How do you deal with infidelity?

iwillbedebtfreeinmylife

Hi really sorry to read your story. My advice to you, and im talking from experience would be.....Dont feel bad or beat yourself up about the fact you havnt kicked him out or confronted him. You are a strong person, and you are now in control of everything. Remember, he is terrified right now!! The baby might not be his, and im sure he is also wondering that!!


You need to decide what you want! you need to get money in YOUR account. You do need to get bills etc in your name, (even if you stay together this will make you feel better, and more secure) You, do unfortunalty need to go to the sexual health clinic, not nice but has to be done. Sitting in a solicitors office, makes everything, very real and very cold, i would say do it, to see how you feel afterwards, the great thing about your free half nhour will be you will have so much knowledge, you will feel empowered- along with lots of other emotions.

I would do all these things first, prepare yourself, and then simply say " i know" and let him lie to his hearts content! in the end he may tell you the truth, but ultimatley your future in totally in your hands! The worst thing will be if he walks and your not prepared. I felt that everyone was laughing at me too, but they are not. people dont like to get involved, they think they should not be the mesenger, which now i kinda understand. i know its easy to say but hold your head high, you have done nothing wrong, you are being hurt and people know that, you will find out who your real friends are now!

My oh was soooo shocked that i was prepared, strong and full of knowledge. We spent 2 years apart, he fell apart and i got stronger, eventually over time we got back together, but thats because everything was on the table, sorted and we both now have respect for eachother.

Whatever happens, look after yourself and remember you are in control. right now he has none!

xxxxhelpxxxx

This was still all done by text but he said he is currently in a marriage with someone that he wants to go out with, stay in with and have sx with. Me on the other hand does not want to go out, stay in or spend any time with him and I cannot pretend that I am not faultless. I have never intimated that I am faultless.

I told him that he has been looking for something else for many years and did he not think that could be part of the reason for making me feel inadequate. I said I have put up with it for a long time and this was the final straw.

He said that an occasional yes rather than a guaranteed no was all he wanted.

I said it was also the fact that I have to do everything. He thinks he does everything but does nothing and that I am nothing more than a doormat. An occasional being nice to me wouldn't have gone amiss.

He said he had wanted to talk to me about life for years and has mentioned that things have not been good and was told to go f himself!! He wanted to tell me about the baby thing but was hoping to hear whether she was keeping it or not. She will most likely keep it with f's his situation more which he says actually f's mine as well!!

I told him that I poured my heart out to him in a letter years ago and he just ignored me. Why should I bother thinking that I could talk to him about anything else.

He then said that we could continue arguing about who ignored who the most but that is hardly helping.

I agreed and said it was time to call it a day. No matter what has happened or who thinks they are the most hard done by, I cannot forgive or forget this.

He spent 45 minutes on the phone to his mum's house between some of the texts yesterday. He says that his mum does not know so I presume he was talking to his brother.

He didn't get in till gone midnight last night (probably later). I went to bed about 1130. I slept fitfully and gave up and went in the youngest's bed at 530 this morning.

We didn't speak more than a few words this morning. I don't know what tonight will bring.

I have got a banging headache today that just won't shift I have sent him an email with a link to my blog to give him some idea of what I have been through the last couple of months. Don't know what difference it will make though!

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and comments.

nicter

Hugs to you help. Stay strong and put your own needs first for a change xx

xxxxhelpxxxx

Just got back from the Sexual Health clinic. I felt such a fool for being there. I know they are probably used to seeing people like me but I am not used to being in a place like that. I am too old for that sort of thing (or so I thought) It was nice, don't get me wrong, but full of younger people I wasn't bothered about being tested urgently because I know I am clean. But after thinking about the fact that she is pregnant and that meaning that unprotected sex has taken place and she has been single for a year, doing god knows what, I started to panic!! Anyway they are testing for all sorts, just in case. Results will come through in a couple of weeks. At least I will know one way or another.

On a positive note - my headache has gone thanks to caffeine, extra strong paracetamol and ibruprofen all together!!

Ho hum onwards and upwards!

RAS

You might suggest that his lordship gets himself tested as well?

pigpen

Well tell him you have at least 3 STI's even if you haven't .. get him fretting!

evansmummy

I hope this awful situation comes to a happy end. Although you have been together years and years and you know no different I think the time has come to cut your losses.
Being with a wonderful man myself I couldn't imagine what you're going through. Be aware there are men out there that will treat you the way you deserve and this awful example of a man will be a long distant memory. You'll soon realise that you were a fool to stay for as long as you have since you've found out he was advertising himself on the net. That should have been the point when things were spoken about let lone once he's done the deed and actually got someone pregnant. I know it's easy for people on the outside to give their opinion but the general concensus is don't waste another tear on him.
I hope things turn better for you soon x

alison10011

Hey you.. stay strong.. you are not alone, you have so much virtual and real life support xx

Supernatural

Feel for you, been there myself and it is so hard to deal with the lies and hurt. I walked out of a 14 year relationship for almost the exact same reasons as you, internet romances, double life etc.

Get a book called 'women who love too much', it explains a lot about why we allow ourselves to be treated badly, and once you understand it you can begin to rebuild yourself. Stay strong! x

flexrider

flutterby_lil wrote: »

So what time is he home?

That is what men do, turn it round and blame the women!!

Well done for taking the bull by the horns so to speak and confronting him - even though it was by text! He doesn't deserve it to be brought up in conversation at the end of the day.

YOU WILL get through this with the help and support of your friends and family.

Lots of love and positivity coming your way xx

Not all men been married myself now for over 11 years and married the same time as a friend and his former wife who he cheated on 4 times yet she took him back with that mentality that she could forgive him and change him until she seen the light and started fresh again. Your point on him cheating is correct My parents learnt me form a young age if you cant keep it in your pants your better off being single in the first place,

Just wanted to state not all men are bad just the ones that are make the rest of us look like we are?

To the Op just hold on and work on your self stay around friends and like they say the best revenge is getting on with your life. Good times lay await