How do you deal with infidelity?

alison10011

You need to make the break before this breaks you.. we all know what a complete !!!! he is and has been.. any friends who doubt you are not friends worth having. His family are now treating you with a total lack of respect and that breaks my heart after so many years... My door is always open at anytime - you know that and I will never tire of listening to you. The teenagers bed is empty if you need it.. xx

fannyanna

xxxxhelpxxxx wrote: »

Anyway I found out that husband took friend to visit S at her house. They did some really dirty things together, S & friend, with husband watching!!!

I don't understand how you've found these things out. Surely only the three of them know what they've been up to and surely they haven't told you about it?

xxxxhelpxxxx

fannyanna wrote: »

I don't understand how you've found these things out. Surely only the three of them know what they've been up to and surely they haven't told you about it?

In a word - bbm. It's there in black and white.

I called his mum when I was on the way back from uni yesterday as I was going nearly past her door and I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks so thought I would pop in. I looked at his phone later and there was an answer machine message from her to him wondering if there was any particular reason that I was calling in. Don't know whether I'll bother going round again if my visits are just going to be viewed with suspicion

I have contacted two solicitors today. One cannot see me until November and the other one has been emailed. The 2nd one was recommended to me by my sister as being a "toughy" We shall see

xxxxhelpxxxx

Appointment made with solicitor 7th October to put the wheels in motion. I've got to take anything to do with the divorce and circumstances with me.

Scared is not the word.

xxxx

RAS

Are you scared of the change in the future or scared for your own safety? If the later you need a restraining order. And a grab bag.

Starting points, have you secured your finances? Do you have your own bank account? Is the Child Benefit paid to you? Is it paid into your own account?

Do you have any joint savings? And any joint bank accounts?

Take photocopies of all your financial statements and evidence and secure them somewhere safe.

If you have life insurance, alter the beneficiaries now if necessary.

xxxxhelpxxxx

RAS wrote: »

Are you scared of the change in the future or scared for your own safety? If the later you need a restraining order. And a grab bag.

Starting points, have you secured your finances? Do you have your own bank account? Is the Child Benefit paid to you? Is it paid into your own account?

Do you have any joint savings? And any joint bank accounts?

Take photocopies of all your financial statements and evidence and secure them somewhere safe.

If you have life insurance, alter the beneficiaries now if necessary.

I am not scared for my safety at all - there has never, ever been a time when that has been an issue. Just scared of change, of the future to some degree.

I do have my own bank account, we don't have any joint ones. No joint savings. Child benefit comes to me, as does tax credit.

Wickedkitten

Sally42 wrote: »

I've been in a very similar situation to yours & I chose to stay, however I will never rest easy, never trust, never love my husband in the same way again. If you decide to stay, rest assured that it WILL happen again ~ and your husband will always have a link with 'the other woman' via their child. Sorry if I sound harsh, but it's a harsh situation. Your husband set out to look for someone else (as did mine, and still does); it didn't just 'happen', he made it happen, with effort and perseverance and in the knowledge that the result would devastate you, should you find out. Do you really want to be with a person who can willingly do that to you?
Message me if you'd like to talk, or scream or anything in between ~ I know JUST how you feel.

Why on earth would you bother sticking with him if you are never going to trust him again? Seems like a massive waste of life IMO

flutterby_lil

Good luck for the solicitors appt.

I perfectly understand why you are checking up on him, one day though you will feel strong enough not to do it and not give a damn.

I had my son (planned) with someone who decided to leave when i was 3 months pg. He went back to his ex who he had a child with. His parents hated the ex and said they would never let her back in their house (he loved with parents) as they were disgusted with what he had done to me. Low and behold they took her back with open arms when they had lost the anger they felt towards their son. So like the previous poster said, his parents will, when they calm down, be involved with his new child.

xxxxhelpxxxx

Well it's done. I went to the solicitor (with a friend). I couldn't have done it without her help. I am far to "nice" and try to see the best and be fair, which is not necessarily what you want in a divorce. He was a bit scary!!! Apparently a lot of men use him because he is intimidating. I have told him to proceed with a divorce. He has gone for adultery backed up with unreasonable behaviour if he doesn't agree.

I am eligible for legal aid. I know it needs to be paid back but it covers the up front stuff. We will have to go to mediation for the finances, etc. I don't know what will happen with regard to living arrangements. He is away this weekend so at least I don't have to worry about coming apart yet!

Thank you for all your support, and no doubt I will update again soon.

I am so scared about telling him that I have been to a solicitor. Not because I am fearful of my safety but because of the change.

deb68_2

Thinking of you, take care
lovw
deb x