Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

shellsuit

Tell her that you're going to end up ill with all the worry if she doesn't tell you and that it's better if she tells you sooner than later. I know it's not nice to make her feel guilty, but what else can you do? x

Plans_all_plans

I wouldn't speak to her friends/their parents until she has decided what she's going to do about the baby.

I would confront this head on now "No-one will be angry with you: not me, not the baby's father, not the school, your friends or ANYONE. But I need to know who the father is, just so I know you are safe. If you don't know who he is, because you have been with more than one person or you only just met him, I still need to know, and I won't think any differently of you. You can't just not tell me anything. I am your mum and I am out of my mind with worry. Please tell me." How do you think she would react to that?

pigpen

shellsuit wrote: »

It's a puzzle, but one that does need solving ASAP.

Why not try something like "sweetheart, I know you don't want to say who the Dad is, but you are going to have to tell someone, so wouldn't you rather that person was me? I love you and I am here for you no matter what, so please trust me and tell me, as I won't think bad of you at all. I just need to know so I know so I can help you"?

And maybe reassure her you will not contact him or his family without her prior consent because you respect her privacy etc

RAS

Hi

Maybe you need to explain that if she keeps the baby, the child has a right to know who its father is.

And that even if she never has any sort of direct personal relationship with him again, she will always have to maintain a mature and sensible relationship with the father of her child, for the rest of her life; much as you do with her dad since you split. That is part of being a single parent these days.

When he finds out she is pregnant, does she think is it likely that he will come forward? Or try to hide? And what would he want in terms of continuing or not continuing the pregnancy? Is it really fair to exclude him from the discussion?

poppyfield19

Probably not much.
And at the moment, I do feel sick with worry for her.
Signing off right now, going to take her out.
Thank you for the replies x

too_much_debt

Hi. I've been following your thread and am so glad that you are behind your daughter 100%, she is lucky to have you for a mum.

Can you ask her questions like, is it a teacher, is it the brother of a friend, is it someone from the book club, is it another teenager, is it an adult, she might be quick to say no if it's not a teacher etc but might go quiet and cry if you get the right one. I get a bad feeling that she won't tell.

I really hope she tells you soon.

ellas9602

Hi Poppy
I'm another who had a baby at 15. I've been reading from the start and think everything you are doing is brilliant, I don't think you could be dealing with this any better.
My DD is now 15 herself and my strategy for talking about difficult things is to do it in the car so even if the weather is bad maybe you could still take a drive? The other thing I do is to ask yes and no questions where she can just nod or shake her head, much easier for them than having to say the words, especially if she's embarrased. I wouldn't have liked it for my mum to speak with school or friends, not at this stage.
Good luck x

poppyfield19

The reason I'm a bit wary of saying the child deserves him in his/her life if you continue the pregnancy, is I don't know who he is, or what has happened, I don't know if that would be the best thing to say?

I'll definitely not start phoning people until she knows that's what I plan on doing. Maybe that would be enough to get her to open up, to be honest phoning the school isn't my first option, I would rather she would just open up a bit.

PlansAllPlans, thank you. I will let you all know how I get on with her

mrs_marty

I think you are being terribly patient over the Dad issue, and think many of us would have snapped way before now. Like other's I wondered if it was on of the brothers who had maybe used the line of you tell anyone and I will deny it, with him being older in the school?

Hope you can get it out of her, sooner rather than later, as it must be eating both of you up

x

vax2002

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Will try something along those lines. I'm getting upset over this now, I don't know why she won't just say. It's worrying - very.

Indeed it is.
The time will arrive when you may have to look at other possibilities of what has happened, placing heads in the sand will not help.
You need to sit her down with YOUR worst fears, if they are unfounded, she has an opportunity to tell you so.
I would need to know if the worst has happened, they are children and as adults we must protect them. heaven forbid something really bad has happened and it happens again and you could have stopped it.