How do you deal with infidelity?

flutterby_lil

Big hugs, you are being so brave and doing so well, I have followed your thread for a while now xx

NickyBat

well done You....Miss marple , i think you have conducted yourself with such poise, great you're gathering so much evidence.

Dinah93

Well done for staying so strong, have you made any financial progress towards getting him out of your space?

xxxxhelpxxxx

findingmyownway wrote: »

Wow, some interesting developments then!

So do your mum and dad still not know anything? Have your daughters kept the secret? How have they coped? I cant imagine their relationship with their dad is great now.

Are you still living together? If so, do you intend that to continue? Or you still want to kick him out?

The girls know that their father is an idiot. The eldest and youngest don't really say much but the middle one has a lot to say (mostly when she is drunk!!!) She has made it quite clear what her feelings are.

We are still living together and sharing the same bed. We have no choice, although I do move into one of the girls beds if they are not home for the night. Of course I want him gone.

NickyBat wrote: »

well done You....Miss marple , i think you have conducted yourself with such poise, great you're gathering so much evidence.

The "evidence gathering" is quite good fun!! It is heart breaking but also quite cathartic in a strange way. I can look at the file of stuff I have got and know that what I do will be right for me.

Dinah93 wrote: »

Well done for staying so strong, have you made any financial progress towards getting him out of your space?

Financially, there is not a lot that can be done. I start Uni in a couple of weeks. My bursary has come through so at least I have got a small amount of money to call my own.

Bumpmakesfour

Hun you are a much better person than me.Even just finding out about the affair would have tipped me over the edge but finding out he's paid for sex and gone swinging..plus about to be a dad again.Wow I am in awe of your calm attitude.I honestly think I'd have been arrested by now because I'd have strangled the sod and I wouldn't have him within 100 feet of me never mind in the same house/bed.
I really hope you can move on soon because you sure sound like you deserve so much better xxx

C_Mababejive

Have only read the first few and the last page to date.

You need to get rid of this loser. The man you first met is not this one. He has been caught up in the murky underworld of w hores,swingers and other associated alternative lifestyle types.

I do wonder if this girl who he has duffed might also be a prostitute? Maybe she is secretly bleeding him dry of money. Maybe she isnt really pregnant but is just spinning him a line to extract cash? maybe she is pregnant but it isnt his?

Either way you need to tell him that your relationship with him is over and you need to stop sharing a bed with him. I dont know how you could do it as it would make my skin crawl.

Emmzi

I think you have enough evidence now and need to stop spying on him or it will drive you mad and make you bitter and twisted.

Time to make him move out. End of story. Deal with the finances after that.

Bumpmakesfour

Out of interest have you told the pregnant girlfriend the extra bits?I'm such a vindictive !!!!! I'd have to make sure she knew she was one of a few,he was swinging etc.

xxxxhelpxxxx

C_Mababejive wrote: »

Have only read the first few and the last page to date.

You need to get rid of this loser. The man you first met is not this one. He has been caught up in the murky underworld of w hores,swingers and other associated alternative lifestyle types.

I do wonder if this girl who he has duffed might also be a prostitute? Maybe she is secretly bleeding him dry of money. Maybe she isnt really pregnant but is just spinning him a line to extract cash? maybe she is pregnant but it isnt his?

Either way you need to tell him that your relationship with him is over and you need to stop sharing a bed with him. I dont know how you could do it as it would make my skin crawl.

She definitely is pregnant. And he has admitted that it is his (so has she). She isn't a prostitute. They just have "fun times" together.

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Out of interest have you told the pregnant girlfriend the extra bits?I'm such a vindictive !!!!! I'd have to make sure she knew she was one of a few,he was swinging etc.

I have had a FB conversation with her. I have told her about the 3 other women he has been with, that I had to go to clinic and she didn't know anything about them. She wants to learn to do really dirty stuff and he enjoys teaching her!! However, the temptation to write stuff when I am logged in as him on FB is sometimes overwhelming!!! I could write some really horrid remarks. Her profile is locked down so I log in as him to see what's going on And to check his FB mail.

Tory70 wrote: »

This is now straying into dangerous waters with the stalking, swingers clubs and so on. Really, time for you and him to separate. How can you share a bed with him?? He sounds like a real sleaze.

Yes he is a sleaze!! I find it extremely difficult to share a bed with him but I have no choice. I move into one of the girls beds if they are not home for the night!! I do not sleep for a whole night - maybe managing 4/5 hours in total. Maybe one day soon he will realise that he needs to move out.

Thank you for all the support you show to me, especially anyone who has pm'd me with their story. It really helps to know that there are others in the same position as me.

xxxx

Lunar_Eclipse

Your husband's behaviour is so sad and unbelievable. I really feel for you and am also in awe of your calmness.

One thing though. You say you have no choice but to share a bed with him, which I really don't think is true. The bath, lounge floor, back seat of a car or even garden shed sound MUCH more appealing to me! Having said that, you shouldn't be the one to sleep elsewhere; he should. If you really don't want to share a bed with him, it is within your control to stop doing so immediately. Alternatively, perhaps you are hoping to be 'wanted' by him still, which I could totally understand too.