Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

poet123

gordikin wrote: »

No...but unfortunately what has been said does happen and people should engage their brain before typing, that's my point.

It may happen, but it is extremely rare (in relation to the number of teen pregnancies), and it would be obvious to anyone that no one was really advocating that, nor saying their parents would have literally killed them. It doesn't really add much to the issue either

Welshdebtor

poet123 wrote: »

She would have to be quite devious and calculating to do that though, and the OP doesn't portray her that way

I agree the OP does not portray her that way. She is more likely to keep quiet rather than lie I would guess.

So how would you get her to give you an answer, whether a rough age, a name, or both?You can not beat it out of her. Involving the police to try and get it out of her may damage the relationship.

So what is the method of extracting the information?

Personally I am not sure.

mountainofdebt

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Not the same thing but i'm still terrified about my parent's reactions to certain things. They have no idea i smoke. I'm 24 but no chance i'm telling them as they'd practically disown me!

I still have to summon up courage to tell my mum things and I'm nearly twice your age!

But I know she's always in my corner.

GlasweJen

For me (and i'm only 24) at 15 an adult saying "enough is enough, you need to tell me now who the father is or i'm going to assume the worst and involve social services as I'm afraid that you've been raped and you're scared to talk about it" would really put the !!!!!rs up, i might have asked mum not to tell dad, made her promise not to freak out etc but i wouldn't want my mum thinking i'd been raped when i hadn't (especially if it involved an outside agency getting involved).

CFC

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Yes I fear that abortion would have a really bad effect on her. I'm definitely completely behind her if she decides that is right though.
If she keeps the baby, I'm again behind her and I know that her dad is too. She's spoken to him on the phone and she realises she has both of her parents support in this.

There is no 'good' decision possible in these circumstances, merely the 'least worst'.
I know you are convinced that she'll do fine in life if she keeps the baby, but most do not.
She's 15...she will have no life at all, no chance to grow up if she has a child.
As another poster has said, she needs to understand that it's ok for her to consider what she wants for herself, that she does not need to only consider any potential child's welfare, and that there is nothing wrong in not wanting to have a baby because she would like her own life while she is young.
Of course as you already have two young ones perhaps you have considered adopting this child if she decides to go to term or at least taking on all the care yourself so she can continue with education etc? Not that that is an easy option either.

By the way, about the father - another poster suggested that you point out to her if she wants to have a baby then the child has a right to know who its father is. Not to mention the CSA will also want to know, I presume, as at some point presumably she will need some maintainance payments, especially if benefits are limited going forward. Is she grown up enough to be aware of how much it costs to raise children? Maybe this will also help her to tell you about her sexual partner? I'm starting to suspect a friend's brother or similar myself - if she knows you have not gone nuts about her being pregnant I find it hard to believe that she would feel unable to tell you if it was a sexual offence against her.

gordikin

poet123 wrote: »

It may happen, but it is extremely rare (in relation to the number of teen pregnancies), and it would be obvious to anyone that no one was really advocating that, nor saying their parents would have literally killed them. It doesn't really add much to the issue either

There's no may about it..it does happen. Sorry this has devoloped into a DT thing now...so bye.

sarahevie

I also agree about the 'strong parenting' - I think that you are doing great, but you need to be tougher on finding out who the father is.

With my girls (who are both only babies) I will be taking the firm 'I'm their mother not their friend line' as that was the way my sister and I were raised and it served us quite well.

I agree with what has been said that she has behaved like an adult in having a sexual relationship and therefore needs to be grown up enough to face the father.

Oldernotwiser

mumps wrote: »

A friend of mine worked at a Catholic home for orphaned/unwanted teenage girls, her first job of the week was a trip to the clap clinic every Monday morning. I never went there myself but she told me it was a very busy place, hours waiting around feeling like she was someone's granny, she must have been in her early 20's at the time but she assured me she felt old compared to most of the clients. That was the late 60's so I think STI's were quite common.

Clinics were busy because they weren't open for long hours. The London hospital clinics I know were open only a couple of times a week in the late 60s/early 70s, now they're open 4 1/2 days a week.

The rates of STDs doubled in the decade 1991-2001 and now are considered to have reached record levels.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/aug/25/sexually-transmitted-infections-hit-record-high

lolly_896

poppyfields - if your daughter goes on to be half the mum you are, she'll be doing a fantastic job!

I really do hope she makes the right decision for her and you.

I'm sure she will talk given time, i wish you all the best

charlishae

Sorry if you have already mentioned this but am curious as to whether the doctor arranged for your daughter to have a scan? Most women get a scan at 12 weeks so if your daughter is 14 weeks then surely she should be having a scan soon. I wonder seeing her baby might make affect her decision.

Also with regards to the father do you think she might just be able to give you their age and whether its consensual? that way she wont worry about you knowing who the father is and you will have a little reassurance maybe.