How do you deal with infidelity?

jonty1970

Keep strong. There are a lot of people who support you.
I bet they will be miserable, once they get together full time.
Leave them to it and make a life for yourself.

If you do decide to throw him out, get a friend or relative to be there, to back you up.
I was afraid of throwing mine out, but I did it (and kept the house)
It will be easier for you to have someone to support you and he will know you are not alone, so knows there will be a witness.

xxxxhelpxxxx

jonty1970 wrote: »

Well done for coming this far and going through with the divorce.
Keep all the emails, but please try not to read them anymore. Just keep them as evidence in case you need them.
It would make me sick reading them and would make it far worse, knowing what they say in private. What horrible selfish people they are. I don't read them - it's just nice to know that the proof is there.

As to his family, you can't trust some people to have loyalty.

I thought I was very close to my exes family. His mother told me I was like a daughter to her.
We always included her in our plans and I thought of her as a second mum.

When we split after 15 years, they took his side. She ignored me in the street, like I was sh*t on her shoe.
Even though I had done nothing wrong to her precious son!

Try not to let it bother you. I think this is the one thing that will really upset me - knowing that his mum can't or won't speak to me. She has always treated me like the daughter she never had. She said that she wanted nothing to do with the baby but has now seemingly changed her mind and is agreeing with the name suggestions.

Make him sleep on the settee at least. That is your right to have your own bed.

I would have kicked him out and thrown his pc's on the front garden.
I did it to my 1st husband. I threw all his clothes on the garden and gave the neighbours a free show :rotfl: I might be a bit late for this now Also, I wouldn't want to done for criminal damage or anything!!

But only you can decide what you want to do.

He is no good for you and you deserve a lovely nice, decent man.
There are plenty out there.

I feel sorry for his unborn son. Imagine having him as a father. A pervert, liar and a family who seem to have accepted how he has treated you.

As for the BJ, forget that. It will drag you down to his sleazy level. This was just a one time fantasy that I had - I wouldn't really do it - the temptation to bite down would be too great!!! :eek:

Move on and get him out of your life for good!

It's going to be a long hard road ahead!!

Mrs.W_2

You've been so marvellously brave! And you'll need the resolution those email correspondences etc bring in the coming months, especially if he's as slippery as you've previously stated. They definitely will serve you well when taken in mind, if not in hand.

Wishing you strength and support.

xxxxhelpxxxx

The postman has been and the letter from the solicitor has arrived!!!

I don't know if I am brave enough to actually give it to him. I haven't mentioned that I have been to a solicitor.

I have phoned the mediation people today. I have an initial meeting by myself in a couple of weeks. They will decide if I am eligible for free mediation on legal aid or not.

thorsoak

How did things go last night?

thorsoak

Did you actually give the letter to him?????

olibrofiz

Some men hey ! My biggest crimes? Not rinsing soap off the dishes, not dressing like his ex wife, always asking closed questions (that last one still makes me so :mad::mad: I now practice it whenever I see him - it means he doesn't answer when I speak to him :rotfl:)

And the snooping - forewarned is forearmed, I'd do it.

Just wanted to send big hugs xx

Caroline_a

OP, I have spent some time reading all of your thread. Like many other people on here, I have walked away from a bad marriage, with children, little money or support. It is a hard thing to do, but as human beings we have to put our children first. That sounds like a strange thing to say.... but... we have to ask the question - do we want to set an example to our kids of what a marriage/husband/father/wife/mother should be when that person isn't a fit role model?

Having read what you have written in your posts about your husband, how on earth can you carry on living anywhere near him? How can you have your kids near him?

You seem to think that a divorce will solve all the problems and make them go away - a divorce is normally the last thing that people do when they've split up, sorted out the finances, residency of children, house arrangements, etc. You still have all this to do, you don't appear to have addressed any type of these sort of arrangements which are what needs to happen to practically move on.

We have all been scared of being on our own, of managing to live financially on our own, with nobody to share things with. But because we had self-esteem, pride, and wanted the best for our kids we walked away. I know it sounds harsh but you have to stop wallowing in what he is doing with her.... walk away, chuck him out, put his clothes outside - criminal damage my ar $e... the court would laugh it out of court!! Change the locks, tell him that he can pick up his stuff by date x or it goes on the road.

No more prevaricating, just do it. Or show your daughters that it's ok to stay and share a bed with a man who gets another woman pregnant, who is into swinging and threesomes, who happily makes a fool of his wife and his family by his actions. History has a habit of repeating itself - is this what you want for your girls? I wouldn't want it for mine.

xxxxhelpxxxx

Caroline_a wrote: »

....
You seem to think that a divorce will solve all the problems and make them go away - a divorce is normally the last thing that people do when they've split up, sorted out the finances, residency of children, house arrangements, etc. You still have all this to do, you don't appear to have addressed any type of these sort of arrangements which are what needs to happen to practically move on.

I think I was hoping that by actually filing for divorce, it would show that I mean business. He would just keep believing that everything will be ok and that I will just ignore everything that is going on.

I gave the letter to him. I left it and went to uni It says that his estranged wife is divorcing him for adultery with so and so on such a date, etc. There is a letter for him to sign saying that he admits adultery, that it is still going on and he will move out!! (this information was taken from my copy of the letter sent to me).

My middle DD was there when he opened it (he was taking her to college). She said he had a little cry. I think he was genuinely shocked I don't think he thought I would actually go through with it. Hahahahaha

Anyway, he hasn't spoken to me about it at all since then. He did not come home till late on Monday (the day he read the letter). He went out with his brother and probably told him what a complete and utter b1tch I was. But I really don't care The OW has been looking divorce law up for him - not quite sure what she expects to find though.

I have been to Relate to speak with them. I am seeing them on my own to sort out my own head. I have got the mediation appointment in a couple of weeks time to start the ball rolling re finances. First one is on my own and then with him after that.

I don't actually know if he has seen a solicitor yet - I doubt it because he's been at work. Hopefully he will get off his arris tomorrow (he works at home on Friday) and sort it out. He has got another letter today from my solicitor - probably asking why he hasn't returned any paperwork.

If he won't sign the adultery admission then my solicitor will go for unreasonable behaviour - I don't really care which it is

xxxx

NickyBat

Good for you. x