Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

ailuro2

Is there a coastal area or beach you can drive to today, PoppyField, that's another place where people don't tend to look at each other while talking, they tend to look out to sea. ( And you won't be in a moving car)

Hope she's feeling better after a good night's sleep, and I hope you get some things sorted out today.

I know it's hard, but when / if you're sure the father is a friend rather than foe ( best way I can put it) he has the right to know of the child's existence. Not in the forefront of your mind to consider the father at the moment, but I think both of them should be facing up to the consequences, not just your daughter left holding the baby, as it were.

Best Wishes, my heart goes out to you. I have a 12yo DD, she's the apple of my eye and can only imagine how distraught you are right now not knowing whether she needs additional care if something worse has happened. Good Luck for today.

poppyfield19

Thanks ailuro - that's a good idea, there's a beach 10 minutes drive from us actually, that might be a good idea, thanks.

Eager_Elephant

Hi poppyfield

Another one here who got pregnant and had the baby when she was 15.
I told my parents as soon as I knew, even though they had previously said I would be chucked out they actually went to bed to talk (the only private place in a house with 6 children!!)

I was very anti-abortion at the time so I would not even consider this.

My mum and dad did not really care (or maybe they did but did not show it) so I did what I wanted.
My aunt happened to be over from America and she came to talk to me - it was actually a pressure talk, she started telling me how awful life was if you had no money blah blah and although I cried through it I kept my baby.

School were really good (it was a bit of a shcok though as no one at that school had ever fallen pregnant, it was a very good school but since I left I seem to have started a trend and a lot of people are pregnant under 16), I left in October, had the baby in December and went back to school in Feb half term so I could be there for my GCSE's. When I wasn't at school I had home tuition with another girl of 15 who had a baby. I think we had 12 hours per week but it was good because it was us and one teacher so better than we had at school. The other girl came from a religous family but she kept the baby as well.

I passed all my GCSE's with good grades.

At no time did the police or social services make contact with me or my family.

I left home when I was 6 mths pregnant and brought my son up myself, I think a poster above said her mum had to claim the benefits and deal with the doctors but this is not what happened to me and I am 30 now (maybe it was the area she lived in)

Throughout this time I had the support of my boyfriend (5 years older) who left work to look after our son so I could finish my GCSE's, once I had done this he went out to work and I went to work when my son was 8 mths old. He was looked after by my mum and then later by a childminder.

I like to think I have done ok, I have a brilliant job which I live, my son is now 14 and taller than me and my husband (not his biological dad) - he is very clever and is taking his Science GCSE early which is good because he wants to be a scientist. I left his father when my son was 2, the relationship did not work out. I have my husband (which is a n00b at times) and a little girl of 8.

I am now not so anti-abortion and have told my DH that if I fall pregnant I would abort it, it might sound harsh but I am not very maternal and love my job so a baby would get in the way.

Oh just remembered, I knew another girl in the next town who fell pregnant at 15, her mum literally dragged her kicking and screaming to the abortion clinic and she was forced to have an abortion - she never got on quite the same with her mum.

All I can say is that you need to carry on doing what you are doing.

Well done for coping so well.

mummyroysof3

been keeping an eye on this thread and i just wanted to offer support, i found out i was pregnant at 17 and my mum was awful to me about it so its lovely to see you are supporting her whatever happens. i hope you enjoy your day out with her..and i really hope she can confide in you who the father is i think at this point more to put your mind at rest than anything..just wondering if its worth saying to her that you dont have to get the father involved at this point if its a boy her age to take the pressure off but you really need to know what happened to make sure she safe etc

maryotuam

My daughter was an "accident" but the best thing that happened in my whole life. Although I was unprepared, maternal instinct kicked in and I rose to the occasion. At least your daughter will never have the angst of the infertile woman desperate to have a baby. I wish you and her the best of luck. When the little one comes along it will be happy day.

Dawning

Hoping things go well today for you and DD today.

ashaput

I may not have any experience with this, but my friend has. She was pregnant at 15. Her mother's reaction was so bad, but my friend could undertand it. Have a talk with your daughter. My friend said it was not so good to be ignored by her own mother.

Primarni

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I was answering another poster who said that your daughter must have " a good head on her shoulders". I'm sure she's absolutely delightful but you really cannot describe a girl of 15 (especially without a boyfriend) who has become pregnant in that way.

Even without bringing a moral dimension into things, you have to admit that she's behaved incredibly stupidly.

We don't know in what way she became pregnant yet, and I think out of sheer logic if kindness and good manners are beyond us we should reserve judgement before declaring that "she's behaved incredibly stupidly" when we know nothing of the sort.

I'm not a mum Poppyfield19. but I'm sending positive vibes your way. I really hope there's nothing to worry about on the how she got pregnant front but I'm a bit worried about how she's reacting to being asked about it. Fingers crossed for all of you and hoping me expressing my worry hasn't made you feel worse.

viktory

The OP's daughter must, by now, know that she has the love and support of her Mum - so it is time for her to tell the truth about the father of this child. He is as responsible as the OP's daughter (potentially entirely responsible). IMO, it is time for the OP to get firm with her daughter. All the (hugs) and hot drinks in the world are not going to get this sorted out and time is running out - fast. If they are not very careful certain doors will slam shut and their options will begin to narrow even further. Time to do the hard part of being a mother - be firm but persistent, get thw whole story and start making some decisions about what to do.

puddy

just a quick comment about the father issue. im sure you're not, but try not to present it to her that you need reassurance that nothing bad happened, if it was something untoward then she needs to be able to tell you (in time) without being worried that it will upset you.