Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

LittleMissMPB

Poppy - you are doing an amazing job. That's pretty much all I wanted to say, I think all the other posts have it pretty much all covered. Wishing you all the best and hoping that she makes the right decision for her.

(P.S if you need to have a 'friend' who has been through a 'late' abortion if she needs any support on that front - well 16weeks- and she wants to talk about it with someone who has been there, send me a PM and I'll give you my e-mail address, won't give any opinions unless asked, just the facts) - not assuming that will be her choice, but the offer is there.

Lunar_Eclipse

Hope today brings some clarity and peace of mind to you about the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy. The last few pages have brought tears to my eyes because it is obvious that your daughter is (understandably) scared. I also have my fingers crossed that it was a consensual accident.

I think you are absolutely right in trying to find out how she became pregnant. A couple of thoughts: perhaps it would help to reassure her about your motives and what could happen in various scenarios (she might be worrying about an unknown roller coaster effect/causing trouble.)

Also, she needs to be told that you will support and protect her no matter what and that regardless of what happened, she will not get in any trouble for it. Oh and maybe the most important: that you will believe her. I'm sorry to be typing any of this, because obviously it's not related to the best circumstances, but I know you've already thought the worst, so I opted for the 'brave but potentially helpful' approach.

Thinking of you and sharing your pain. xxx

POPPYOSCAR

sb44 wrote: »

I am also one of those that has been following this thread and I am sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks after reading this post.

A classmate of my daughter's was killed a week ago, the one hit by a bus outside the school gates last week in North Staffs, she was 12. Luckily my daughter had forgotten something and went back for it so wasn't with the small group when her friend went under the bus. I dread to think what those other kids are going through after seeing that.

So, as people have said, you could be experiencing something a lot worse although it won't feel like that at the minute.

There but for the grace of God................

I will be thinking of you Poppy and your daughter and wish you all the very best.

x

Oh that is so sad.....Hope your daughter is ok.

poppyfield19

Thanks for your posts.... sb44, that's really horredous.

poppyfield19

Still no further forward with the father situation.

I have tried getting her to talk, but she just won't. She will just turn away and look teary, and say nothing. I've told her how worried I am, she just says that's she's sorry. I've told her I really need to know, again she'll just turn away or look down.

The weather hasn't been kind to us so going to the beach to talk to her is out, but just heading out to a cafe to get something to eat with her. She doesn't feel very well today, but I think it's mostly that she's just upset and that's making her feel a bit worse.

I hope nobody thinks I'm being a bad parent by not getting anything out of her yet.

shellsuit

Have you asked her why she won't tell you? x

poppyfield19

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

You often give such balanced or matter-of-fact advice/comment that I'm wondering what is driving your recent posts.

Some of us believe that bad things happen to good people (including those with good heads on their shoulders) and since the OP has clearly stated, on more than one occasion, that she doesn't know anything surrounding the circumstances to this pregnancy, we should try not to make assumptions about her daughter's character.

This pregnancy could be the result of non consensual sex. It could be the result of a horrific act of violence on a minor (sorry to type this OP, but I'm incensed.) It's not likely, but it's possible, so please cut the judgment.

You are making assumptions. They may be right, but equally, they might not be. I find comments like these very insensitive to the OP. I just don't understand this line of thought you're going down; it is so incredibly opinionated, potentially hurtful and offensive.

Thank you for posting this. Some posts have been hurtful, because I feel as if a few people have judged her and even I, her mum, doesn't know the full situation.

poppyfield19

shellsuit wrote: »

Have you asked her why she won't tell you? x

I did, she did the same - shrugged, looked down.

LittleMissMPB

I think you would only be a bad parent if you didn't care. I'm sure no-one thinks you are a bad parent. Would it be worth suggesting that your daughter gets some counselling? That way she can talk about her options some more with someone not 'involved' and may open up to someone who's not involved about the father situation.

You may have done this already, but is it worth telling her that you don't care if you find out who the father is or not at this stage, but that you just want to know if she 'wanted' to have sex? (I say wanted, as consenting and wanting can be two different things if you are pressured into it)

shellsuit

poppyfield19 wrote: »

I did, she did the same - shrugged, looked down.

Oh dear, doesn't sound too good does it?

Maybe ask her why she never confided in any of her friends?

I'm wondering whether it could possibly be one of the friends brothers and that's why she is reluclant to tell her friends, or tell you who he is?

See, if she decides to keep the baby, there will be form filling in to do at the hospital and they do ask questions about the Father, as in maternal and paternal family health.

Maybe talk to her about that and see if she says anything?

There are only 2 people who know who he is, and that's her and him.

Has she still been seeing the friend with the brothers?

Did you have a think about what she could have been upto over half term?

I do honestly hope it's nothing sinister at all xx