Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

rachbc

Tish_P wrote: »

The common theme in this thread seems to be that the women with regrets and guilt - whether that's about adoption, abortion or early motherhood - are the ones who were pushed into a decision that wasn't the one their heart would have taken. Your daughter won't be like that as you have kept the pressure off her and are encouraging her to take her own choice. So don't stress about what-ifs: whatever she chooses will be the right course of action long-term, pretty much by definition.

Absolutely would thank this twice if I could!

mumps

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

That's the voice of the post AIDS generation and shows your lack of understanding of the past. STIs weren't that common then (even with multiple partners) and were easily dealt with by a visit to the "clap clinic" and a course of antibiotics.

A friend of mine worked at a Catholic home for orphaned/unwanted teenage girls, her first job of the week was a trip to the clap clinic every Monday morning. I never went there myself but she told me it was a very busy place, hours waiting around feeling like she was someone's granny, she must have been in her early 20's at the time but she assured me she felt old compared to most of the clients. That was the late 60's so I think STI's were quite common.

By the way my pill baby is 39.

Errata

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Yes I fear that abortion would have a really bad effect on her.

That's a fear best kept to yourself. If you want the best for her you can do that by being emotionally neutral and unbiased about all the options she has to consider in order to make her decision.

Caliendo

Oh god Poppy I really sympathise. My absolute best wishes to you both, but you're a better woman than me. I'd be snooping in her phone and emails by now. My terror about "he'll be angry" would overtake me. I'm so glad you're taking it day by day. I'm about to be a mum so it's definitely time for me to start taking inspiration from mums like you. :T

Some of my friends had really hard line parents when we were growing up and they were the ones whose kids wouldn't call them for help if they were in a dangerous situation, and of course their parents never knew about drug dealer boyfriends, abortions and visits to the clinic.

I'd always rather know what's going on with my child than scare them into shutting me out of their life.

I think softly softly is the right way to go, you're doing the best thing. I just wish she'd tell you everything. You must be going out of your mind a little bit.

Could you get her to write it down?

4nnabella

poppyfield19 wrote: »

I'm just so worried about her. I suppose that is normal isn't it, but she isn't ever very emotional. She is usually really strong, but a couple of times, tiny things will make her cry. She dropped a glass earlier and that made her cry. Just small things.

I know this was posted some time ago but I just wanted to say, don't forget how her hormones are going to be affecting her right now! I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant and my mood swings are all over the place, and the smallest thing can set me off crying sometimes.

I know there are other factors involved, your daughter is going through something incredibly stressful and you are being very supportive, both you and her father, and I hope your daughter manages to tell you the truth soon.

joeyp

Read this entire thread today (took several hours ) and just want to say that Poppy you sound like an amazing, patient mum!!

My 2 daughters are 18 & 14 and I truly hope if the 14 year old was to get pregnant, I would be able to handle it as well as you seem to be.

I think the nasty comments on here questioning you parenting etc. are just meant to provoke and are best ignored.

I am a pretty laid back parent - until they really take the p1ss!! - and my eldest came to me when she was nearly 16 and said that her and her boyfriend of 12 months were considering sleeping together (he was the same age). Now, of course, I could have hit the roof, screamed and shouted and told her no way, but she'd have only gone and done it anyway (I don't care how good or bad a parent you are, if they are going to have sex, they will!) So,instead I sat her down and talked to her about contraception etc. and made she she knew how to be safe.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that, I believe if I was a control freak of a Mum she would have gone behind my back anyway and I was so proud of her for coming to me first

I hope it all works out for you and your DD - whichever is best.

xxxxx

Caliendo

mumps wrote: »

A friend of mine worked at a Catholic home for orphaned/unwanted teenage girls, her first job of the week was a trip to the clap clinic every Monday morning. I never went there myself but she told me it was a very busy place, hours waiting around feeling like she was someone's granny, she must have been in her early 20's at the time but she assured me she felt old compared to most of the clients. That was the late 60's so I think STI's were quite common.

By the way my pill baby is 39.

One of my relatives died of syphilis in the 1940s.

My great great aunt was actually just my great aunt. (My Dad's grandparents brought up an out of wedlock baby as one of their own rather than their grandchild.)

They had special places for unwed mothers too didn't they?

People act like it never went on, but I think people were just more secretive about it. I didn't know until recently that my aunt was raped as a very young woman in the and never worked again or had a husband and a family. She just stayed at home with my grandparents and shut herself away from the world out of shame. Nobody ever spoke about it so I didn't find out until after she died.

Sorry for goingh off topic, but I'm very glad that people can speak about these things nowadays.

GlasweJen

OP, you're doing fab but I think if you're seriously worried about who the father is you need to get tougher with your daughter. My parents would have killed me if I walked in pregnant at 15, I would have been chewed up and spat out again for having the audacity to tell them over the phone and then to refuse to even tell them who the father is, well I would have been disowned (for the deceit, not the pregnancy).

Fact is your 15 year old daughter is pregnant and has no boyfriend, you should be calling the shots here and not her.

Torry_Quine

GlasweJen wrote: »

OP, you're doing fab but I think if you're seriously worried about who the father is you need to get tougher with your daughter. My parents would have killed me if I walked in pregnant at 15, I would have been chewed up and spat out again for having the audacity to tell them over the phone and then to refuse to even tell them who the father is, well I would have been disowned (for the deceit, not the pregnancy).

Fact is your 15 year old daughter is pregnant and has no boyfriend, you should be calling the shots here and not her.

I see what you're saying but I really think that going in all guns blazing may do more harm than good.

shellsuit

GlasweJen wrote: »

OP, you're doing fab but I think if you're seriously worried about who the father is you need to get tougher with your daughter. My parents would have killed me if I walked in pregnant at 15, I would have been chewed up and spat out again for having the audacity to tell them over the phone and then to refuse to even tell them who the father is, well I would have been disowned (for the deceit, not the pregnancy).

Fact is your 15 year old daughter is pregnant and has no boyfriend, you should be calling the shots here and not her.

But look what would have happened if it had been you in her daughters shoes.

The OP is going about it in the right way.

Why would she want to go wading in, get angry and disown her daughter?

She has got the patience of a saint and is doing her best.