Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

vandanfc

Poppy could you ask her why she thinks that male involved would be angry ? If she answers that it might give some clues ??

gingin_2

anothergymslipmum wrote: »

Gingin, I have shared my one bad experience to try to show how damaging adoption can be. It's not naive, and I don't thank you for your rather patronising remark. It cost me quite a lot to post it and did so because I want to help Poppyfield avoid a great deal of heartache for her and her DD.

I don't think your advice to me is relevant to Poppyfield 19 so hope no-one diverts the thread away from Poppyfield's dilemma by continuing to advise me.

I apologise if it came across as patronising, anothergymslipmum, it certainly was not my intention. I do, however, stand by what I said.

I'll leave it be now.

Good luck.

Frugalista

adouglasmhor wrote: »

The girls father has already been told. and you are so !!!!!! kids on the special bus point at you and shout "retard"

That is disgusting :mad:.

peachyprice

:oSorry, didn't see the blanked out bit

POPPYOSCAR

Frugalista wrote: »

That is disgusting :mad:.

And gets the desired reaction.


(Do not feed the trolls!!!)

Elle7

Hmm...you said she likes to write, could you write to her?

My sister found it very difficult to tell me things at 14, so we'd write to each other. She'd bring it down and leave it on the sofa, then go to her room. Then I'd take it back up with a response. She said it helped her knowing the reaction would be private, and she found it easier to say what she needed too.

Maybe you could try that? Otherwise, you've done a great job. It's a difficult situation, but you've handled it really well, and it's inspirational. I've got my fingers crossed everything works out in the best way, whatever that may be.

Lunar_Eclipse

Re: finding about more about the conception.

Personally, I would just keep talking to your daughter. I honestly think it will come out in good time. I would absolutely not mention it to any of her friends or their parents. Approaching the school without discussing the situation explicitly is a good suggestion worth pursuing, although I doubt it will provide any answers.

Explain to her how much the 'not knowing' is eating you up inside. Could you find a metaphor to use that she might understand? I honestly think if she understood why you want to know, she would tell you. She might just be feeling really embarrassed. Tell her you are sick with worry, because you are (naturally) assuming the worst now and with every thought, your assumptions get worse and you are concerned for her.

I would not go down the 'you're going to have to tell me at some point so let's get it over with now', because in reality, she never, ever has to tell a soul. That probably wouldn't be good for her mental health longer term (& for other reasons), but it is a fact. If this continues for much longer, I might say something along the lines of how you're assuming the worst has happened and you feel obligated to contact the Police (which you might not do otherwise) and hand over a name of suspects or inform them it was a crime by a stranger. Having typed that, I'm not comfortable with that in the slightest, it feels like bullying although I'm sure it wouldn't if handled well, but you need to put her future safety first, along with that of a growing fetus.

Being pragmatic, there are really only a few options as to who the father is, all of which were either consensual or non-consensual. I would probably therefore try to ascertain which category we're in first. If she says 'consensual', you could respond with a 'well thank goodness for that' type reply and go from there. Nothing OTT though because it could still have been with someone much older and/or in a position of authority, such as a teacher, but you would be relieved that she presumably wasn't hurt.

If she admits the latter and can't discuss it with you, perhaps respond with some (very emotional) physical body language followed by a 'would you like to talk to the Police?' Personally, I get the feeling it was consensual, but just typing some options as to handling her.

sb44

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Oh that is so sad.....Hope your daughter is ok.

She seems fine but a few of them are having counseling which is no surprise.

I won't be putting anymore comments on about it as I don't want to detract from the original post, so please don't think I am being ignorant folks, I just wanted to make a point of saying things could be worse.

I will just click the thanks button instead.

maryotuam

Is it someone you know and she is protecting you from the extra upset to you that the knowledge will cause? I would take a rest from asking her for a few days to lessen her awful stress and give her an opportunity to thnk everything through.

adouglasmhor

Frugalista wrote: »

That is disgusting :mad:.

Why, I find the attention speaking of the troll I was replying to disgusting and I replied appropriately.

If the word !!!!!! is disgusting how is using a word for mental illness to show anger as you have done appropriate?