Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Lunar_Eclipse

vax2002 wrote: »

This should have happened on day 1
It is called parenting.

There are many different approaches to parenting and thus 'this is what should have happened' is simply a matter of opinion and not a fact.

I wish some people would start writing 'I would do this ... consider that ... or how about this...' instead of 'this is what you should have done .. or should do.' We do not live in a dictatorship society.

pelirocco

savingmummy wrote: »

This is in the case of a medical termination ie, baby is deformed or no longer living BUT as a termination of pregnancy they do it under anaesthestic.

If you are having an early pregnancy abortion (6-14 weeks) your second visit will be the procedure. You should eat 2-3 hours before going in for the procedure. You will be given a sedative to ease your nerves and dull the pain. You will be offered NO2 to be self-administered during the procedure as you feel you need it. The doctor will slightly dilate your cervix in order to insert the cannula, a small straw like suction device. You may feel slight discomfort as the cervix is dilated or you may feel nothing at all. The doctor will then begin to suction out the pregnancy. You will not see any of the tissue but you will hear the equipment operating. You will feel some cramping during the suctioning, this cramping may be mild or severe. There is no way to predict how the cramping will be for you but you will be offered NO2 to help manage the pain. The suctioning itself lasts from 5-10 minutes. The cramping may last longer but usually stops with the suctioning. In rare cases cramps may last a few days, although they are no longer severe. A surgical abortion at 15-19 weeks is similar but much more involved and includes one extra visit prior to the surgery. At this visit the cervix will be opened using 3-4 osmotic dilators and you will be sent away for 24 hours. This is because the cervix must be opened wider in later term abortions and the dilators take 24 hours to work. Once the cervix is dilated the abortion is performed as described above only forceps may be needed to remove extra fetal tissue and the suctioning will last longer, 10-30 minutes. Cramping may be more severe as may your emmotional reaction to the procedure

vax2002

Lets put it another way, you plan for the worst and hope for the best.
Worse case scenario, the child refuses to tell who the father is as it is a much older adult who she is under fear of , she come home one day having had a back street abortion,or worse still goes missing all organised and sorted by this adult and heaven knows what happens next, but these things happen every day.
The best case scenario is its just a local boy, they all live happily ever after.
You need to establish the facts and plan accordingly.
Heads in sand wont work here, the child could be in very very serious danger, this needs to be established and if the parent can not do it then is it not better to call someone who can.
Or carry on regardless ?

viktory

Have to say, I thought the whole visit to the Doctor was a bit suspect and I was surprised that they merely gave her some leaflets and sent her on her way. Mind you, I was also surprised that someone would post something so personal on MSE

I have to say that finding out the circumstances of this pregnancy is absolutely key to how it will be handled. If it were the result of consensual sex, then it is really just a case of discussing how to deal with the consequences. If, however, it was the result of abuse then it needs to be treated very differently. Really, Poppy needs to get to the bottom of this - and fast.

gizmo111

Heads in sand wont work here, the child could be in very very serious danger, this needs to be established and if the parent can not do it then is it not better to call someone who can.

Like who - if she won't tell her parents then it is unlikely she will tell a stranger.
Social Services won't ask as at present there are no validated CP concerns just internet speculation and the police won't either for the same reasons.

poet123

For those who asked how you would get at the relevant information all I can say is how I would approach it, and how my mother would have approached it, which is to reiterate that she had my full support and love, but that now was the time to be open and honest to help us all (including her younger sisters) get through this in the best way possible.

I would use the well honed parental "look" and demeanor which would leave her in no doubt that I meant business.

However, the success or failure of this tack depends on your style of parenting, mine has always been;mother first, not friend, and if you haven't adopted that style of parenting from day one, unfortunately by this age it is too late, the mould cannot be broken. I would not have dreamed of not complying with my parents when they adopted this approach, and, up to now nor would any of my kids.

Only the OP knows whether if she took this approach her daughter would comply, but imo the time has come for answers, and quickly, unless the OP subconsciously wants the choices open to her daughter to diminish even more, which I am coming to suspect may be an issue.

shellsuit

I'm suprised the Doc didn't book her in for a scan, especially as she's 14 weeks along.

Depends where in the country the OP is though I suppose?

Welshdebtor

For the people suggesting call the police if she does not give her mother answers. I understand your points as with most things here until we know otherwise (or at least until the mother knows otherwise, as she is at no liberty to make sure she keeps us up to date) everything regarding the father is 50/50.

But the daughter does not have to tell her mum anything, she does not have to tell Social Services anything, and she does not have to tell the police anything. Nor can any of them force her into giving any details. The ball is in her court, unless some evidence under CP comes up from another source (not the daughter).

Any male could "get angry" if they suddenly find out they could be a father, regardless of age. I think people are reading too much into into this comment "he will get angry" and putting 2+2 together and getting 5. But obviously I do not know, it could be age related, or it could not. I do not know, you do not know and her mum does not know, and maybe it will be many years before anyone finds out. Nobody can make her (as detailed above) give details unless she wants to.

happy_but_skint

Hi OP I hope you managed to sleep.

While I agree you need to be tougher in order to identify the father, their could be a daft reason why she wont say such as she got carried away with a friends boyfriend or brother or her friend really likes the boy she slept with and she thinks she will lose her friends at the end of the day she is 15 and its silly things like this that could be making her clam up, I really hope for your daughters sake it is one of those.

I got myself pregnant at 15 and was lucky my parents supported me just as you are doing, they knew my boyfriend so that question never came up I had a missed abortion, I miscarried it was picked up at 5 months when I think back to that time it was the silly things that scared me not being pregnant/labour/birth. These things happen its not good but if she is to continue with the pregnancy she will need to find the maturity to tell you or before she knows it she will have a young child asking awkward questions.

glitter03

I have been reading this thread since the beginning but have not posted....i rarely do on these kinds of topics.

The longer the thread goes on, the more i disbelieve in this story for some reason. Not sure why.

The doctor's visit leaves big doubts for me as there are many things which would have happened at this visit which have not been mentioned. Other appointments would have been made for within the week after this visit too considering the age and how far along she is supposed to be.