How do you deal with infidelity?

NickyBat

Just keep telling yourself you are doing the right thing, and if you start to buckle remember all he has done to you. This is bad time you have been through, but you can look on the divorce as the beginning of the end of it all and know that at some point in the future you will be in a much better place than you are now.
x

Emmzi

you are doing the right thing

more than anything, you deserve your dignity back

ailuro2

Spend the weekend getting copies of bank statements, financial affairs, insurances, passports, credit card bills etc.

Much easier later on if any of the money "disappears" from any jiontly held accounts.

Copy any passwords etc that are written down, and get into the bank and change your account so no large withdrawals can be made without joint signatures.;)

Best of Luck, well done for being brave and not a doormat who was willing to let herself be walked all over.

determined_new_ms

just read ur thread & feel real sad and bl00dy angry for you. Woman - and this is said with much love - get some fire in ur belly. How bl00dy dare he do this to you??!!!!! people fail out of love, its truely sad but it happens, but if you've truely loved someone you'd have the decency to call the marriage to an end before you embark on another relationship. Its really sad that the two of you didn't work on the relationship when it started to go down the pan, but what's done now can't be undone. I do actually understand re the p0rn as my oh had a problem with it the first year we were living together but I put my foot down and the last time I found out I hit the wall and made it very clear to him that to me this was cheating (he too was waiting till I was asleep & then sneaking off to the pc, once I literally was falling asleep closed my eyes for 2 mins jolted awake and he was already up in the spare room) and it was either the millions of women on the internet or me. He knew I was deadly serious and he stopped - although I am under no illusion that he probably watches it occasionally when I'm not around.

Lovely all I can say is you can kick him out, when he goes out next get a locksmith round to change the locks. And please whatever you do please do not give him a bj before you announce you know the whole sordid affair - I honestly believe if you do that you will damage yourself for years to come. Take revenge by kicking him out & letting him move in with the new woman - lets see how dirty she'll be with a new baby draining the life out of her!

xxxxhelpxxxx

ailuro2 wrote: »

Spend the weekend getting copies of bank statements, financial affairs, insurances, passports, credit card bills etc.

Much easier later on if any of the money "disappears" from any jiontly held accounts.

Copy any passwords etc that are written down, and get into the bank and change your account so no large withdrawals can be made without joint signatures.;)

Luckily we don't have ANY joint accounts, apart from the mortgage. We used to many years ago.

Best of Luck, well done for being brave and not a doormat who was willing to let herself be walked all over.

Thank you. I think I had to come to the decision myself that I had to do something and not keep going for the hell of it. I had to be brave!!

determined_new_ms wrote: »

just read ur thread & feel real sad and bl00dy angry for you. Woman - and this is said with much love - get some fire in ur belly. How bl00dy dare he do this to you??!!!!! I think I've found the fire people fail out of love, its truely sad but it happens, but if you've truely loved someone you'd have the decency to call the marriage to an end before you embark on another relationship. Its really sad that the two of you didn't work on the relationship when it started to go down the pan, but what's done now can't be undone. In hindsight there are a lot of things I would have changed - like confronting him the first time I found him contacting another woman. I do actually understand re the p0rn as my oh had a problem with it the first year we were living together but I put my foot down and the last time I found out I hit the wall and made it very clear to him that to me this was cheating (he too was waiting till I was asleep & then sneaking off to the pc, once I literally was falling asleep closed my eyes for 2 mins jolted awake and he was already up in the spare room) and it was either the millions of women on the internet or me. He knew I was deadly serious and he stopped - although I am under no illusion that he probably watches it occasionally when I'm not around. Again, hindsight is great. I should have said something but I didn't.

Lovely all I can say is you can kick him out, when he goes out next get a locksmith round to change the locks. Even if I did change the locks, there would be nothing stopping him getting in the house - unfortunately it is his house and home as well and legally he can enter it.And please whatever you do please do not give him a bj before you announce you know the whole sordid affair - I honestly believe if you do that you will damage yourself for years to come. This was just a fleeting fantasy - I would rather cut off my hands than do that with him now!! Take revenge by kicking him out & letting him move in with the new woman - lets see how dirty she'll be with a new baby draining the life out of her!

The amusing thing is that he doesn't want the other woman - he just wants to have fun with her - not settle down with her or anything

donquine

OP, given that you've now (quite rightly) started going down the legal route, I would recommend going through some of your old posts in this thread and sanitising them.

If I've read correctly, you've given your husband the link to your blog - and you've posted some things here that you've also posted there. It would be far too easy for him to find this thread and it doesn't sound like that would be helpful for you.

No one is without flaws, but this man has treated you appallingly. I wish you all the best in moving on with your life.

xxxxhelpxxxx

donquine wrote: »

OP, given that you've now (quite rightly) started going down the legal route, I would recommend going through some of your old posts in this thread and sanitising them.

If I've read correctly, you've given your husband the link to your blog - and you've posted some things here that you've also posted there. It would be far too easy for him to find this thread and it doesn't sound like that would be helpful for you.

No one is without flaws, but this man has treated you appallingly. I wish you all the best in moving on with your life.

I have given him the link to my blog. But there is nothing in the blog that refers to MSE. Nothing has been put on the blog past the point of me knowing and confronting him, etc. Certainly nothing about BBM, solicitors or knowing that he is still carrying on with her

He certainly doesn't go on MSE, or even know about it. It isn't his type of thing.

Thank you for your concern

jojo_2012_2

yes, get the ball rolling on the divorce and demand the house while your children are still young enough that you will have a case for keeping it to look after them. You don't want him to be able to keep it and raise his and that slag's child there do you!!

Also I understand the fascination with reading the email correspondence etc. I had my son's father cheating on me and couldn't wait to read their msn history that he didn't know I saved. It's like you're able to read their mind or inject them with truth serum. A real relief when all you're getting to your face is lies lies lies.

jonty1970

Well done for coming this far and going through with the divorce.
Keep all the emails, but please try not to read them anymore. Just keep them as evidence in case you need them.
It would make me sick reading them and would make it far worse, knowing what they say in private. What horrible selfish people they are.

As to his family, you can't trust some people to have loyalty.

I thought I was very close to my exes family. His mother told me I was like a daughter to her.
We always included her in our plans and I thought of her as a second mum.

When we split after 15 years, they took his side. She ignored me in the street, like I was sh*t on her shoe.
Even though I had done nothing wrong to her precious son!

Try not to let it bother you.

Make him sleep on the settee at least. That is your right to have your own bed.

I would have kicked him out and thrown his pc's on the front garden.
I did it to my 1st husband. I threw all his clothes on the garden and gave the neighbours a free show :rotfl:

But only you can decide what you want to do.

He is no good for you and you deserve a lovely nice, decent man.
There are plenty out there.

I feel sorry for his unborn son. Imagine having him as a father. A pervert, liar and a family who seem to have accepted how he has treated you.

As for the BJ, forget that. It will drag you down to his sleazy level.

Move on and get him out of your life for good!

xxxxhelpxxxx

jojo_2012 wrote: »

yes, get the ball rolling on the divorce and demand the house while your children are still young enough that you will have a case for keeping it to look after them. You don't want him to be able to keep it and raise his and that slag's child there do you!!

Also I understand the fascination with reading the email correspondence etc. I had my son's father cheating on me and couldn't wait to read their msn history that he didn't know I saved. It's like you're able to read their mind or inject them with truth serum. A real relief when all you're getting to your face is lies lies lies.

It gives me a degree of justification for what I am doing (divorce). I know that he is lying to my face and going behind my back and it just makes it easier to deal with knowing that he will get his comeuppance.