Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

rachbc

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Poppyfield - I'm sorry if this post offends you but this bit of the story worries me intensely and I can't quite put my finger on why.

Perhaps it's because much of her reaction is that of a scared child hiding under their blankets but there is also a strong hint that she is not as innocently naive as you believe her to be.

Does it take quite a bit of cunning to obtain, use and dispose of three pregnancy tests and still make sure that nobody finds out? Did she buy them locally? Did no pharmacy assistant notice what she was buying and how young she was? How did she pay for them or does she routinely have that kind of money to hand so that you didn't notice? Did she have them sent to another address, undercover as it were? Did someone else pay for them, and provide the privacy to take them, and if so, who?

I'm afraid that by now I would be doing a fair bit of sleuthing if for no other reason than that you deserve to have all the facts the better to protect her, perhaps even from herself.

It VERY easy to get pregnancy tests - you can get them in poundland, free testing at youth centre, connexions, schools, buy them in the supermarket etc etc. I wouldn't say it takes an particular 'cunning' to hide this from her mum. Afterall she managed to hide having sex from her!

PootleFlump_3

RacyRed wrote: »

Poppyfields, (((hugs))) to you and your daughter.

I can understand your fears about the identity of the father, and also your daughter's fears about naming him. But have you thought of coming at the subject from another angle altogether?

Maybe hug her and say something along the lines of "I've always looked forward to talking to you woman to woman about your first experiences of sex, I hope it was exciting and wonderful for you and that you enjoyed it."

If she will open up a bit to you about the experience it might help give you a little reassurance about it being consensual or not.

And given some of the posts on this thread I will ignore the flaming I'm probably going to get for this suggestion. Poppyfields will know best if this is the type of conversation she can comfortably have with her daughter or not so lets leave it up to her.

:eek::eek::eek:

What!!! She is 15 and shouldnt be having sex in the first place. I personally would find it very odd to have a mother asking a 15 year old who is not in a relationship whether it was exciting and whether she enjoyed it. Completely inappropriate IMO.

Bloomin_Freezing2

I'd find it very odd if anyone asked whether I had enjoyed my last bonk apart from my husband. If my mother asked me...:eek: indeed!

sb44

RacyRed wrote: »

Maybe hug her and say something along the lines of "I've always looked forward to talking to you woman to woman about your first experiences of sex, I hope it was exciting and wonderful for you and that you enjoyed it."
And given some of the posts on this thread I will ignore the flaming I'm probably going to get for this suggestion.

What!

Your damned right you are going to get a flaming.

" I hope it was exciting and wonderful for you and that you enjoyed it." :eek:

She is 15, she is a child, she shouldn't be having sex full stop!

shellsuit

Maybe hug her and say something along the lines of "I've always looked forward to talking to you woman to woman about your first experiences of sex, I hope it was exciting and wonderful for you and that you enjoyed it."
And given some of the posts on this thread I will ignore the flaming I'm probably going to get for this suggestion.

And what if it was awful? What if she was pressured into it? Not the right thing to say at all IMO!

I would have been mortified if my Mum had spoken to me like that at that age, and I'd be mortified if she spoke to me like that now and I'm a married Mum of 3!

It also sounds a bit...how can I put it...pervy!

carolan78

I said earlier in the thread that Poppy needs to get tough and find out who the father is. The Daughter has had 4 weeks to get her head around the situation and pluck up the courage to speak to Mum. She has done that and hasn't had the riot act read to her so I don't understand why all of a sudden after getting the worst part over with (telling the parents) why she is now upset and struggling.

I would be concerned as her Mum that she kept it together for those 4 weeks and then crumbled when at the last hurdle, is there something regarding the situation that is worse than telling Mum and Dad? I would therefore be giving her until the end of the day to somehow let me know who the father is, where and when she met him for their tryst because I would be going out of my mind not knowing. I would also be making it clear if she didn't or felt she couldn't answer the questions then I would have no alternative but to go to the police as I wouldn't be able to settle until I know.

Also if she does decide to terminate op please make sure she has given you the details of the father before the procedure. I am not sure if an earlier poster is correct about using dna from the foetus if it is somebody a lot older or even a teacher (not as uncommon as people think) it may well be needed as evidence at some point.

I know your wanting to look after her and make sure she is ok that is our job as a Mums but it is also our job to make sure our children don't or haven't come to any harm. Without knowing who the father is you can't fulfil this obligation to your daughter. Good luck with the next few days no matter what pans out I still think you need all the strength and support you can get and just because people on here are suggesting to get tougher with your daughter doesn't mean we aren't behind you. We can only look on in as outsiders and tell you what we would now be doing x

savingmummy

charlishae wrote: »

Sorry if you have already mentioned this but am curious as to whether the doctor arranged for your daughter to have a scan? Most women get a scan at 12 weeks so if your daughter is 14 weeks then surely she should be having a scan soon. I wonder seeing her baby might make affect her decision.

Also with regards to the father do you think she might just be able to give you their age and whether its consensual? that way she wont worry about you knowing who the father is and you will have a little reassurance maybe.

I feel the gp was a bit too laid back about the situation tbh!
As a gynae nurse we would normally of had see this girl by now. The GP`s normally give a instant referral and we would be doing swabs and the nessesary blood tests and booking of a scan to ensure all is ok. Due to the unknown she would also be spoken too alone if needed to ensure it was just an `accident`.

Also it is hard to determine how many weeks you are by just feeling the uterus externally and going by periods. It isnt 100% accurate either as some women can have periods during pregnancy or be irregular!

mummyroysof3

i really hope you are getting some answers OP, while i understand she is a child she has now put herself in an adult situation now and wether she is ready for that or not she needs to realise what she decides to do doesnt affect just her...who will look after the baby while she studies for exams next year? who will pay for all the stuff baby will need? if she is keeping the baby she needs to start thinking about these things now im afraid, crying and looking away when you want to talk isnt going to help anyone...im guessing this will be why under 16s arent suposed to have sex...they just arent ready for the concequences

Pollycat

shellsuit wrote: »

It also sounds a bit...how can I put it...pervy!

Shellsuit - most definitely pervy.

It actually made my skin crawl.
Imho, a most inappropriate suggestion for the Mum of a 15 year old who's just announced she's pregnant and won't admit who the father is (especially as she says 'he will be angry').

savingmummy

marywooyeah wrote: »

OP I think at 14, probably nearly 15 weeks now, that time has made her desicion for her. Yes you can go up to 24 weeks - but seriously who would want to?!
You need to make her aware, and I hope this doesnt come across as blunt as the words are but I don't know how else to say it:
IF she does terminate, is she aware that she will have to give birth? Does she know what happens to the baby afterwards? I only recently found out where my unborn baby had been cremated and where he was (he was scattered with other babies in a rememberance garden which I hope to visit soon).
I could not imagine being 15 and having to go through that. I have always been a very maternal person which is part of why I suffered so badly after being bullied and blackmailed into a termination at 11 weeks, and the counsellor told me that maternal women tend to handle abortion very badly. You said your daughter takes care of her sisters a lot? I fear that she would not cope well with a termination, particularly at such a late stage.
I agree with others that you should get her in for a scan soon, seeing the baby will allow her to see how she truly feels.

This is in the case of a medical termination ie, baby is deformed or no longer living BUT as a termination of pregnancy they do it under anaesthestic.