Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Alikay

Regarding the dates, if she's 14 weeks pregnant she'll have conceived 12 weeks ago (first 2 weeks of "pregnancy" are the 2 weeks following first day of last period). So "the deed" would have happened around the last weekend in March, when the clocks went forward.

I really hope it was something she wanted to do at the time .

carolan78

lol I forgot to take that ino account Alikay

mr_knight

I've been reading through this thread. It is concerning she won't tell you. I'm sorry if I have missed something but have you tried saying why you want to know.

I don't know maybe: "I need to know who the day is because I'm really concerned..... I don't know if you wanted to have sex with this person or if they made you...... If you would tell me at least we can deal with it together".

I'm not great at advice but you get the idea.

If not I'd ring her school. You don't have to tell them why but maybe speak with her form tutor or head of year.

Good luck.

gingin_2

anothergymslipmum wrote: »

About her options: my child was adopted. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and strongly advise you not to allow her to consider this path. In those days, adoption was my only choice. My parents disowned me, the father’s parents were vile to me and my older siblings wanted nothing to do with me. Only one person was kind towards me and this person was not in a position to help in any practical way.


Adoption in my experience is a brutal and barbaric practice and has no place in a tolerant society. Thank goodness times have changed to the extent that ‘naughty’ girls are no longer forced to give up their child.

.

Whilst I respect the fact that you signed up to write your first post, I do feel the above is a pretty naive and one sided opinion. You are giving serious advice based on your one bad experience to a family who are very vulnerable at the moment. Adoption can be a wonderful thing with willing consent from the birth mother and support from those around her.

There is real sadness about your post and I hope you have had, or will consider counselling for what sounds like a very traumatic time.

Frugalista

atush wrote: »

he needs to be called to account before he takes advantage of another young girl.

You are assuming that she is entirely innocent then?

anothergymslipmum wrote: »

She may have seduced the father.

Quite.

POPPYOSCAR

anothergymslipmum wrote: »

Poppyfield19, you're a great mum and please try not beat yourself up.

I’m another one who got pregnant at 15. I hid it from everyone, except my best friend and the father, for over 5 months.

Poppy, you need to have an open mind about circumstances of the conception and not make suggestions to your DD about your thoughts and concerns. Don’t put words into her mouth by suggesting who it might be. When I became pregnant I considered blaming an innocent boy who I had met abroad on holiday I order to spare my boyfriend the wrath of his parents and possibly the Police. People reading this, please try to understand the absolute desolation that goes with being pregnant at 15.


She may have seduced the father. Shocking thought but girls are often more sexually mature than boys of the same age. In my case, I was certainly more advanced than my boyfriend of 16. Perhaps she wanted to experiment with sex. Perhaps she thought she was in love. Any of these are possible reasons why she is pregnant.

I think if she had been subjected to some coercion or abuse by an older male then you would have noticed a change in her behaviour at the time.

About her options: my child was adopted. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and strongly advise you not to allow her to consider this path. In those days, adoption was my only choice. My parents disowned me, the father’s parents were vile to me and my older siblings wanted nothing to do with me. Only one person was kind towards me and this person was not in a position to help in any practical way.


Adoption in my experience is a brutal and barbaric practice and has no place in a tolerant society. Thank goodness times have changed to the extent that ‘naughty’ girls are no longer forced to give up their child.

I have suffered badly all of my life from the mistake I made at 15 by having unprotected sex. I take responsibility for making that mistake and do not blame anyone else for it but I have paid a high price.

Part of my suffering made me never to want another child except the one I gave away. I underwent an abortion in my twenties because I felt I could not love another child as I had loved the one who was adopted.

Of the two, the abortion was much easier to come to terms with than the adoption.

I feel incredibly guilty about the bad things I have done in my life and all of it stems from getting pregnant at 15. It was stupid and I knew at the time it was stupid. If I could re-run my life this is the one thing I would do differently.

I learned a very hard lesson at 15 and it gladdens my heart that you are so supportive of your DD.

Why do you feel so guilty? I have two adopted cousins and they have made my aunt and uncle so very happy and they have all had a wonderful life, so you should not feel guilty at all- you have in your way done some good.

Triker

Poppyfield, I too have followed your thread and want to commend you for your considered and calm approach.

One aspect that is clearly tearing you to pieces is needing to know whether someone has taken advantage of your daughter or if the act that's resulted in the pregnancy was consensual.

It sometimes helps in times like these to have a third, neutral if possible, person to ask your daughter these questions.

Something along the lines of, 'People are very worried about you, there is nothing that cannot be sorted but firstly those that care about you need to know that you are safe and that no-one has co-erced you into doing something you weren't sure of. Whatever the answer is, please be aware that unless you say so, no one will take any action whatsoever....unless its around protecting you in the future.'

Good luck for the future days and weeks.

anothergymslipmum

Gingin, I have shared my one bad experience to try to show how damaging adoption can be. It's not naive, and I don't thank you for your rather patronising remark. It cost me quite a lot to post it and did so because I want to help Poppyfield avoid a great deal of heartache for her and her DD.

I don't think your advice to me is relevant to Poppyfield 19 so hope no-one diverts the thread away from Poppyfield's dilemma by continuing to advise me.

adouglasmhor

Welshdebtor wrote: »

Social Security as said by others, will become involved/be made aware as she is under 16. Though more often than not nothing is done unless they suspect something, if they do the police may become involved. Even through all this she does not have to give names etc. But her reluctance to give details could make SS's involvement longer/bigger than she wants/needs. I say this stressing the "may's" and "could's'"

I think at present especially given the limited time, she needs to concentrate on deciding what to do next before you try and get the name/age out of her. Whether the father is 15,16,24,33, or 54 she still needs to decide whether she wants the baby or not. Hope that makes sense. Guess what I mean is do not make it too much of a priority to get the age out of her soon .

Edit - then again if the father is of suitable age then maybe he has a right to know asap of her situation and plans. It's a hard one.

Maybe she find it easier to tell an outsider such in one of the groups she is considering for 1-1 sessions. However if she goes and tells this person that the father is alot older, is that person duty bound to pass it on or keep it confidential? I would hope it would be passed on. Or even fathers age aside, could she tell the person during a 1-1 session and for you to never know???? Which will leave you worrying.

I think you mean social services Siadwell. Social Security is benefits.

adouglasmhor

vax2002 wrote: »

The longer you keep it from her father the more annoyed he will be.

The girls father has already been told. and you are so !!!!!! kids on the special bus point at you and shout "retard"