Money Moral Dilemma: Should I have flogged my husband's bling?



  • Larumbelle
    Larumbelle Forumite Posts: 2,140 Forumite
    It was very, very wrong! Reverse the roles for one moment. If your husband stole your property and sold it without your knowledge, then tried to defend it by saying it was ugly anyway, how would you feel? Betrayed, violated, cheated no doubt. It's a massive abuse of trust, and you knew that what you were doing was wrong at the time; that's why you did it secretly. It amazes me that you're only feeling a 'tad' guilty. Either you really are selfish, or you're still trying to justify it to yourself.

    It doesn't matter if you thought it was hideous. If he liked it, he liked it. If you love someone you want them to be happy regardless of their appearance. If that means they wear something that offends your taste, so what?

    It doesn't matter if he'd forgotten about it either, although just because something has been put up in the loft it doesn't mean it's been abandoned or forgotten about. If he no longer wanted it he would have got rid of it rather than putting it up. He may have put it up there to save on hassle, knowing you didn't like it - and if so, look how you've repaid him?!

    And it doesn't matter if you're 'a bit strapped'. If you were desperate you should have sat him down, explained the situation, and asked if he minded selling it or if he had any other ideas to make up some of the money, overtime, other items to sell etc.

    Just out of interest, if the money is in a joint account, where does he think it came from? £200 is a lot to explain away without telling lies. So surely you need to come clean now, explain you made a mistake, then rebuild your trust in one another, otherwise you will end up in a vicious circle, having to tell more lies to cover the last lot. If you do that and he finds out later you might end up killing your marriage.
  • shazpea
    shazpea Forumite Posts: 12 Forumite
    wow, my first reaction seems to be the complete opposite of everyone else's. i don't think it's all that bad. you sold an old chain of his that he never wore, (pity you didn't get more for it if you could have), and you put it in the joint account. Not to be cynical, but i'm sure that over the years there's things he's done that he's kept secret - an item or items of yours that have perhaps gone missing because they accidentally got broken and he didn't have the heart to tell you. a shirt you can't find anymore because it got messed up in the wash, etc, not quite the same as selling some minging bling, but if the issue is the 'keeping it secret' part then maybe use the money to buy something for you both that is something he wants - like go somewhere he's always wanted to go - (or get him a new, less minging gold chain!) just to ease your conscience! and if it's still eating away at you the i guess the only solution is to tell him. But i don't really think it's a big deal - unless you kept the money for yourself, which you didn't.
  • JoannaS_3
    JoannaS_3 Forumite Posts: 103 Forumite
    The fact that you have to ask shows you know what you did was wrong!!!!!

    I thought relationships were about communication and trust and if I was your husband and I found out what you did I'd have to wonder what else you steal/sell/lie about behind my back!

    How would you feel if he found something of yours and decided you didn't need it so just sold it and never told you?!

    That could have been something his father/grandfather/uncle gave him or holds sentiment for him and you just got rid of it like it meant nothing.

    The joke is, if you found it and said to him, "hey you haven't worn this for ages and we're strapped at the moment, how would you feel about selling it?" he probably wouln't have had a problem with it but now you've been completely dishonest instead and given yourself a 'dilemma' to deal with!!

    I'm annoyed this 'dilemma' has even been chosen as it isn't a're just a dishonest person who wants to pass the guilt onto other people to make you feel better!! Shame on you!!!!
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  • joehoover
    joehoover Forumite Posts: 146
    100 Posts
    You should have suggested selling it to him first, the idea of instant cash may have appealed to him more then the necklace, not giving him a choice is wrong. I am forever trying to declutter my partners stuff, he's a hoarder so won't even chuck away his worn out jeans he had when he was 18, he is 32 now. But he was a size 28 waist then so there is that psychological issue of holding onto things. I just want to declutter, I don't think it's healthy to have things stashed away for 10 years, but you should be looking at everything not just what you can make fast money on. Work through together, it is such a weight lifted when you declutter, it frees your mind up and if you can make money from it then all the better, just do it together
  • robpw2
    robpw2 Forumite Posts: 14,044
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    but when you marry you say , Whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours ,
    thefore as they are married surely it would be ok to sell , it

    Slimming world start 28/01/2012 starting weight 21st 2.5lb current weight 17st 9-total loss 3st 7.5lb
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  • lurvlyloz
    lurvlyloz Forumite Posts: 877 Forumite
    robpw2 wrote: »
    but when you marry you say , Whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours ,
    thefore as they are married surely it would be ok to sell , it

    ha i best not get married as my rule of thought is whats yours is mine & whats mine is mine :) :rotfl:
    Facing up to things - nov 2012 total 9334.95
    back to work after baby -Jan 2014 - total [STRIKE]6905.28 [/STRIKE](1 credit card) £3535

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  • Larumbelle
    Larumbelle Forumite Posts: 2,140 Forumite
    robpw2 wrote: »
    but when you marry you say , Whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours ,
    thefore as they are married surely it would be ok to sell , it

    I thought marriage was about mutual trust and respect.
  • *M*_2
    *M*_2 Forumite Posts: 6 Forumite
    Larumbelle wrote: »
    I thought marriage was about mutual trust and respect.

    Absolutely - and this is the bit I think is the biggest issue here. It's too late to discuss it with your husband first (and yes, I think you should have) but you should at least tell him what you've done.

    I think the posters suggesting this would lead to marital problems and even divorce might be going a bit OTT though! He might be cross about it but this isn't a deal-breaker on a lifetime commitment, surely.

    Don't lie about it though. Lies are worse than errors of judgement, which is all the sale of the necklace sounds like to me.
  • Cerisa
    Cerisa Forumite Posts: 350 Forumite
    I don't think it's that bad. specially if you guys are really struggling. Food's better than gold after all.
    £1600 overdraft
    £100 Christmas Fund
  • sjaarnaeh
    sjaarnaeh Forumite Posts: 9
    Part of the Furniture First Post Combo Breaker
    I agree that you shouldn't have done this.
    It wasn't yours to sell and he may have found sentimental value in it, or found it at a time when he really needed extra money and made the decision to sell it for himself.

    However, what's done is done and you can't get the necklace back.
    I like the sound of selling something of your own to a similar value to make up 'your share' of extra money but I know it's not always that straightforward.

    I'm guessing by the mere fact that you have had to post to ask this question that you're feeling guilty and regretful. I wouldn't exacerbate the situation by telling him, the sensible thing to do is try to forget it and move on.
    "Sealed Pot challenge" member No. 1316
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