Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Torry_Quine

GlasweJen wrote: »

Welshdebtor, I wouldn't dream of lying to my mum, i always assume other people are brought up the same. If I fell pregnant now to my boyfriend who my mum hasn't met and she asked who the father was she'd be told, there would be no "random guy at work" or "one night stand" excuses because I was brought up properly and lying to parents doesn't come into the equation.

That is somewhat of a different situation though. You are older with a boyfriend. Also the daughter hasn't lied just said she can't talk about it.

Welshdebtor

GlasweJen wrote: »

Welshdebtor, I wouldn't dream of lying to my mum, i always assume other people are brought up the same. If I fell pregnant now to my boyfriend who my mum hasn't met and she asked who the father was she'd be told, there would be no "random guy at work" or "one night stand" excuses because I was brought up properly and lying to parents doesn't come into the equation.

I do not think I would lie either. I would most probably keep quiet rather than lie.

GlasweJen

It would have been the same at 15, we respect our parents. Going back to when my sister was pregnant at 17 my mum was told that the father was a man who my parents don't like, he is the same age as my dad. My parents weren't amused in the slightest but they asked and they were told.

As it happens she's now married to him but that doesn't matter as we couldn't have known 12 years ago that that is how things were going to turn out.

Age is no excuse for disrespect, if an elder asks you a direct question then you answer it and you do so truthfully.

poet123

Welshdebtor wrote: »

Regarding the demanding to know the father:

If pushed into an answer how do you know she comes out with a truthful answer? And not something like "A boy in my class" just to get her mum to back off and stop asking?

What would be the ideal proof?Except getting a name etc then meeting him maybe?

She would have to be quite devious and calculating to do that though, and the OP doesn't portray her that way

I am afraid I also agree the time has come to be a bit tougher, she made an adult decision to have sex and so she should expect to be treated like an adult, and behave like an adult. She has been extremely lucky in getting the reaction from her parents that she has had, but she needs to understand that some things cannot and should not be hidden from them, and the identity of the father of her child is in that category.

Certainly I feel for the OP, but in her shoes my patience would be wearing thin and I would now be asserting my parental authority.

Poppy9

WelshBluebird wrote: »

Demanding to know who the father is will probably be no use, and being too forceful (which is clear what some people on here want) will only push the daughter away from the OP.

Really in the circumstances it's obvious the DD has already drifted away from the OP. This is a natural part of growing up but sometimes you have to give tough love. You have to be the parent. The law says she is a minor and common sense tells you she is minor. A minor needs a parent and yes she needs her support but in return she has to grow up and face the situation fully and show respect for her mother by being honest with her.

WelshBlueBird wrote:

The daughter has already said she doesn't want to say who it is.

Tough!! She's in a "grown up" predicament so has to face the music.

WelshBlueBird wrote:

I don't know about others here, but being just 21 myself, I know full well how teenagers react to unwanted pressure from their parents. And it is not the reaction the parents want. Being a bit more authoritative is fine, but you cannot force a teenager to tell you something they do not want to tell you.

I may be over twice your age but I still remember my teens and I still remember that sometimes I had to face the music and be honest with my mother, even though she was extremely strict. I had enough respect for her, regardless of our battles, to not blatently lie to her face and not to show her so little respect and gratitude for her unwavering love by leaving her to worry more.

I still remember my mother's constant comeback of "you want to be treated like and adult, then act like one". Strong parenting does not have to mean being threatening or agressive, it's about taking control when you need to be a parent.

I always knew my mother would love me whatever but I also knew she would "kill" me if I had come home pregnant. Her support would have followed after my "hammering" but sometimes you just know you have to accept that you are going to have to face the music. I have to admit I was more unnerved when she didn't come down hard on me, like when I owned upto smoking age 15.

gordikin

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Do you take everything so literally?

No...but unfortunately what has been said does happen and people should engage their brain before typing, that's my point.

gillypkk

another thought i just had. it would be advisable to get her a full STI screening coz certain ones can be passed onto baby during birth and need treated.

im in no way saying that she has been sleeping around but it only takes once to catch something (and indeed fall pregnant) and if the father is more "experienced" than she is you dont know who he has been with.

System

Not the same thing but i'm still terrified about my parent's reactions to certain things. They have no idea i smoke. I'm 24 but no chance i'm telling them as they'd practically disown me!

Alikay

poet123 wrote: »

Certainly I feel for the OP, but in her shoes my patience would be wearing thin and I would now be asserting my parental authority.

Me too. 14 weeks pregnant is getting a bit late in the day for acting all fey, not wanting to be rushed into a decision and keeping the father and circumstances a secret. It's happened, it's real and plans need to be made. She's had 4 weeks to drift around hoping it'll go away - time is a luxury she hasn't got.

GlasweJen

gordikin you are literally a muppet