Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

poppyfield19

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Yes but I think it requires your daughter to be totally honest with you - do you think that her dad is going to accept a shrug of the shoulders when he asks who the dad is?

She has felt really let down and betrayed by him walking out on us so I don't think she will talk too much to him about this - although it will be good if he supports her in whatever she decides to do. He said he won't ask her any questions just offer his support.

I think she will be honest but in her own time basically - understand what you are saying though.

KiKi

Hi OP

Just to say you're coping so well. Glad the doctor's appointment went okay today.

I know this won't be a popular opinion, but as much as you need to give her space and just let her share in her own time, I think you should take a stronger stance tomorrow about who the father is. Not knowing his name, necessarily, but I think you need to know at the very least whether she was forced into it, and if it was an adult. Hopefully the answer to both is no.

I appreciate the need to be sensitive, and I appreciate the need to let her feel comfortable. But at 15, I don't think not knowing those two things is acceptable for much longer. That's not a dig at you or her, not at all. Just that given her reaction to that question, at least twice that you've written about, I think you need to push it. I don't think it will adversely impact your relationship at all - she's feeling loved and cared for by you, and she doesn't sound like the kind of girl to go off in a strop if you tell her that she has to tell you now. Some 15 year olds would either clam up or give their parents hell for forcing the issue, but it doesn't sound like she's that sort of teenager, and she obviously has a great relationship with you in the first place. She may even appreciate you being a bit stronger and decisive about it, as it could be a burden off her shoulders.

By all means, try the note first, sounds like a good plan. But if you get no answer tomorrow morning, then I think you're going to have to be mum and insist (as far as possible!) she needs to tell you if it wasn't a boy around her age and she agreed. Keeping her off school sounds like a great idea.

Hope it all goes well tomorrow, and keep posting.
KiKi

mommame

Hi Poppy I think you have been amazing with all this but I too am a little concerned that she has told nobody at all about the pregnancy as the first thing any teenage girl would do is confide to one of the friends along the lines"what am I going to do I think I'm pregnant and it's xs will you come and get a test with me " bla bla.
The fact that she has not even done that suggests the relationship had to be kept a secret and she may not think she was" forced" and was maybe coerced,cajoled into it by someone older.

I took a lift from an old friend of my dads and that is just what happened to me,he wasn't nasty ,rather lovely actually and asked for a hug as he just had an argument at work ,10 minutes later I had lost my virginity and he dropped me by the bus stop.no pregnancy though.

He never again looked at me from that day onwards so maybe she has told this person and he has told her get lost.
Just hoping this is all wrong and it is some spotty brat who should have his backside kicked though. ETA; I was 14 by the way

mum2one

Sounds like you have coped excently with today. x

Sequeena

Just caught up now. She's 14 weeks gone? Wow second tri already bless her. I'm very glad she's finally opened up to you xx

poppyfield19

Thank you both for opening up and sharing your experiences - really appreciated x

poppyfield19

Didn't realise this was on a new page. Thanks mum2one - and yes, 14 weeks

clifton176

Hi sympathy from a male single parent. When my son was 14 he told me he was staying at a friends in the next street which I confirmed by phone but later on by intuitive detective work ( I have my moles) at about 12am I discovered he had sneaked off to the local woods camping with a group of 20 other kids guys and gals.On another occasion when I took my kids and 4 nices and nephews to a caravan holiday,I only discovered ( again through my moles,there are always moles you just have to find them) a week later that while I was asleep in the day room, kids in the three bedrooms,my niece was hanging out the bedroom window "talking" (note the inverted commas) to a lad she had met in the clubhouse earlier ! You have to be as crafty as the kids because boy are they crafty I know because I used to be one !

Person_one

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thank you both for opening up and sharing your experiences - really appreciated x

You must be exhausted poppyfield, go back to bed for a bit!

poppyfield19

Almost time to wake the youngest 2 up and get them ready for school now

Hope everyone has a good day today.