Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

stejobeth

I've been following this thread since Saturday and I too think you are handling it well. I've got a 15 year old daughter and can imagine what you are going through.

When I was 15 one of my school friends got pregnant and didn't tell her parents she made us promise not to tell . By the time she was about 7 months pregnant and had lost so much weight through worrying that she was making herself ill. In the end 3 of us told a teacher and she phoned her parents. I'll always remember her mum and dad coming into the room and just holding her and crying. They were more devastated by the fact she thought she couldn't go to them.

I'm 40 now and that image has stuck with me ever since. I like to think that my daughter could come to us with any problem she has. I've always told her that there will be times when we don't agree with or like what she has done but we will always love and support her.

I hope today goes ok and I'm thinking of you

POPPYOSCAR

Poppyfield, gave my daughter an extra big hug this morning as she went off to school and I was thinking of you and yours.

Hope you both have a good day.

Errata

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thanks ailuro - that's a good idea, there's a beach 10 minutes drive from us actually, that might be a good idea, thanks.

Sounds like a plan.
She's 14 weeks so you think she might have become pregnant at half term. As far as you know she didn't, and doesn't, have a boyfriend. Clearly she was having a relationship with someone before half term, and may have been having sex with them for a while before she became pregnant, and for a while afterwards until she knew she was.
The alternative to this is that she wasn't in any relationship had sex once with some male and became pregnant.
She's clearly very upset about disclosing who the father is. If I were in your shoes I would be very, very worried about that. She's told you that the father would be very angry if she told anyone who he is. How does she know that unless she's already told him she's pregnant, he's the father, and he's warned her off telling anyone, or else he'll go postal?

Blue_Monkey

Hi Poppy,

I think you've done a great job so far in terms of keeping yourself together and being just what your daughter needs. What a lovely mum you are

mommame wrote: »

Hi Poppy I think you have been amazing with all this but I too am a little concerned that she has told nobody at all about the pregnancy as the first thing any teenage girl would do is confide to one of the friends along the lines"what am I going to do I think I'm pregnant and it's xs will you come and get a test with me " bla bla.
The fact that she has not even done that suggests the relationship had to be kept a secret and she may not think she was" forced" and was maybe coerced,cajoled into it by someone older.

The bit in bold did strike a chord with me too - I deffo would've told at least one friend about it if this had happened to me at 15... In fact me and my friends used to joke that if we'd done something so 'bad' that we couldn't tell our best friends, then we know it was really bad.... I'm not saying this to imply that something sinister has happened to your daughter, and I seriously hope it hasn't... And I know you've said that you are just as keen to find out who the man involved is as the next person....

clifton176 wrote: »

Hi sympathy from a male single parent. When my son was 14 he told me he was staying at a friends in the next street which I confirmed by phone but later on by intuitive detective work ( I have my moles) at about 12am I discovered he had sneaked off to the local woods camping with a group of 20 other kids guys and gals.On another occasion when I took my kids and 4 nices and nephews to a caravan holiday,I only discovered ( again through my moles,there are always moles you just have to find them) a week later that while I was asleep in the day room, kids in the three bedrooms,my niece was hanging out the bedroom window "talking" (note the inverted commas) to a lad she had met in the clubhouse earlier ! You have to be as crafty as the kids because boy are they crafty I know because I used to be one !

This was pretty much me at 15 I would tell my parents I was going to one place and then go to another for fear they wouldn't let me out if I told them the truth (and believe it or not I had a pretty good relationship with them)... I think the pinnacle of my horridness was when a friend and I told our parents we were going to stay with some girls we'd met in Tenerife who were older and worked out there who we'd met there on a previous family holiday... Trouble is we'd already booked our flights and we never got a letter back from the girls who said we could stay with them. So we went anyway - with nowhere to stay :eek: We even faked a letter from these girls saying it was fine for us to stay :eek: I can't believe we were so unbelievably stupid and disrespectful to our parents. Thanks GOD nothing happened to us whilst we were there, and some very friendly (and decent, no funny business) Scottish lads let us stay with them for the week. It makes me want to cry thinking about how awful I was and I hope to god my children have more faith in me and aren't so bloody stupid... Anyway, sorry I'm going off tangent now, but I guess I'm agreeing with Clifton in that teenagers can be sneaky and I sincerly hope your daughter is not as crafty as I was From what you say it sounds like she is a far nicer girl than I ever was (but I cringe to think how proud my mum was of me and how shocked she would be now if she knew half the stuff we got up to....)

I'll shut up now, as I fear my post isn't helping...

Take it easy and look after yourself, BM x

whitewing

She may be more scared of the father's parents than the father being angry.

Thinking of you both today.

adouglasmhor

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

If you object to people's posts you should report them to Abuse, although I don't think these comments really warrant it. MSE is an unmoderated forum, you know.

Calling an innocent person a criminal is abuse by defamation, by any definition.

sb44

stejobeth wrote: »

I've been following this thread since Saturday and I too think you are handling it well. I've got a 15 year old daughter and can imagine what you are going through.

When I was 15 one of my school friends got pregnant and didn't tell her parents she made us promise not to tell . By the time she was about 7 months pregnant and had lost so much weight through worrying that she was making herself ill. In the end 3 of us told a teacher and she phoned her parents. I'll always remember her mum and dad coming into the room and just holding her and crying. They were more devastated by the fact she thought she couldn't go to them.

I'm 40 now and that image has stuck with me ever since. I like to think that my daughter could come to us with any problem she has. I've always told her that there will be times when we don't agree with or like what she has done but we will always love and support her.

I hope today goes ok and I'm thinking of you

I am also one of those that has been following this thread and I am sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks after reading this post.

A classmate of my daughter's was killed a week ago, the one hit by a bus outside the school gates last week in North Staffs, she was 12. Luckily my daughter had forgotten something and went back for it so wasn't with the small group when her friend went under the bus. I dread to think what those other kids are going through after seeing that.

So, as people have said, you could be experiencing something a lot worse although it won't feel like that at the minute.

There but for the grace of God................

I will be thinking of you Poppy and your daughter and wish you all the very best.

x

Lunar_Eclipse

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I was answering another poster who said that your daughter must have " a good head on her shoulders". I'm sure she's absolutely delightful but you really cannot describe a girl of 15 (especially without a boyfriend) who has become pregnant in that way.

Even without bringing a moral dimension into things, you have to admit that she's behaved incredibly stupidly.

Of course, I wish you both well both this afternoon and in the future but don't get too carried away with thinking that she's sensible and mature because that obviously isn't the case.

You often give such balanced or matter-of-fact advice/comment that I'm wondering what is driving your recent posts.

Some of us believe that bad things happen to good people (including those with good heads on their shoulders) and since the OP has clearly stated, on more than one occasion, that she doesn't know anything surrounding the circumstances to this pregnancy, we should try not to make assumptions about her daughter's character.

This pregnancy could be the result of non consensual sex. It could be the result of a horrific act of violence on a minor (sorry to type this OP, but I'm incensed.) It's not likely, but it's possible, so please cut the judgment.

You are making assumptions. They may be right, but equally, they might not be. I find comments like these very insensitive to the OP. I just don't understand this line of thought you're going down; it is so incredibly opinionated, potentially hurtful and offensive.

sassyblue

maryotuam wrote: »

My daughter was an "accident" but the best thing that happened in my whole life. Although I was unprepared, maternal instinct kicked in and I rose to the occasion. At least your daughter will never have the angst of the infertile woman desperate to have a baby. I wish you and her the best of luck. When the little one comes along it will be happy day.

In a perfect world no she wouldn't but l do know of a couple of ladies who had abortions when younger and had trouble conceiving later when they were ready for a family. (Nothing to do with the abortion either). It could happen sadly and the guilt because of the past those ladies felt was unimaginable.

OP, l've been following your thread and have to say you sound like a wonderful mum xx

hayleyholly

This really has bought a tear to my eye, good luck to both you and your daughter in whatever happens, you sound like a fabulous mum xxxx