for you, him being obsessive can lead to a very dangerous situation for yourself. You really shouldn't waited so long to goto the police, or even a solicitor for that matter.

scooby088

Schwade wrote: »

Come on, this is a bit harsh.

Yes, he walked out on her. And yes, she is not contacting him so giving him space. And yes, she is now suffering the consequences.

And there is a other guy who is doing all these things now which I would consider stalking. Yes, she shouldn't have lead the other guy on but he is now at a point of stalking after clear instructions not to do it from her.

I hope you are not mixing up personal experience with her facts.

At the end, there are two issues to tackle. Her fiance, and this other guy who is stalking her.

If she was my daughter or sister, I would say the exact same things.

The OP stated her fiance has not replied to her texts or phonecalls hardly giving him space, a first betrayal i could forgive but a second would be a step too far for some. Deal with the other guy and just hope the fiance can have his say either end it or keep trying.

Schwade

scooby088 wrote: »

The OP stated her fiance has not replied to her texts or phonecalls hardly giving him space, a first betrayal i could forgive but a second would be a step too far for some. Deal with the other guy and just hope the fiance can have his say either end it or keep trying.

We are obviously in disagreement on what the meaning of "giving space" means and its connotations. TBH, I don't really care. In the end:

If she was my friend, daughter, sister, I would be (1) disappointed at her actions with the other guy and (2) concerned about this other guy stalking him.

If the fiance was my friend, brother, son, I would tell him to call off the wedding.

Pollycat

Schwade wrote: »

We are obviously in disagreement on what the meaning of "giving space" means and its connotations. TBH, I don't really care. In the end:

If she was my friend, daughter, sister, I would be (1) disappointed at her actions with the other guy and (2) concerned about this other guy stalking him.

If the fiance was my friend, brother, son, I would tell him to call off the wedding.

That's a pretty good summing up, Schwade.