How do you deal with infidelity?

Emmzi

any reason he can't shack up with his fancy bit and then he won't have rent to pay? I'd suggest it. Nothing says "sod off I no longer care" any clearer.

xxxxhelpxxxx

Because apparently he can't stand her!!! He says he was trapped into it. It was not a one night stand though. He may well have only had s*x with her once (apparently) but the "relationship" went on for longer than that. He does not see it as a relationship though. He just sees it as a bit of fun that went wrong when she got pregnant!!

Emmzi

ah well. best get him the "rooms to rent" section from the local paper, am sure he can afford a house share.

alison10011

Let him stew in his own juice.. look after yourself and the girls. Don't you waver - stay strong and take comfort that it will get better and you have such a bright future ahead of you xx

RAS

xxxxhelpxxxx wrote: »

He cannot see how he can pay the mortgage and bills and also rent a place somewhere else for him to live in. I can see his point on that front.

I suggested that he went to see a solicitor and he just said that he knew what they would say and what was the point. He is trying to play the hard done by, poor me card.

I am going to phone the mortgage company on Monday to see if they will go to interest only payments. That will save quite a bit of money and might make the difference between him staying or going.

Hi

You need to start separating your finances NOW.

Do you have any joint savings or bank accounts?

Are any of the children under 19 and still in FT education?

Once he goes you may be able to claim some benefits but a lot depends on the age of your children and how many hours you work.,

*Louise*

Good luck - let us know how you get on with the mortgage company

Dinah93

Hey hon, it's been a few weeks, just wondering how you're getting on?

xxxxhelpxxxx

Hi, thanks for checking up on me.

Nothing much has changed. He's still a co*k, I am still living here, she is still pregnant. There have been some developments and I will update soon - I promise.

xxxx

xxxxhelpxxxx

Well developments have been:

Mortgage. Won’t accept interest only payments. That's a bit of a pain.

I have been in contact with S via FB mail. We had quite a good conversation but it was all based on lies from her. She said that they were “best friends, had been out places together a few times, had a laugh, kissed a few times and had s3x once”. I know that to be untrue because of messages on BBM.

He has had sex with 4 people since we have been married (including S); one was a ONS while he was working away, one was a paid-for lady and the other was at a swingers club (a 3some).

He is still in daily contact with S on BBM. I know this because I have found out his password and am forwarding it all to my email. They talk about the baby and names. They talk about my family (the kids) and friends - she knows information about our family that a friend wouldn’t necessarily know and wouldn’t need to know, especially someone who he has only known for a few months. They talk about their mutual friends. They talk about dirty s3x stuff, about stuff they want to do together. He has been doing stuff with her since February this year – not necessarily s3x but other intimate stuff. They are very emotionally involved with each other. Not necessarily “in love” but definitely emotionally involved. I think a lot of it comes from her. She has said that she intends to “get him”. She thinks that he is some sort of soul mate!! Poor deluded girl.

He talks to her nearly every day. They have worked out a little system whereby he sends her a BBM to say he is leaving work and then she phones him in the car. The car has a hands-free system that also means that incoming calls do not register on the phone number history. He has an hour journey to and from work every day. I don’t know how long they talk for but there have been many references to spoken conversations in their BBMs.

He doesn't know that I am following what he is doing It is amusing on a strange level to see what he thinks he is getting away with. The only problem is that I find out about things after they have happened. Like going to the swingers club - he took a friend to dj at a nightclub on Sunday and was bringing him home again (all above board). A couple of days later I find out that he had gone to the swingers club, found it was closing and gone back to the nightclub!! He told me he was there all the time.

He has registered on another swingers site and has contacted several people to arrange meetings.

My eldest DD has told the people she works with about J (another worker) knowing S and the whole situation. J is not back from maternity leave until January time but her work are being really supportive towards her.

I am visiting my mum for a couple of days and will visit my dad on the way back home. After they know then everything is out in the open and i can move on.

findingmyownway

Wow, some interesting developments then!

So do your mum and dad still not know anything? Have your daughters kept the secret? How have they coped? I cant imagine their relationship with their dad is great now.

Are you still living together? If so, do you intend that to continue? Or you still want to kick him out?