Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Stephb1986_2

Could you not ask her friends if they know of anyone she's been with? It might narrow it down a little.

Steph xx

gillypkk

i just wanted to say what an amazing mum you are!! i was scared enough telling my mum i was pregnant at 20 and 23 and i was married and living abroad at the time!!!

its not going to be an easy road for any of you but your daugher is blessed to have suck a caring mother to look after her.

maybe you do have to be curel to be kind in one respect though. stress that you need to know who the father is as there are certain conditions etc... that can be passed onto the baby and the midwife will need to know his family history for the health of the baby. maybe this tactic will work better maybe not but thought it might be an idea if youhave exhausted everything else? only you know how your daugher will react to this.

Torry_Quine

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Could you not ask her friends if they know of anyone she's been with? It might narrow it down a little.

Steph xx

Not a good idea, they may put 2 + 2 together and work out why you are asking.

ampersand

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Not a good idea, they may put 2 + 2 together and work out why you are asking.

###########
...which will get back to your daughter without fail - and damage, if not fracture, such trust and love as has kept communication open so far.

Gillyx

I think pushing her to name the father could result her opting for an abortion, as she may see this as an easier way out and she'l never have to reveal who the father is, that is the worry here.

The fact she seemed so up for home schooling could indicate the father is a class mate or someone from school? Easier to avoid him if she's not there?

mountainofdebt

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I see what you're saying but I really think that going in all guns blazing may do more harm than good.

The OP is hardly going in all guns blazing and I don't think its unreasonable for the daughter to be at least open with her.

viktory

Poppy, I was under the impression you work full time? If I am correct in my assumption, how are you going to homeschool? Is this really the best decision for your child? You are planning on removing her from school, from her friends, take her out of the social circle she has and for what reason? Of course she has agreed to this, she is understandably scared of going back to school, of being the subject of gossip - but she needs to face this - not run away from it. So, ask yourself the question honestly - for whose benefit is your decision to home school? Is it for your daughter - or for you? Maybe you feel guilty you've not protected your child, but we can't protect them from everything - and if the sex was consensual (and going on the very flimsy information you've been given I think it was) it was HER decision and she needs to deal with the ramifications of that decision.

To be honest, I can see that you are trying to do your best, but have you not considered that the best thing for your daughter would be to actually make some decisions about the child she is carrying? I also think you are making a big mistake in keeping her off school, her life (and your life and that of your other children) needs to be as normal as possible - and she is supposed to be taking exams next year! Are you really able to give her the tuition she needs in order to give her the best chance of passing those exams in such a short period of time? I know you want to do the best for your child, and I also know my view will not be a popular one, given the level of unconditional support you are getting here, but I think you and your daughter need to stop with the self pity, tears and hugs and get to the bottom of the situation.

Torry_Quine

mountainofdebt wrote: »

The OP is hardly going in all guns blazing and I don't think its unreasonable for the daughter to be at least open with her.

I was replying to the poster who said that the OP should be tough in order to find out the father, I don't think she will though.

GlasweJen

shellsuit wrote: »

But look what would have happened if it had been you in her daughters shoes.

The OP is going about it in the right way.

Why would she want to go wading in, get angry and disown her daughter?

She has got the patience of a saint and is doing her best.

My mum's a battleaxe, I would have been dead but at least I know that after the lecture I would have been supported. I wouldn't have been calling all of the shots like drip feeding the details to poor worried mummy who is running about keeping me off school, making new education arrangements and making my favourite dinners. I would have been at school, giving her the full story and I would definitely not be getting pandered to like the OPs daughter.

It never happened, I can't have kids and I wasn't having sex at 15, my sister was pregnant at 17, she miscarried quite late on but she is still breathing and has 3 girls now.

Torry_Quine

GlasweJen wrote: »

My mum's a battleaxe, I would have been dead but at least I know that after the lecture I would have been supported. I wouldn't have been calling all of the shots like drip feeding the details to poor worried mummy who is running about keeping me off school, making new education arrangements and making my favourite dinners. I would have been at school, giving her the full story and I would definitely not be getting pandered to like the OPs daughter.

It never happened, I can't have kids and I wasn't having sex at 15, my sister was pregnant at 17, she miscarried quite late on but she is still breathing and has 3 girls now.

I think that's a little hard. She is hardly pandering to her merely trying to do what's best in a dificult situation.