Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

poppyfield19

The only time she's out "alone" is when she walks the dogs. The reading club, it's not a friend she goes with, but I really don't think that's likely, considering there are always other pupils there.

PasturesNew

poppyfield19 wrote: »

The only time she's out "alone" is when she walks the dogs. The reading club, it's not a friend she goes with, but I really don't think that's likely, considering there are always other pupils there.

It's easy to slip in a quickie when you're walking dogs, especially if that's done in the countryside/near a park. It only takes 10 minutes. Tops. Probably 3 minutes in some cases.

jackieglasgow

poppy, I am sory to hear your daughter is having to go through all of this, at her age. Unlike everyone else though, I feel its wrong to try so hard to push her into telling you, it sounds as if its just making her even more fearful of saying anything, either through shame, embarrassment, or fear. You've only known for four days or so that she is pregnant, and she will have known for what, eight or nine weeks probably - and it took her that long to tell you about it. I would sit her down, tell her that you won't put any pressure on her to tell you whom the father is at the moment, until she has decided what she is going to do, but that as her mother, you have a right to know in time, to make sure that your grandchild's father faces up to the responsibility of fathering a child. You will know that you mean if she was taken advantage of, or worse, but she may not think that, and just be thinking about financially looking after the child, etc. I think she just needs time to get her courage up to let the extra information out. Good luck to you and your family, I hope she manages to get through this.

poet123

I honestly don't know how you're keeping yourself together through all this uncertainty. I admire your restraint, I would hope I would behave similarly, but fear that I would be pushier in my quest to find out the detail.

I, personally, would not tell the school at this stage, because if she decides to terminate I suspect she will want as few people knowing about it as is possible. Only if she decides to continue with the pregnancy would I approach the school.

donnap83

PasturesNew wrote: »

It's easy to slip in a quickie when you're walking dogs, especially if that's done in the countryside/near a park. It only takes 10 minutes. Tops. Probably 3 minutes in some cases.

Shouldn't laugh at that, cos the situation isn't funny, but, :rotfl:

I hope you find out who the father is soon though, it must be so hard not knowing. Good luck x

nicter

I would have thought if OPs daughter had been a victim to unwanted sexual attention she would want to terminae the pregnancy asap so hopefuly this was a youngster. Hugs to you poppy x

POPPYOSCAR

Pollycat wrote: »

Is it just me who is uncomfortable with all the speculation of who the possible father could be and the circumstances surrounding this girls' pregnancy - including whether she was forced or not.

I think the OP is doing a great job in dealing with this and can totally understand why she is so keen to find this out but I'm not sure all this talk about friend's brother(s), teachers, strangers etc as potential fathers is helping.
I'm sure the OP's imagination is running riot over this as it is.

poppyfield19, I do hope your daughter opens up to you in the near future.

No Pollycat you are not the only one, there are a some of us who think the dust should settle for a few days and no pressure put on her at this moment in time.

Welshdebtor

nicter wrote: »

I would have thought if OPs daughter had been a victim to unwanted sexual attention she would want to terminae the pregnancy asap so hopefuly this was a youngster. Hugs to you poppy x

I was thinking that as well, but know girls who have been assaulted and keep the baby.As I type that one famous person springs to mind. If you watch Benidorm on ITV, Crissy Rock who plays the Scouse Hotel Manager (think that is her job in the hotel, hopefully you know who I mean). She was assaulted when she was 15 and kept the baby.

Again I repeat we do not know, so I am not speculating this has happened to the girl concerned.

Saturnalia

poppyfield19 wrote: »

The only time she's out "alone" is when she walks the dogs. The reading club, it's not a friend she goes with, but I really don't think that's likely, considering there are always other pupils there.

It struck me here, could she have skived school or sneaked out at lunch to spend time with a boy and be worried about getting into more trouble for doing that?

Do you think it might help her open up if you told her that nothing she tells you about the father, the conception, their relationship etc. will lead to any punishment regardless of anything she's done wrong?

Errata

Poppy - I'm not going to say you're a good mum because I don't know if you are or not, all I know is that you haven't read the riot act to your daughter and kicked her out.
I hope you can make your daughter understand that when she goes back to school next week her friends will want to know what was wrong with her so a made up illness had better be watertight. She will be showing a few weeks after that and will be questioned by her friends and gossiped about by other pupils. They will all tell their mums about it, who will hold your daughter up as a good example of what happens when things go wrong. You need to tell the school about her pregnancy before she goes back. You also need to be prepared to be gossiped about.
Your life has now changed irrevocably, as will the lives of your youngest daughters if the pregnancy goes to term. A great deal of honesty, openess, love, support and respect will be needed by and from everyone in the family.
At the moment your daughter wants the jam and the jelly as well. It may be time for some tough love from you, which is always the hardest part of being a good mum.