Done something really stupid in past - now its coming back to bite me - HELP!

Hard_up,_not_happy

bigproblem wrote: »

Why would i say he is stalking me if he isnt????? What can i possibly gain from that, maybe i secretely enjoyed having to tell my fiance everything, or maybe it was having to dicuss my private life with the police, or possibly telling my boss what id done so he could understand why this guy was a possible threat and could turn up???? Urmm nope i was embarressed by my behaviour and ashamed to tell everyone what id done, hardly making myself look whiter than white in process either was i?

And the truth you mention, is that i have behaved very badly, and properly unforgivably in fiances eyes, which i accept, BUT that doesnt mean i deserve to be scared at home and at work in case this guy shows up and tries something stupid, and i DONT deserve to be scared walking home from work every time i hear someone behind me in case its him, whether i led him on or not (which in my mind i did not but whatever) does that mean its ok for him to make me feel this way? - That its ok for him to try and find me at work, ok for him to search presumably numerous wedding forums to find which one im a member of, ok to keep texting and turning up when ive asked him not to and mostly is it ok for him to scare me??

Because you have proved on this thread that you are more than capable of lying when it suits you.

GlynD

I'm defending the OP. She needs a defence whether she's done wrong or not.

Schwade

bigproblem wrote: »

And the truth you mention, is that i have behaved very badly, and properly unforgivably in fiances eyes, which i accept, BUT that doesnt mean i deserve to be scared at home and at work in case this guy shows up and tries something stupid, and i DONT deserve to be scared walking home from work every time i hear someone behind me in case its him, whether i led him on or not (which in my mind i did not but whatever) does that mean its ok for him to make me feel this way? - That its ok for him to try and find me at work, ok for him to search presumably numerous wedding forums to find which one im a member of, ok to keep texting and turning up when ive asked him not to and mostly is it ok for him to scare me??

You definitely led him on. You just need to flip the situation and you will realise that.

If I was the guy (hypotheically), I would have knew you didn't tell your bf/fiance about us spending time together. I would have knew I still had a chance as we always go out together (just like before when we had the affair). I would have thought that it worked before and so I will try it again.

That's doesn't mean it gives me the right to download pictures off you though. So hope you are deal with this other guy.

Pollycat

bigproblem wrote: »

Why would i say he is stalking me if he isnt????? What can i possibly gain from that, maybe i secretely enjoyed having to tell my fiance everything, or maybe it was having to dicuss my private life with the police, or possibly telling my boss what id done so he could understand why this guy was a possible threat and could turn up???? Urmm nope i was embarressed by my behaviour and ashamed to tell everyone what id done, hardly making myself look whiter than white in process either was i?

And the truth you mention, is that i have behaved very badly, and properly unforgivably in fiances eyes, which i accept, BUT that doesnt mean i deserve to be scared at home and at work in case this guy shows up and tries something stupid, and i DONT deserve to be scared walking home from work every time i hear someone behind me in case its him, whether i led him on or not (which in my mind i did not but whatever) does that mean its ok for him to make me feel this way? - That its ok for him to try and find me at work, ok for him to search presumably numerous wedding forums to find which one im a member of, ok to keep texting and turning up when ive asked him not to and mostly is it ok for him to scare me??

You are right, regardless of what you've done (to both blokes, in my opinion) you do not deserve to be scared that he'll do something to you.

I'm glad that you've got a positive reaction from the Police and I hope that a visit from them will make this guy realise that he's well and truly overstepped the mark with his actions.

Also, I do think that you've been very honest.
You could easily have just posted that you're being stalked by sombody that you had an affair with.
You didn't have to mention that you were still seeing him behind your fiance's back so I think you do deserve some credit.

If it really is true that you didn't encourage this chap and that after the affair was over there was nothing but friendship between you (at least in your eyes), I hope that in time your fiance will learn to trust you again and that things work out for you.

Nic2011

Anyway for those who care, I went to police earlier and they were quite helpful, they took his details and are going to go to his house and 'have a word' tonight, so we shall see what happens.[/QUOTE]

Thats usually the first step, they hope that by having a word the person will stop and therefore they don't have to arrest etc!!

They did this with my ex, but he just carried on and it ended up him assaulting me, which was a progression of other things he was doing- they persued it and he was eventually he was convicted - its a shame he didn't just give it up, he's not have a criminal record now.

If after they have had a word and he shows up dial 999 I got told off a few times for not doing so, but I wasn't in any danger so just called the station number to report it. Keep records and report every and all attempts to contact you and keep the evidence.

I changed numbers, email addresses etc etc - unfortunately I couldn't change my address - it will be interesting to see what happens when the restraining order runs out!!!

paddy's_mum

OP - I really recommend that you sign off now. You've had all the advice that most people are able to give. You've gone to the Police and hopefully, their action in warning the bloke will do the trick.

This is now just degenerating into a bash-fest despite the fact that you've already had all the hard words and taken them on the chin. Needing some support when you are in real fear is completely understandable but I am afraid that this forum isn't now the place to seek it.

I'm sorry for your heartache. Good luck.

January20

abacus73 wrote: »

Oh great, now they allow kids on here with no idea how to debate and share opinion :wall:

Think you might be on the wrong forum.. try this www.cbeebies.com

Oh I thought we were ALL allowed to state an opinion? That was my opinion! No need to call me childish! Have no worries, I'm not coming back to this thread!

I love it when a post is deleted but has been quoted before. How utterly useless :rotfl::rotfl:

NickyBat

Schwade wrote: »

You definitely led him on. You just need to flip the situation and you will realise that.

If I was the guy (hypotheically), I would have knew you didn't tell your bf/fiance about us spending time together. I would have knew I still had a chance as we always go out together (just like before when we had the affair). I would have thought that it worked before and so I will try it again.





Yes but this guy has gone further than that. I don't condone anything the op has done BUT i would have more self respect, dignity and decorum than to stalk someone.

She said she has told him to get lost, but he can't seem to take no for an answer, even if he thought there was a possibility of a re-match between them, he's following her and texting her from different numbers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, that by anybody's standards is spooky.:eek::eek::eek:

paddy's_mum

tattycath wrote: »

She'll be very clever if she does that-dead people don't tend to wake up.

Yeah, right :rotfl:Well spotted, that person.

Apparently, there are thousands of expressions which make no sense taken word for word but everyone knows exactly what they mean.

Hard day's night (the Beatles)
Beanz meanz heinz (Heinz)
No better than she should be (traditional)
Going round meaning well like anything (Maureen Lipman)
Kick the bucket (traditional)
Look out! (traditional)
Butterflies in my tummy (traditional)
A slight touch of pregnancy (traditional)
Go to work on an egg (as opposed to your bicycle?) Egg Marketing Board
My suitcase weighs a ton (traditional)
I once had a girl or should I say, she once had me (The Beatles, Norwegian Wood)

I love the English language - how about you, tattycath?!

rumdiddlyum

yes he is stalking you' but no offence you have led him on you cant be friends with someone you had an affair with you know its wrong. you need to tell your fiance now dont let him get to the alter and then if he does turn up which he may it will leave your boyfriend embarrassed and heartbroken again in front of everyone he knows and loves. tell him and sort it out now and if he leaves well you have learnt your lesson its not an episode on corrie your messing with his whole life