How do you deal with infidelity?

flutterby_lil

You sound very positive in your latest post, well done.

alison10011

Am so proud of you for finally taking that step. It will be tough but you have support and can / will get through it xx

xxxxhelpxxxx

I can't believe it has been so long since I updated this thread. It's all gone a bit sh1tty.

My husband's affair is still going on. I am divorcing him on the grounds of adultery. He did not respond to the letters from the solicitor so I went ahead with my petition. He was not amused by the terms. Because he would not sign an admission, the petition said unknown person, unknown place, etc and then the petition stated some his behaviour that contributed to the breakdown.

I am divorcing him because he was lying to me about contacting her and wanting to be with her (saying he wanted neither but doing both). His OW was a bit of fun until she got pregnant. Even while she is pregnant she was fun because her other child went to stay with his father a couple of nights a week and they can go out.. Not quite sure how much fun she will be when she has a screaming baby and cannot "get rid" of him for a couple of nights a week to go out with him.

I really don't care because I am getting shot of him asap. Things have really gone bad between us. I am no longer sleeping in the same room as him - I have moved in with the baby. We have started mediation and I think the mediators have got through to him that the terms of the petition do not actually make a jot of difference to a divorce, they are only a means to an ends to convince a judge that the marriage has broken down. He thought that a judge would look at finances less favourably depending on the reason for divorce!! Idiot!!

We have to get through Christmas now!! Not looking forward to that.

flutterby_lil

Thanks for the update.

Sorry it isn't good at home but nothing else could be expected. Enjoy xmas for the children. Good luck.

Hope all works out for you in the new year x

Caroline_a

Keep going, come back to post here because you WILL get support! I've been where you are and this is not a nice place to be. You sound positive and strong, and I wish you a peaceful Christmas xx

Justicia

^I think you need to read the thread...;)

xxxxhelpxxxx

lily76 wrote: »

Well, OP before you start anything, you should ask yourself what result you actually want. Hmm - the result I want is to no longer be married to a cheater who is having a child with another woman.

If you want your husband to be back and your family life goes on you can not just shout out everything and embarrass him leaving him no choice but leaving you. He doesn't want the divorce because he doesn't think he's done anything wrong!! He has told people his side of the story, which is only a tiny little piece of the truth.

Hiding your true feelings and keeping calm are really necessary. Have been doing this for the last 6 months You should let your husband see you as a partner standing by him to sort out the situation together instead of an enemy to blame him even if you do. Huh Then if that woman is too pushy he will see her as an enemy and the trouble to sort out. You can even talk with that woman asking her what the benefit of breaking a 19-year family just for her selfish joy of several years or even less than that? Why would I want to talk to her? She wants my husband. She has told him that.She is young and bright and could have many chances to meet a more suitable guy of her similar age. Not sure where you got that impression from. Her last husband was much older than her as well. She is pregnant and I would not think it is wise for her to keep the child to be honest. I know I am so cruel to say so, but that is more sensible. So, do you propose terminating a 7 month pregnancy? Or suggesting adoption?

If you don't want him any more, then check bank account and give some money to each child if possible. Then you need a solicitor. Good luck anyway. We don't have any joint accounts and I have a solicitor.

What I can assure you is that your husband would not go long with that woman. The gap of age is there. I don't really care whether he "goes long" with her - he is having a child with her. That on its own is too much.

Echoing Justicia - are you for real???? Have you read the thread? Do you just jump in with your opinion without reading any of a thread. If you had read any of what I have written you would realise that everything you have written is a load of rubbish!!!

Emmzi

xmas is just one day, we make such a fuss over it! try not to stress.

well done on progressing the divorce. you have come such a long way! next step, living seperately! you will feel SO much better when you don't have to see his cheating face every day!

xxxxhelpxxxx

Emmzi, I can't wait to live apart!! I dream of it every day. I keep hearing more and more things from the girls every day about what he is up to now.

I know that Xmas is only one day but it is much more than that really. He is apparently going to stay with his mum on Xmas Eve. We are staying at home and I am cooking lunch. I will then go over to my sisters and the girls will go up to his mum's for the afternoon. The added problem is that it is DD2's 18th birthday on Xmas Day!!! It will be just so disjointed. He has been telling people that he is being forced out of the house on Xmas Day. In fact, he suggested it and DD3 told him that's what was happening!! His car was supposed to be going in to the garage over Xmas. This would mean that he had no transport and could not see "her". The car is not going in now and my fear and dread is that he will go over to see "her" on Xmas morning and bring her back to his mum's and expect everyone to be happy about it. The girls have already said that they will walk out if they find her there!!

The girls have made it clear that they do not want to meet her. Yet he still tries to engineer things. For instance, on a Sunday morning a group of us used to go to the local Wetherspoons for breakfast. This included the girls and babies, him and a couple of the DJ's we know with their partners. Since all this has kicked I have stopped going. The girls went a few more times. Then one day DD3 asked if "she" was going to be there because he told the DD2 that she was (thinking that she would be amenable to seeing her). The DD3 hadn't even been asked if she wanted to go that week. DD3 refused to go because "she" was there. I found out about this and told him to stop forcing them to meet her. He huffed and puffed about that, saying that nothing was wrong with it!!

DD1 was then told that the "her" son wanted to play with DD1's son. Quite how the little boy knew about DD1's son I don't know but it's probably all part of his web of deceit! She said no way on this earth is he playing with this other child. We never heard anything more about it. Until last weekend when DD1's ex was down to see their boy. Husband invited him along to "breakfast club" on the Sunday morning, knowing that he wouldn't refuse. He engineered a meeting with "her" and her son, against DD1's wishes. He then told DD1 about it afterwards!!! Ex bf wouldn't have known that he was doing anything wrong. "She" was angry that she wasn't introduced to ex bf and DD's son, she was just introduced as a friend. She also got upset when husband said that DD1 boy was far politer than her boy!!!

To say that we are all p1ssed off is an understatement.

lily76

Justicia wrote: »

^I think you need to read the thread...;)

I only read the first post and did not see the time of posting as it was midnight and I just did a quick reply. My fault.

Anyway, If I had known my un-careful fault would result in being shouted at so horribly at xmas time I would not bother to reply. I deleted it. Anyway good luck to OP and this is my last reply in this post.