Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

POPPYOSCAR

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. Art, that is a good point, it is very close to the holidays.

She'll be setting her exams in 2012.

I have spoken to her about homeschooling and she thinks that would be the best idea.

She just said to me, she wonders if getting an abortion would be the right thing to do, because she worries that if she has a baby, the baby will suffer, and she won't be a good mum. She doesn't want to rush into something but she said if she is getting an abortion she would rather it was sooner rather than later.

Thats a good sign that she is giving it considerable thought.

rachbc

I would save making any decisions about her education til after she has made a decision about her pregnancy. Right now she will be feeling scared, embarrassed, anxious etc etc and of course telling her she doesn't have to go to school and see/ tell anyone will be an appealing prospect - and of course I can understand why you would want to protect her from gossip and tittle tattle. However if she decides to continue with her pregnancy she simply cannot hide it forever. Being a young mum can be very socially isolating as it is - to remove her from a tight support network she seems to have in her peer group could be devastating to her confidence. Conversely if she has a termination - 'getting back to normal' as soon as possible (with support/ counseling if needed) can only be for the best. It is perfectly natural to want to protect your daughter after an experience like this but I worry that home educating her would not build her resilience or give her the skills she will need as a young mum to deal with the world.

Welshdebtor

And from what you have said during this thread, she shows a caring attitude etc to her younger sisters. Obviously a sister is different from your own child but I think it speaks volumes for her how she looks after her sisters and the reading to younger children at the reading club.

Alikay

poppyfield19 wrote: »

She just said to me, she wonders if getting an abortion would be the right thing to do, because she worries that if she has a baby, the baby will suffer, and she won't be a good mum. She doesn't want to rush into something but she said if she is getting an abortion she would rather it was sooner rather than later.

You also need to let her know that it's OK to opt for termination for her own wellbeing, not just the baby's. She may be playing about with the idea but feels guilty. Even at 15 teenagers talk amongst themselves hypothetically and debate such things as abortion. No-one knows the real implications until they're actually faced with an unplanned pregnancy.

I can remember being highly opinionated about "murdering unborn babies" as a schoolgirl (when anything other than a miraculous conception was impossible), but feeling very different 4 or 5 years later when faced with a late period.:o (luckily for me it was a false alarm!)

Beki88

poppyfield19 wrote: »

She just said to me, she wonders if getting an abortion would be the right thing to do, because she worries that if she has a baby, the baby will suffer, and she won't be a good mum. She doesn't want to rush into something but she said if she is getting an abortion she would rather it was sooner rather than later.

As one poster has said all mums worry about what kind of job they will do, as im sure fathers do too. What she needs to think about is what kind of life she wants, having a baby isnt the be all and end all but it does make things a lot harder. I know I keep referring to when I got pregnant and I do apologise, but I managed to do my GCSE's and then go back a year later to do my AS levels. It was very hard as at the time I just moved into my own place as well! I am not where I want to be yet but I will be. I found it very hard to cope financially, and had little support. A baby is for life so she needs to make sure she knows that she can't really take the decision back, she needs to realise that 2 3 4 however many years down the line she will still have a little person relying on her. On the other hand a termination is not something to be taken lightly either, some see it as the easier choice as it is supposedly shorter term but from experience this isnt true, but if its the right thing to do it can in some way ease the guilt (maybe not the right way to explain there). The good thing is she is thinking about her options and opening them up to you. If either you or her want to talk to me about either of my experiences please do PM me.
Sorry for the waffle as well, its a bit of an emotive subject for me, and there is so much I wish I could convey but its so hard to do so x

poppyfield19

Yes I fear that abortion would have a really bad effect on her. I'm definitely completely behind her if she decides that is right though.
If she keeps the baby, I'm again behind her and I know that her dad is too. She's spoken to him on the phone and she realises she has both of her parents support in this.

poppyfield19

Beki please don't apologise at all. I really appreciate that so many people have shared their experiences and stories - I've not been in the situation myself so it's good to hear from people that have if that makes sense.

The doctor did stress to her that abortion shouldn't be thought of as an easy way out. The baby might be gone but that doesn't mean it's over, and you have to think carefully before you do something like that.

How common is adoption nowadays? The doctor mentioned it, gave her a leaflet, but didn't talk as much about it. I just don't know if that would be really... worse for her, having a baby and then handing it over. I'm not sure that is the right thing for her and she hasn't mentioned it so I'm assuming she thinks the same.

I'm quite confident that if she does keep the baby she will still go on to do well even with a baby.

Plans_all_plans

poppyfield19 wrote: »

I'm quite confident that if she does keep the baby she will still go on to do well even with a baby.

Have you told her this?

Torry_Quine

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Yes I fear that abortion would have a really bad effect on her. I'm definitely completely behind her if she decides that is right though.
If she keeps the baby, I'm again behind her and I know that her dad is too. She's spoken to him on the phone and she realises she has both of her parents support in this.

The main thing is that she has both her parents supporting her in her decision. I think that keeping the lines of communication is the most important thing at this stage and I really hope that she gets te courage to tell you who the father is or at least enough to know if there is a problem.

You are doing really well and should be proud. :A

poppyfield19

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Have you told her this?

Yes - a few times.